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02-05-2011, 05:00 PM
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#1 |
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Learning To Live Half-Alive?
Didn't know where else to turn, hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes here by starting a new thread, but... I'm broken.
Today, my ex told me she's moving away with her new girlfriend. Leaving the state. With this girl she's only known for a month and a half. I broke down crying, and she kept asking me to come see her, saying she didn't want to leave like this... but I told her it hurt too much. She said goodbye on the phone, and said she loved me. As I type this, my heart feels like it's slowly ripping itself apart. Just two months ago, she was making love to me telling me I was beautiful... now she's running away with some new girl? Not going to tell the whole story, but the important factors are that she and I have been falling in love with each other for five years, and we both admitted we were madly in love with each other, but because she's an alcoholic... it can't work until we fix our lives. Suddenly, there's this new girlfriend, and she says this girl is everything and she'd die without her, etc. etc. She's also cutting herself again for the first time in years. Now she's leaving me... it doesn't make sense. It really doesn't. I can't be without her... she is my love. She means more to me than anyone ever has.... for her, my heart </3  
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02-05-2011, 05:04 PM
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#2 |
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It hurts right now and for that I am sorry, I've seen you post that this person has drinking issues, and well she seems not very nice. Mourn her, then get yourself some therapy, spend time with friends, have a nice dinner out it's obvious this girl is no good for you.
Good Luck 
__________________
"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden   |
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02-05-2011, 05:29 PM
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#3 | |
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Gail |
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02-05-2011, 05:31 PM
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#4 | |
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"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden |
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02-05-2011, 05:48 PM
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#5 | |
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02-05-2011, 05:52 PM
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#6 | |
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Gail |
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02-05-2011, 05:55 PM
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#7 |
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I know.
I just wish I didn't love her... believe me, I do. I have always loved her... and what's happening right now seems like a nightmare - completely unbelievable. Illogical and confusing
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02-05-2011, 05:57 PM
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#8 | |
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MILLION $$$ PUSSY
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"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden |
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02-05-2011, 05:59 PM
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#9 |
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I agree with Snowy. But I know that it's hard when YOU didn't want the relationship to end, and you are probably still feeling that you love her. I'm sure your heart is speaking to you in a loud voice right about now, telling you that it's broken. You're hurting, and probably you feel that you'll stop hurting if only she would come back. Just make sure you give your head, and what it has to tell you equal time. I'm sure if you put everything together it will come up with different advice than your heart does. It's hard, it hurts, but you WILL get through it. You need support. You have it here. I hope you have friends who are there for you, but it really DOES help to talk to a professional. They are there for you, and you only. You don't have to worry about taking up their time or about them judging you. That's what they're there for.
I wish you the strength you'll need to do what you have to to get on with your life. Hugs, Sue
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02-05-2011, 05:59 PM
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#10 | |
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Snowy is right again...
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02-05-2011, 06:07 PM
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#11 |
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Prox,
Follow the advise that Snowy and the others have given you, and until you can get in with a counselor, spend time with other friends around you. Don't close yourself in, and don't stay alone all the time. I speak from experience. My friends made sure that I went with them to do things, and it helped me heal. If you have other single friends who aren't out cruising, those are the best to hang out with. Perhaps hanging out with just couples will compound how you are feeling. If all else fails, turn to us here at the Planet for support. We'll be here for you. WT |
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02-05-2011, 06:12 PM
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#12 |
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the Snow post is spot on...
of course we know its not easy... part of the healing process is the work that is put in to fix the fucked uppedness of it all... your logical brain will kick in when the anger does... thats lots easier to deal with... of course... i dont know for sure that i would listen to shit that I had to say about matters of the heart... just sayin... |
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02-05-2011, 06:14 PM
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#13 | |||
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Right now, it does feel like your life is falling apart; however, given some time and likely some professional assistance, you WILL look back on this in a completely different light. Cry, scream, sleep and whatever else you must do to get through the initial shock of it is,,but most importantly, cut off communication with her for a while; likely several months. It is probably the hardest step but if this person cares for you at all, she will leave you be to get started healing and get on with your life. I wish you the best with this difficult journey. Regards, Glynn |
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02-05-2011, 06:18 PM
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#14 |
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I know for certain that it's not lust or co-dependency, but I appreciate your advice, all of you.
I know what I need to do. I guess my problem is trying to figure out how this happened, because... you don't throw away five years like that for someone you barely know. You just don't. Thanks for the support... 
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02-05-2011, 06:22 PM
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#15 |
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MILLION $$$ PUSSY
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Rational people don't, an alcoholic will, perhaps you've heard of Al-Anon? I think you may be able to move forward if you go to one of their meetings, since your logic seems to be blinded by something else.
Your ex is an alcoholic, you won't move on, you are now in charge of that pain leaving your space. She's not coming back, if she does it's gonna be ugly like before, and do you really wanna spend your youth on someone who doesn't care enough about themselves let alone you?
__________________
"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden |
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02-05-2011, 06:23 PM
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#16 |
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Take it as the Universe pushing your hand... alcoholics only have one real love. The booze will win everytime. Sorry it has to hurt so bad when this happens.
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02-05-2011, 06:29 PM
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#17 |
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I've been to a meeting. I've been thinking about going to more, but I want to check out some meetings for myself, first, to help cope with my anxiety.
It's not that I'm hysterical or anything - I really hope y'all don't think I'm just having the fit of a lifetime...  I'm just feeling really... broken. I guess it's a devastation to lose not only my love, but my best friend.Thank you. |
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02-05-2011, 06:32 PM
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#18 |
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Update: Just got a voicemail from her... saying "we're not leaving until June now... blah blah..."
I'm pretty sure she's drunk, she mentioned something about Jose Cuervo... my goodness... but I still have to cut off contact once again. I won't let her do this, and I told her earlier that I needed time away from her to move on. She wants to go back to being friends, but it's not that easy. I need to move on from her as my lover first, and then maybe someday, we can reclaim our friendship. Someday. Damn women...  And, I just realised I spelled "learning" without the N... now I feel stupid, haha. Guess I was pretty distraught =/ |
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02-05-2011, 06:35 PM
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#19 | |
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WT |
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02-05-2011, 06:37 PM
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#20 | |
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Infamous Member
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these words of yourse tell me alot. In fact, they tell me her whole story. I too am an alcoholic. A recovering one. To me, what she decided is she didnt want to fix herself. She wants to stay an alcoholic and she found a girl who will let her. Now that makes sense to me. And its a quick fix, which is why it has to happen like this.
I am so sorry, luv, when we alcoholics are active in our addiction, our ways are SO fucking hurtful to the people who love us. We are selfish and cruel and thoughtless, but to us we think we are loving and careful and sensitive. When all we are is manipulative and cunning and conniving. We will call it love and you will believe its love but those are your issues...because you are a codependent...you need Al Anon or CODA. We couldnt do this to you if you didnt let us because you were primed for us. You are sweet and kind and loving but too much so...to the point where you sacrifice yourself to make it happen with the other person. And we will empty your well dry... dont let her, sweetheart. That love is too precious. Save it for someone who will treasure it. Save it so you keep it safe for yourself. Love yourself enough to let her go ...consider it her greatest gift she ever gave you... Quote:
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