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Old 12-26-2011, 07:15 PM   #1
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Default I don't think she's out there

Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable.

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.
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Old 12-26-2011, 07:29 PM   #2
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My Mom was 38, in a country she barely spoke the language when she met my divorced, alcoholic, Father. She had resigned herself to being single, taking care of her mother and mentally ill sister. Long story, short....they were married 34 years when he passed away.

You just never know when, where, or how love will find you. I have gone through times when I wasn't open to love, and who knows who has passed me by then...true. But at the time it's where I had to be, and I came out of it. I'm sure you'll come out of this stage where you will be open again to who may come your way.

Take this time to make friends. That's often the best place to start.

And you need waaaaaay more than one cat to become the crazy cat librarian.

A
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Old 12-26-2011, 07:34 PM   #3
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Default Enjoy life!

Girl enjoy singlehood!! Find a sexy black dress accessorize and go out for NYE have yourself a good time being single does not equate dead!!!
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Old 12-26-2011, 07:39 PM   #4
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You say single like it's a bad thing. If you feel alone, increase the number of friends you have. I've been single for nearly 5 years and I have no intention of going back. I have more friends than I could have ever imagined and don't feel a compulsion to get into a relationship for the sake of getting into a relationship. I recognize it's different for everyone, but honestly, being single probably shouldn't be the primary reason for getting into a relationship.
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Old 12-26-2011, 07:45 PM   #5
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being single should be looked at as a choice,not a default! like Snow said--enjoy being single!
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Old 12-26-2011, 07:45 PM   #6
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I think many of us have felt like, that perfect someone wasn't out there. At sometimes in our lives, it's the perfect person for the moment, for a year or 8 or 10. Life, and love are fluid. Love yourself first, and be successful at that. You just never know what is around the next corner.
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Old 12-26-2011, 07:47 PM   #7
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Well, you're right. Your perfect partner isn't out there. A "perfect partner" doesn't exist.

I've had a tendency to get together with a lover after having known her for a long time, even a couple of years. I never thought of these women as potential partners when I met them but as I got to know them, we negotiated love and friendship and passion and comfort together in our two selves.

Someone who would make a loving partner for you is probably floating around out there (more than one, by my beliefs). You might miss her if you're just looking for the "perfect" one.
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Old 12-26-2011, 07:47 PM   #8
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VERY well spoken, MTN! Thanks brutha!
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I think many of us have felt like, that perfect someone wasn't out there. At sometimes in our lives, it's the perfect person for the moment, for a year or 8 or 10. Life, and love are fluid. Love yourself first, and be successful at that. You just never know what is around the next corner.
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Old 12-26-2011, 07:48 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lettertodaddy View Post
Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable.

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.
***i completely... completely... completely and totally empathize with you on this one!!!

do your very best in turning this downer into a positive by enjoying the friends you do have and will make along the way in your journeys.

this took courage to post for you i'm sure... i applaud you for sharing.

and know this one thing... if not anything else... You Are Not Alone In This...

~right there with you,
the tazzmeister
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Old 12-26-2011, 07:50 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ButchEire View Post
You say single like it's a bad thing. If you feel alone, increase the number of friends you have. I've been single for nearly 5 years and I have no intention of going back. I have more friends than I could have ever imagined and don't feel a compulsion to get into a relationship for the sake of getting into a relationship. I recognize it's different for everyone, but honestly, being single probably shouldn't be the primary reason for getting into a relationship.
***ButchEire... i like you! i could not have said it any better.
*fist pump and a ^5 to ya!
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Old 12-26-2011, 07:58 PM   #11
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I know what I say here will just sound like a bunch of cliches but here it goes.

Over 10 years ago I left a long term relationship of 13 years because I knew in my heart it wasn't all that I wanted. We were a very good couple in many ways but the deep passion just wasn't there. It was a very big risk for me to take leaving that relationship because I could have stayed quite comfortable. After that it was more than 10 years of very ups and downs (mostly downs) and a lot of mistakes made along the way. I never regretted my decision, but I became increasingly pessimistic that I would not find what I was looking for and wanted. To top it off I am a stone butch woman, which is a bit of a rare combination, so I thought that would make my chances even smaller.

I definitely found my One when I was least expecting it and after all those years of mishaps and disappointments. I had just been focusing on myself and cutting the ties from negativity and negative people. I had just moved into a new apartment and was focused on that and my websites and work. I was determined that I was just fine by myself, but I think deep down inside I never gave up to the possibility. We met right here on BFP and since first talking have been inseparable ever since, and I can't imagine anyone more perfect for me. It really does seem like a miracle, but it would have never happened if I had totally given up or settled for something not right for me.

I think a lot of it was good fortune and I can't guarantee the same can happen for anyone else, but I would say focus on yourself and keep your heart open to the possibilities of true love. I have really enjoyed reading your posts here and I truly believe you will be just fine either single or coupled. Best wishes to you. Don't stop believing in yourself or true love. They are both incredible things to enjoy and savor.
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Old 12-26-2011, 08:14 PM   #12
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First off.. I truly believe there IS someone for everyone.

This is just the way I think, my 2 cents.....

I do think there is someone out there for you. But in this time in your life you are putting too much into it or thinking about it too much. When you say you might be alone for the rest of your life, this to me is you feeling sorry for yourself. It's being negative in your thinking. When we continue to have negative words/thoughts then that is what is going to happen. I believe in thinking positive because when you do, things become more positive.

Being single is a time to heal and reflect and regain self worth. It's not a bad thing!!

I know this all too well. I was single for over 6 years. It felt as though I would never find someone. I realized I was depressed and negative towards my thoughts about myself and about having a relationship. It wasn't until I truly believed (again) in myself that I could open my heart up again and allow someone in. I have found someone that I truly adore. We are still in the dating stages. Even if things don't work out to were we can be together I know I have given this relationship everything I can give. I will have NO regrets and the things it has taught me so far, I will not take for granted and use them to move forward.

I guess what I'm trying to say is.. Be positive get rid of the negative! Things will happen when you are truly ready to let them happen....

good luck to you.. you will find love again.. just don't settle for anything but the right one!!
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Old 12-26-2011, 08:24 PM   #13
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She's out there...

Waiting to see you laughing over coffee,

Watching you smile at work,

Seeing how much fun you are having with your friends,

Watching you dance,


She's waiting on you---to be happy with yourself, active in your life and comfortable with your friends--then she's going to come out of nowhere.
She's more attracted to you when you're smiling, confident, and secure in
yourself. She wants this to have a great start, and is waiting for timing to be
better.

She's been looking for you, too.
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Old 12-26-2011, 08:35 PM   #14
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Honey,

I don't know you but my heart really goes out to you. We have, or at least many have, been there done that, way more than once actually.

I am glad you have your cat. One of the saddest times in my life, i got my puppy Bella. That dog literally saved my life. Kissed away many tears and helped fill a big empty bed. Her snoring like a 400 pound human helped a little too. lol. Embrace that sweet cat of yours.

Hold true to your values.
Hold true to your heart.
Hold true to your desire to be the wonderful person that i'm sure you are.

Don't settle. Make a list of your perfect someone. Make sure you don't steer from that list.

Life is short. Embrace everyday. Be happy everyday, no matter if you are single or not. Love many people, even if they are just friends. I love many friends very deeply, it is possible to have deep and loving relationships with friends.

I believe in fairy tale endings. I believed in mine and it came true.

I also believe in yours.

Peace.
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Old 12-26-2011, 08:45 PM   #15
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Default I understand

letter, I hear you. And, until recently, I felt the same way you do. What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

This is Canada, where we have same/sex privileges in abundance. But, the number of femme to butch ratio is about 50 to 1. And then, that 1 is usually an andro butch.

So, it is true my dear. We can attend functions, dances, pub night in Langley, Rascals play parties, and perhaps a single, Top, stone, Daddi might appear. We can dream, right? lol

Give me a shout if you wish. We can organize a femme tea???

Candice

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Old 12-26-2011, 08:59 PM   #16
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[QUOTE=fever;492551]letter, I hear you. And, until recently, I felt the same way you do. What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

***i very much agree with this statistic... i'm a realist. and this is a very realitic point of view.
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Old 12-26-2011, 09:55 PM   #17
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Default Letter

What you're feeling isn't unique..Everyone feels like this intermittently throughout our lives because it's in our dna to bond..it's hard to make peace with something that is very persistent..but if it's meant to be, it will happen..meanwhile as Snow said you are not dead there are all kinds of "things" you can find to amuse yourself..just be open to life, stay sweet and positive..Work on doing somethings that interest and excite you..
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Old 12-26-2011, 10:08 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fever View Post
letter, I hear you. And, until recently, I felt the same way you do. What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

This is Canada, where we have same/sex privileges in abundance. But, the number of femme to butch ratio is about 50 to 1. And then, that 1 is usually an andro butch.

So, it is true my dear. We can attend functions, dances, pub night in Langley, Rascals play parties, and perhaps a single, Top, stone, Daddi might appear. We can dream, right? lol

Give me a shout if you wish. We can organize a femme tea???

Candice
**note to self...crash femme tea party** Am just a hop, skip and a jump over the border
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Old 12-26-2011, 10:45 PM   #19
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Scuba, come on up! You are too funny. It will be the femmes hopping and skipping should you arrive, especially if you are on that motorcycle.

You have no idea what potential you have about the 49th!

You made me smile tonight. How was your Christmas party? Pictures???

oops, off topic. Gemini trait.

ciao,
Candice
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Old 12-26-2011, 11:04 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lettertodaddy View Post
Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable.

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tapu View Post
Well, you're right. Your perfect partner isn't out there. A "perfect partner" doesn't exist.

I've had a tendency to get together with a lover after having known her for a long time, even a couple of years. I never thought of these women as potential partners when I met them but as I got to know them, we negotiated love and friendship and passion and comfort together in our two selves.

Someone who would make a loving partner for you is probably floating around out there (more than one, by my beliefs). You might miss her if you're just looking for the "perfect" one.
I have to agree with tapu....perfection does not exist. When we get so focused on finding THE "one" with the exact characteristics that we seek, we lose sight of a lot of other folks who are wonderful, whether they wind up partners or not.

I do think you should keep some major things in mind....for example, for me those might be a Stone Butch or TG Daddy who likes X, Y and Z....and put it out into the Universe. Write it down and burn it if it helps. Let someone else take care of it, as this stuff tends to drive us to the brink of insanity.

In the meantime, you be the best you that you can be. Positivity brings positivity. Negativity brings trouble.
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