~baby~doll~ heart on her sleeve

[~baby~doll~]

i have this posted elsewhere as well

New Way

Somehow i have changed
forced or choice or just rearranged

over years i examined self
not i have moved to a different shelf

dresses and heels now set me free
how long have i yearn to let this side be

i find a femme a different light
no longer always is the night

what more i am is still to be seen
in the end what will it mean

am i me
or what you perceive me to be

i now find beauty means much more
i am a femme to the core

i am now what i long to see
finally i have found the real me

[~baby~doll~]

i have this posted elsewhere as well

fully evolved
in lingerie i gaze in a mirror to see
a reflection of a woman and who is she?

my fingers glide over silk and satin
seeking out hidden secrets within

i stand in lingerie and heels gazing upon this mysterious reflection
for this girl, woman feminine thing, what lies in store
i never imagined this before

how does a mind grasp such a dainty change?
i fall into the arms of this feminine heart it is what remains
perhaps i wanted this from the start
How is it SHE knew i would fit the part?
i had no inkling from the start

i am woman
i am she
i am her
i have a woman's heart
it's not who i was at the start

i slide the, charmeuse trumpet, skirt over my hips
i apply gloss over my lips
my body resides in this feminine home
i adore what i have become

i am woman
i am she
i am her
it's not who i used to be

i have fully become her lovely doll
in my feminine i have finally evolved
in this form i achieved my dream
i fully disappeared no more am i seen
i am HER property forever HERS
SHE accepted my gift to be HER slave
i delivered my old self to the grave
this woman has a heart of the brave

those questions and doubts have disappeared
after years of service and bowing my wish was granted
by the Goddess above

my feminine has set me free
the i, i was has faded into my LOVE
i have become what i want to be
my life is gone and i am happy be
the reflection of her finally see
SHE is and i am gone

there is a woman smiling in my heart

[~baby~doll~]

magic
what is this sound
it twirls me around
surly it is the chant of magic
beating in my heart

tempted by a vision
time for decision
surly this sight
will be scrying all the night
it is bound to be magic

my feelings loosely bound
have me hanging above the ground
candles burn
pages turn
my heart an open book
time for me to look
now i read the words of magic
the spell is not so tragic

a drop of blood does fall
finding yet my call
what was lost is now regained
the linen blouse is blood stained
the tearing of my heart
ripping from the start
it must be magic of a different kind
which comes to call
helping me not to fall

what magic is this
which binds my hands
it alters all my plans
on cold stone alter we all at sometime lie
knowing better than to cry
oh sweet release into magic's hands
makes for me different plans

the crow caws through the night
the familiar spirit of my cat
it runs and hides like a rat
the beak will certainly bite
and this is the magic it calls me best
this witch it comes and sinks into my breast

the lavender glows my selflessness
the white for my lost innocence
the pink shines forth in love
and here i lay the sacrifice
gift i am and still i be
i do not care what others see

they might judge i walk behind
they may laugh as i kneel at her feet
they may think it is insane to relish after loves unique pain
they can call me vile and disgusting to my face
the sweet caress of love will erase
i find myself bound in magic
no i am not tragic
i am purified by my life
though i will never be a wife

this witch is me
waiting here on bended knee
i will wait so patiently
this magic is my love
it burns me from above
it fills me like a dove

i rest my head in the night
i have learned not to fight
i will awake with the suns first light
seeing the beautiful magical day

[~baby~doll~]

i stand alone at the crossroads of my heart
all alone from the very start
i imagine all i could be
never once did i really see

falling in love is what i have done
i look through the kaleidoscope and see the only one
magic comes from every hand
and i will never wear a wedding band

the music of my heart you see
is the real key
lost forgotten and pushed aside
in YOUR heart i wish to reside

one bell rings at the end of day
telling me i have to pay
mourning brings the sound of weeping
here lies my heart in someones keeping

utopian daydreams keep life divine
the shards they sweep once were mine
when at last i have to go
finding out i will never know

is there reason in this rhyme
or is it all a waste of time
my heart it breaks along the line
no one worries it is only mine

i weep the sadness the dirge that's strife
no one cares it's just my life
so as i lie at slumbers hollow
i remain no one will follow

so here i stand with purple flowers
counting down the precious hours
now i lay me down in sleep
my eys no more they will not weep

[~baby~doll~]

Differences

different though we are
i have a crush on from afar
i can wish upon a star
or even wonder how you are

sometimes i think of you
and imagine what we might do
the unknown leaves me feeling blue
but what i feel is so true

i imagine you and say, "oh my"
to touch you, i think i would die
i wonder and think why
yearning only makes me cry

a thought today of you
yes the feeling is really true
the differences make me blue
each day i think anew

magic in my mind so free
here i sit across the sea
and wonder where i would rather be
only difference do i see

differences my mind can conceive
my heart knows what i really believe
my tears may fall like autumns leaves
the difference true and my soul it grieves

ponder this i truly do
how much different i am from you

[~baby~doll~]

Shores of Desire
long ago i saw with the eyes of a child and desired all
i looked over candy counters and the toy section of every department store
such eyes i had

as i grew larger things caught my eye
my desire grew as i

now i desire only to be
i want to search my heart
my mind
my center

desire has changed me
with age i seek all which is me
what makes me the one i am
what drives me
what is my soul
do i have one
is my energy someday to be released in a puff of smoke
where does it go

desire has changed and need disappears in a fog
one day i will cease to be
what is at the trails end

what do i desire at the end
i do not believe in a heaven or a hell
i believe in no magic afterlife
i just wonder and desire to know
what is in the ebb and flow

[~baby~doll~]

At Long Last

Sailing on memories waters
The fog rolls in
What have I done today
Oh God where have i been

The seeds of past have been planted
The plants once bright are drooped and thin
my mind twists in ways i do not understand
all the memory turns bland.

i glimpse now moments of clarity
when crystal clear all things become
i blink my eyes twice against the light
now my mind again is numb

i write these words which now to me are very clear
in the morning when i focus
all i will do is shed a tear
and i'll walk away filled with fear

yes there are times as now when the curtains open
and sunlight shines right through
i have this joy for just this moment
as tomorrow i may not remember you

i look at images of faces
once recalled as well as places
dimly lit is the place where i am seated
it hides my fears and the soon forgotten tears

Now i say it with emotion
i say to her i love you too
but as i turn to walk to brand new spaces
i may in the end forget her too

[~baby~doll~]

Fade
all of me gone
into Her
all my parts melting
into Her
all my bones turning to dust
into Her
i am shadow
of Her
my face diminishes in size, shape and visibility
Hers
my soul devoured
by Her
what is left of me
is Her
more than i know i yearn
for Her
pounding of my heart
is Her
waves of thought
for Her
all i am
is Her

[~baby~doll~]

my misery exceeds all my hopes

i feel cross when alone
it aches to the bone
more than this i can not carry
i mourn the friends i've had to bury

time it is to cast out my hopes
i write them down then burn the notes
cast a dark shadow on the snow
what is it you wish too know

i'll find a dress of black sack cloth
i'll not sit and aid my sloth
i bring Her tea on bended knees
Her word is harsh and never please

it is my duty to serve
it is Hers to crush my nerves
i can be happy as a bee
when i crawl on bended knee

[~baby~doll~]

Lost
i would never believe i could be so lost
i could find my way at any cost

now i sit and gaze at the walls
then stroll down empty halls

what is the day
help me find my way
do i live here and can i stay
tomorrow is another day

love is a grace
if we run the race
and keep the pace
some times i spin off and fly into space

where is the water i thirst
i could drink till i burst
i feel like i have been cursed

now it is good
everything as it should
knock on wood

my loves touch me
they help me see
they help me recall what i used to be
more often then not i drift in the sea
heaven knows what will come of me

does this color match
i burned another batch
when they go out i hear the latch

love is my answer