Butch Femme Planet  

Go Back   Butch Femme Planet > RELATIONSHIPS, COMMUNITY, GROUPS > Poly Relationships

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-24-2010, 04:35 PM   #1
TenderKnight
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Kinky Poly Transman
Preferred Pronoun?:
He
 
TenderKnight's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Monroe, NC
Posts: 551
Thanks: 773
Thanked 822 Times in 256 Posts
Rep Power: 2402406
TenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST Reputation
Default So you want to start a poly relationship..

.. Why yes.. Yes I do! lol

I'm starting this thread to get some input from others with maybe a little more or differing experience then me.

I am a self identified poly person without a primary partner. I have a couple of close relationships that are pretty deep on thier own levels, but no one that I could call my girl/boyfriend and or partner..

How does one start a primary relationship? I should be more clear.. It seems to have been my experience that out in the poly world, most people that ID as poly have a primary. This is kind of a generalzation, but I'm going to run with it.. There is of course the fact that diffrent relationships can have diffrent levels and be just as rich for all involved, but there is also that *core* relationship that is who you go to bed with nightly and say good morning to when you wake up.

Is it easier to start with a primary and then branch out? Or has it been your experience that relationships shift with time and people can orbit from being *core* to being fringe in your life and vice versa? How have you delt with being shifted, or shifting yourself?

I really hope that I am being clear with my thoughts here, if not, please ask and I will go into greater detail.

Thank you all in advance for any input on this and I look forward to hearing what you have to say about this topic

-Tony
__________________
The beatings shall continue.. until moral improves..
TenderKnight is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to TenderKnight For This Useful Post:
Old 05-24-2010, 04:50 PM   #2
dark_crystal
Infamous Member

How Do You Identify?:
jenny
Preferred Pronoun?:
babygirl
Relationship Status:
First Lady of the United SMH
 
dark_crystal's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 5,445
Thanks: 1,532
Thanked 26,587 Times in 4,690 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856
dark_crystal Has the BEST Reputationdark_crystal Has the BEST Reputationdark_crystal Has the BEST Reputationdark_crystal Has the BEST Reputationdark_crystal Has the BEST Reputationdark_crystal Has the BEST Reputationdark_crystal Has the BEST Reputationdark_crystal Has the BEST Reputationdark_crystal Has the BEST Reputationdark_crystal Has the BEST Reputationdark_crystal Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TenderKnight View Post
.. Why yes.. Yes I do! lol

I'm starting this thread to get some input from others with maybe a little more or differing experience then me.

I am a self identified poly person without a primary partner. I have a couple of close relationships that are pretty deep on thier own levels, but no one that I could call my girl/boyfriend and or partner..

How does one start a primary relationship? I should be more clear.. It seems to have been my experience that out in the poly world, most people that ID as poly have a primary. This is kind of a generalzation, but I'm going to run with it.. There is of course the fact that diffrent relationships can have diffrent levels and be just as rich for all involved, but there is also that *core* relationship that is who you go to bed with nightly and say good morning to when you wake up.

Is it easier to start with a primary and then branch out? Or has it been your experience that relationships shift with time and people can orbit from being *core* to being fringe in your life and vice versa? How have you delt with being shifted, or shifting yourself?

I really hope that I am being clear with my thoughts here, if not, please ask and I will go into greater detail.

Thank you all in advance for any input on this and I look forward to hearing what you have to say about this topic

-Tony
i got nothin to add but i am interested in the topic...although i don't want to start one so much as join one lol

i am not in a place right now where i would make a good primary but i think i'd be an awesome beta girl!
dark_crystal is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to dark_crystal For This Useful Post:
Old 05-24-2010, 05:06 PM   #3
Martina
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
***
 
Martina's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: ***
Posts: 4,999
Thanks: 13,409
Thanked 18,367 Times in 4,170 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854
Martina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST ReputationMartina Has the BEST Reputation
Default

i agree that most people have a primary. i think that a lot of poly people date looking for a primary. And a lot of them find one.

i haven't seen a lot of shifting. People who are longstanding play partners aren't more for a reason usually. Shifting outward is doable but hard. Staying play partners with an ex-partner -- i'd have to wait a year or more before trying that.

The people i have seen have the most trouble are submissives who already have a primary they submit to. Most Dominants do not want to negotiate shared power or have power over the submissive only during time together. They want the package. It's too bad. Anytime someone finds an experienced and successful submissive, they ought to take a serious look at the possibilities -- unless they KNOW they want a primary.

i have been in a relationship with two Dominants at the same time. i started seeing them at about the same time. i didn't think either relationship really had serious potential. One was a bi femme, and i thought, Naaa. Famous last words. The other was a butch 15 years younger than i am. Both relationships evolved into more serious connections. The Dominants met each other and liked each other. They shared my time well. But power, not so much. When i broke up with one, the other was jubilant. i didn't realize how much he had wanted the other relationship to end until then. But the power sharing thing, while not as drama filled as it could have been, was clearly frustrating to the Dominants. i also was TIRED. Serving two Dominants in separate households is a LOT OF WORK!

Now i am a submissive to a couple in a primary relationship. i do not have a primary, nor am i looking for one. If i were, though, i might be in a tough position. What are the odds -- to meet someone you feel that kind of potential with, for her to be kinky, poly, and OK with you worshipping the ground that someone else walks on? that TWO someone elses walk on? The best case scenario would be if the potential primary were a switch and wanted to serve my Dominants too. Again, what are the odds?
Martina is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Martina For This Useful Post:
Old 05-25-2010, 02:23 PM   #4
femmebaker
Junior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Domestic Goddess Femme
Relationship Status:
Happily married, exploring poly
 
femmebaker's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 23
Thanks: 3
Thanked 21 Times in 9 Posts
Rep Power: 142
femmebaker Has the BEST Reputationfemmebaker Has the BEST Reputationfemmebaker Has the BEST Reputationfemmebaker Has the BEST Reputationfemmebaker Has the BEST Reputationfemmebaker Has the BEST Reputationfemmebaker Has the BEST Reputationfemmebaker Has the BEST Reputationfemmebaker Has the BEST Reputationfemmebaker Has the BEST Reputationfemmebaker Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Hi Tony,

I hear you! The pool seems so small to begin with.

I actually have the other problem. I have a primary relationship and am really struggling to find people to date and/or play with. Where are all the poly butches and trans guys?

-Femmebaker (who's so vexed with the situation that she's going to leave that poor preposition dangling)
femmebaker is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to femmebaker For This Useful Post:
Old 05-25-2010, 04:04 PM   #5
TenderKnight
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Kinky Poly Transman
Preferred Pronoun?:
He
 
TenderKnight's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Monroe, NC
Posts: 551
Thanks: 773
Thanked 822 Times in 256 Posts
Rep Power: 2402406
TenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dark_crystal View Post
i got nothin to add but i am interested in the topic...although i don't want to start one so much as join one lol

i am not in a place right now where i would make a good primary but i think i'd be an awesome beta girl!
lol.. Beta can be fun too! That has been my main "role" within my past poly relations.. It can be good if all partners are honest (including ME) with what they really want and need from the relationship..

I was actually just talking to a friend today about this.. I'm not sure I am really in the space to be in a primary relationship either, but it's always good to hear other's stories and experience. Thank you for posting
__________________
The beatings shall continue.. until moral improves..
TenderKnight is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2010, 04:25 PM   #6
TenderKnight
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Kinky Poly Transman
Preferred Pronoun?:
He
 
TenderKnight's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Monroe, NC
Posts: 551
Thanks: 773
Thanked 822 Times in 256 Posts
Rep Power: 2402406
TenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Martina View Post

Now i am a submissive to a couple in a primary relationship. i do not have a primary, nor am i looking for one. If i were, though, i might be in a tough position. What are the odds -- to meet someone you feel that kind of potential with, for her to be kinky, poly, and OK with you worshipping the ground that someone else walks on? that TWO someone elses walk on? The best case scenario would be if the potential primary were a switch and wanted to serve my Dominants too. Again, what are the odds?
Martina, I feel you on this statement.. It is really hard to find someone to be a primary when you may already have other relationships.. Harder still if you are a submissive in the other relationships..

I know that for me, it would be hard to be a certain role within any type of primary/core relationship.. I'm a switch and if I am involved with someone, long term, I want the freedom to express all of me, not just parts.. That is one of the reasons I'm not busting at the seams to start a primary with anyone.. I'm still getting *ME* settled.. It is much easier for me to have certain roles within a relationship..

For example, both of the guys I spend time with are more Toppish then anything else, and that's good However, once one of the guys asked me to fist him.. I did it, but I felt kinda weird about it.. I was out of my safe zone.. Not saying that it was bad, we both enjoyed it, but it took it to a level that was a little deeper then I was really ready for..

*sighs* I never feel like I'm getting my points across.. lol My point with that story.. Right now, i want my relations to be on a certain level, a level that isn't too vulnerable for me or my partners. That is a good thing about being honest, we don't have to if we don't want to, and that's fine..

On a side note, I have found that poly relations are a little more tolerated and accepted in the BDSM/Leather communities.. I have often wondered why this is.. My first poly relationship was a boy to a Daddy/girl couple and it seemed like there were a few other examples of that type of situation within that local community.. and this was a small town in the South! lol

Thank you for your input, gave me food for thought

-Tony, who needs an editor to condence his thoughts and posts.. lol
__________________
The beatings shall continue.. until moral improves..
TenderKnight is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to TenderKnight For This Useful Post:
Old 05-25-2010, 04:32 PM   #7
TenderKnight
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Kinky Poly Transman
Preferred Pronoun?:
He
 
TenderKnight's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Monroe, NC
Posts: 551
Thanks: 773
Thanked 822 Times in 256 Posts
Rep Power: 2402406
TenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by femmebaker View Post
Hi Tony,

I hear you! The pool seems so small to begin with.

I actually have the other problem. I have a primary relationship and am really struggling to find people to date and/or play with. Where are all the poly butches and trans guys?

-Femmebaker (who's so vexed with the situation that she's going to leave that poor preposition dangling)
heh, on the West Coast, of course! But really, I feel you on that one.. I hope that you find some local meat soon (lol.. not trying to be rude, just comes out that way sometimes..lol). I have actually found Craigslist to be helpful.. just weed out the weirdos and flakes

-Tony, who would offer his humble services, but can't afford plane fare
__________________
The beatings shall continue.. until moral improves..
TenderKnight is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-26-2010, 07:28 PM   #8
ravfem
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
i'm a girl
Relationship Status:
negative
 
ravfem's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,811
Thanks: 9,239
Thanked 3,126 Times in 1,269 Posts
Rep Power: 1969285
ravfem Has the BEST Reputationravfem Has the BEST Reputationravfem Has the BEST Reputationravfem Has the BEST Reputationravfem Has the BEST Reputationravfem Has the BEST Reputationravfem Has the BEST Reputationravfem Has the BEST Reputationravfem Has the BEST Reputationravfem Has the BEST Reputationravfem Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TenderKnight View Post
...

On a side note, I have found that poly relations are a little more tolerated and accepted in the BDSM/Leather communities.. I have often wondered why this is.. My first poly relationship was a boy to a Daddy/girl couple and it seemed like there were a few other examples of that type of situation within that local community.. and this was a small town in the South! lol ...

-Tony
hmmm

*hugs Tony* we've both come a long way, huh? (well, ok, you went further....like alllllll the way across the states!!)

i personally think there are more poly relationships within the Life because we, as a whole (and generally speaking), are more open to alternative relationships.

i will say that my experiences into poly didn't work too well. But i think that the main reason is because my Owner and i had issues that not only were we not confronting, but i didn't even know about at the time. That meant that while she was saying one thing, she was feeling something totally different...and the 3rd that we eventually agreed upon got caught right in the middle of it all.

Given time and my personal growth, i can say that today, i am open to poly. i'm not looking for it or in a poly relationship now, but i am not closed off to the possibility like i was after the fiasco with my ex.

i personally think that people in general aren't meant to be with only one person their entire life. Society teaches us that we are supposed to find "The One" and once we do, we'll never desire or need another person. Ever.

The funny thing is, even as society teaches us this, it is doing the exact opposite, either with serial monogamy or cheaters.

i firmly believe i can never be "all" to one person, nor can one person be my "all".
__________________
ravfem is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to ravfem For This Useful Post:
Old 05-27-2010, 12:13 AM   #9
TenderKnight
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Kinky Poly Transman
Preferred Pronoun?:
He
 
TenderKnight's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Monroe, NC
Posts: 551
Thanks: 773
Thanked 822 Times in 256 Posts
Rep Power: 2402406
TenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST Reputation
Default

rav,

Heh.. yes, we have come a long way.. I was so trying NOT to out you as one of my ex's.. Buuut.. lol ((((((((((((((rav))))))))))))))

I agree with your statement that not one person can be another person's *all*.. I have found that to be true as well. I guess for me, it's nice to have certain people for certain things.. It makes it easy to know where you are and what you both want and desire from the interaction with one another.

I think you maybe right about the alternative lifestyle thing within BDSM poly relationships.. I think it may also have to do with how *small* some r/t communities are.. Plus the fact that diffrent people are experienced in diffrent skills and it makes sence to form relations with those you desire to learn from or to grow with as a Top or a bottom.

Thank you for your post and for outing yourself as my ex Now people can see that I haven't killed ALL my exes and stuffed them into flower pots.. Not that I would ever do such a thing.. Not me.. Well, maybe once, but that one doesn't count..



Thanks again

-Tony
__________________
The beatings shall continue.. until moral improves..
TenderKnight is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to TenderKnight For This Useful Post:
Old 02-26-2014, 06:43 PM   #10
michaelluster76
Junior Member

How Do You Identify?:
butch
 

Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: mesa, az
Posts: 2
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Rep Power: 0
michaelluster76 is on a distinguished road
Default

I am a poly butch in my area, I am having a hard time finding personal relationships, since I am poly also, its harder I think to find people here in phoenix.
michaelluster76 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-24-2014, 08:29 AM   #11
Charmingbutch21
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Butch
Preferred Pronoun?:
It's not a big deal for me, call it as you see it
Relationship Status:
Single
 

Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 202
Thanks: 211
Thanked 397 Times in 99 Posts
Rep Power: 8328033
Charmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST Reputation
Default Dealing with NRE

Not sure if this is the right thread to post in but anyway...

How do you (folks) in poly relationships deal with the NRE (new relationship energy) of a person you are dating who is dating someone new, and who also happens to have a primary relationship?

Personally, I've moved through the jealousy part and understand that I have qualities that this lady loves. Her S.O. and new person of interest have qualities she loves too. No biggie. I'm new to this (6 or so months), so I want to make sure she knows I still care, but I don't want to overwhelm her with communication while she is in NRE with someone else. So, I text here and there to reassure her I'm still around and she texts and calls too. Things seem to be good, but I don't want to over communicate nor under communicate. If that makes sense.

What says you?
__________________
-cb
Charmingbutch21 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Charmingbutch21 For This Useful Post:
Old 07-24-2014, 10:18 AM   #12
WingsOnFire
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Queer..femme.. .babygirl...girl
Preferred Pronoun?:
Female Ones...
Relationship Status:
Enjoying life but ready to meet someone
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Portland Oregon
Posts: 3,945
Thanks: 12,015
Thanked 12,476 Times in 3,357 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854
WingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST Reputation
Member Photo Albums
Default

stopping by to comment so I can find it again later... I will come back and respond to your question hopefully tonight charmingbutch21
__________________


Previously known as MidnightBlueEyes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://gailsforum.files.wordpress.co...-psd340941.png
WingsOnFire is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to WingsOnFire For This Useful Post:
Old 07-26-2014, 05:18 PM   #13
HoldMeSteady
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Wise old Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
she, hers
Relationship Status:
single
 

Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 113
Thanks: 162
Thanked 218 Times in 74 Posts
Rep Power: 2120045
HoldMeSteady Has the BEST ReputationHoldMeSteady Has the BEST ReputationHoldMeSteady Has the BEST ReputationHoldMeSteady Has the BEST ReputationHoldMeSteady Has the BEST ReputationHoldMeSteady Has the BEST ReputationHoldMeSteady Has the BEST ReputationHoldMeSteady Has the BEST ReputationHoldMeSteady Has the BEST ReputationHoldMeSteady Has the BEST ReputationHoldMeSteady Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Thanks for the post, TenderNight. It's hard to find people in this community who are open to poly. I'm in an open relationship and it's hard to find a butch top who's okay with that.
HoldMeSteady is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-30-2014, 06:47 AM   #14
Charmingbutch21
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Butch
Preferred Pronoun?:
It's not a big deal for me, call it as you see it
Relationship Status:
Single
 

Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 202
Thanks: 211
Thanked 397 Times in 99 Posts
Rep Power: 8328033
Charmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST ReputationCharmingbutch21 Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by WingsOnFire View Post
stopping by to comment so I can find it again later... I will come back and respond to your question hopefully tonight charmingbutch21
Would love to hear your advice Wings, when you get a chance
__________________
-cb
Charmingbutch21 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Charmingbutch21 For This Useful Post:
Old 07-30-2014, 09:32 AM   #15
WingsOnFire
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Queer..femme.. .babygirl...girl
Preferred Pronoun?:
Female Ones...
Relationship Status:
Enjoying life but ready to meet someone
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Portland Oregon
Posts: 3,945
Thanks: 12,015
Thanked 12,476 Times in 3,357 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854
WingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST ReputationWingsOnFire Has the BEST Reputation
Member Photo Albums
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charmingbutch21 View Post
Would love to hear your advice Wings, when you get a chance
yes I thought of this driving home yesterday lol and with the heat promptly forgot. Will try again later
__________________


Previously known as MidnightBlueEyes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://gailsforum.files.wordpress.co...-psd340941.png
WingsOnFire is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to WingsOnFire For This Useful Post:
Old 07-30-2014, 04:44 PM   #16
Loren_Q
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Loren. If you want to know about me, just ask.
Preferred Pronoun?:
She/her, but I'm not that picky.
Relationship Status:
it's complicated...
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 115
Thanks: 73
Thanked 573 Times in 108 Posts
Rep Power: 4035342
Loren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charmingbutch21 View Post
Not sure if this is the right thread to post in but anyway...

How do you (folks) in poly relationships deal with the NRE (new relationship energy) of a person you are dating who is dating someone new, and who also happens to have a primary relationship?

Personally, I've moved through the jealousy part and understand that I have qualities that this lady loves. Her S.O. and new person of interest have qualities she loves too. No biggie. I'm new to this (6 or so months), so I want to make sure she knows I still care, but I don't want to overwhelm her with communication while she is in NRE with someone else. So, I text here and there to reassure her I'm still around and she texts and calls too. Things seem to be good, but I don't want to over communicate nor under communicate. If that makes sense.

What says you?
I've not been in that particular configuration, I'm the one with the primary partner.

However one thing I do with my poly partners is make sure there's at least 1 time a week we speak, usually just a half hour or so (my commute time) but it's pretty sacrosanct. This means even when/if I'm in NRE my other non-primaries know I'm still there. It helps them hold space for me and vice-versa if they fall for someone.

Having that set date/time really helps I've found.
__________________
Loren

"Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power."
Oscar Wilde
Loren_Q is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Loren_Q For This Useful Post:
Old 07-30-2014, 05:08 PM   #17
Loren_Q
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Loren. If you want to know about me, just ask.
Preferred Pronoun?:
She/her, but I'm not that picky.
Relationship Status:
it's complicated...
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Posts: 115
Thanks: 73
Thanked 573 Times in 108 Posts
Rep Power: 4035342
Loren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST ReputationLoren_Q Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by HoldMeSteady View Post
Thanks for the post, TenderNight. It's hard to find people in this community who are open to poly. I'm in an open relationship and it's hard to find a butch top who's okay with that.
Maybe it's a location thing, I'm in the San Francisco bay area and there are quite a number of butch tops who are poly. Course it depends on what you mean by "poly".

For me my poly extends my BDSM. I have had (or still have) play only relationships, sexual and/or romantic D/s based relationships, non-romantic D/s based relationships and so on.

My spouse and I both have agreements in place so I can have these (and she can have hers).

What I've found is a lot of women my age are less open to poly (I'm 54); it may be that I have a spouse/primary and am not available to be exclusive or something along that line, but that's where I see less interest.
__________________
Loren

"Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power."
Oscar Wilde
Loren_Q is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Loren_Q For This Useful Post:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:38 PM.


ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018