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Old 12-27-2011, 01:53 PM   #41
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Originally Posted by Blue_Vegan_Daddy-O View Post
I have been in that same place...wondering if my imperfect mate died before I could get to her, because it felt like I would never find her. Letter, your love is out there. You will find each other. Don't ever give up believing. And when you least expect it.... POOOOOF! LoL. Well I take that back. It isn't always POOOF when you least expect it. That's just cow patties. Eeeewwww. I have stepped in a few of those. It does happen when your looking too, putting yourself out there, being happy, after feeling depressed for a spell, meeting others, being patient and back to impatient... and then POOOOOOF!! LoL. It happens. Love, standing right in front of you. Waiting for you to seize the moment.

Don't forget to feed your soul while you're waiting. And take good care of your new Kitty friend and don't kick Kitty out of the bed when your new love arrives.
Damn that type is big.
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Old 12-27-2011, 02:08 PM   #42
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Originally Posted by lettertodaddy View Post
I have to say I'm a little confused why so many people hung up on the word "perfect" in my post.

Have any of you heard the song "I'm not perfect, but I'm perfect for you" by Grace Jones? That's the concept I'm thinking of.

We all have a notion of what we want in life, what type and temperament of person will complement us best. I don't seek perfection in a human being. We are all fantastically flawed. Still and yet, I think that there is nothing wrong with wanting to pursue the "perfect fit" when it comes to a partner. I spent 10 years with someone who wasn't a perfect fit, and tried every day of those 10 years to make it work, to just make do, to settle and accept what I had.

No more.

Compromise and working together are fine, but so is wanting a love that is perfect for me.


Hmm... I took your screen name as a sign also that you have "the perfect person" in mind. Like, writing a letter to someone in your head who you've already defined. Are you sure that who you are looking for might not be more flexibly envisioned?
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Old 12-27-2011, 02:15 PM   #43
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Love will find you.
When you least expect.
When you are happy and true to YOU.
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Old 12-27-2011, 02:26 PM   #44
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I read an article recently in the Vancouver sun that said something to the effect that of all the Canadian cities, Vancouver is the most remote, the most distant, and the most difficult to make friends in. I've lived here 11 years, and I can count the friends I have on one hand. Only a couple of them are queer, and only one of them is single (and she's not interested in me). I've heard other people who moved here from elsewhere say pretty much the same thing - that this is a really tough town to make friends in.
That is SO TRUE.

Mind you, I only lived in Vancouver for a year. But in that year I made exactly 3 friends who I hung out with - and 9 years later (I moved back to Ontario 9 years ago) I am only in touch with 1 of them and the other 2 I have no idea where they're at.

You should consider moving to Toronto. I know it's very "Toronto" to talk about how awesome Toronto is...but it just freaking is. I had an incredibly easy time meeting and getting to know people and always felt loved on and included. I used to joke that no homa (homa is what I call female queers) could leave their apartment without alerting 50 of their closest friends first. Friendly folks, Torontonians.

(I am not trying to be pithy, by the way...but being single kind of rocks. At least I remember it that way. I sure did like being able to do whatever I felt like doing without having to take another person's feelings/wants/needs into consideration.)
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Old 12-27-2011, 02:36 PM   #45
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Here's the thing about love, you have to love yourself first, the rest as they say is gravy. Enjoy being who you are, the confidence is catchy and attractive, people see that and want to be around you. (generic).
That's the best advice I can give to anyone.
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Old 12-27-2011, 02:46 PM   #46
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Wow. A beautiful thread filled with real emotions. And brave posts. I bow and send much respect to all of you.

I have had an 'active' love life in my years, but no- I have not yet found 'The One' for life. But all the women I've been involved with have brought me closer to her whoever she might be.

And none of those women were a waste of time. I believe we are all here for a reason, to learn something we need to learn. And all of them have helped me learn something about myself so I thank them deeply and love them for that.

Have I felt sorry for myself over the years? Oh yes. But like many of you have already said, I do believe that happiness is a choice. I had a lot of tragedy back in my young adulthood life and spent years depressed until I asked myself (in my best Dr. Phil voice), 'How's that workin' for ya?" Well, it wasn't. I started looking at the people I respected and felt jealous towards....and made a decision to alter my thoughts and aim for happiness. It didn't come easy and took a few years, but I can honestly say that I am a happy person now. Single...and happy.

And I have a clearer thought of who I am looking for. Letter, here's the best advice I can give. You can't stop yourself from being depressed over this overnight so don't try. But do also try to start increasing the time you spend on thinking positively about yourself. In other words, always strive to become the person you're proud to be. That will attract the right person.

And in the meantime, it will also attract friends who you will feel blessed to have in your life. I recently lost a cousin who felt like a failure because she never made a relationship work. At her memorial in Berkeley close to 300 people showed up. Most of them saying how she altered their lives and added so much to their lives. She was lucky-the month before she died most of those people came to visit her and told her in person. Before she died she came to realize how successful she was. How lucky we would all be if we held that thought during our active lives and not on our deathbeds?

And so...................for the next 20 seconds after reading this let's all give thanks for all that we have!
1,2,3,4, 5,6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20

Ok, rest. You can feel sorry again. we don't want to go too fast with this. lol

But if you do that enough, trust me, it will increase and become real.

And in the meantime, we're here for you. And with you
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Old 12-27-2011, 02:55 PM   #47
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All good information and if I may add, some people are simply fine staying single. Like heterosexualty, being in a relationship may be the "norm" but that doesn't make it anything but common and it isn't healthy for everyone. That doesn't mean not having people in your life. I'm finding that in my experience as I get older, I have more friends and no desire or inclination to be in a relationship. YMMV, of course.
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Old 12-27-2011, 03:05 PM   #48
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fever View Post
What all of the people who have spoken to your post don't realize, is that there AREN'T many butches here. And, the few that are here, are either already partnered or dating other butches.

This is Canada, where we have same/sex privileges in abundance. But, the number of femme to butch ratio is about 50 to 1. And then, that 1 is usually an andro butch.

So, it is true my dear. We can attend functions, dances, pub night in Langley, Rascals play parties, and perhaps a single, Top, stone, Daddi might appear. We can dream, right? lol

Give me a shout if you wish. We can organize a femme tea???

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SINGLE AVAILABLE BUTCH HERE!!! checking on flights to Canada

Letter....like most people here have been saying, don't sell yourself short. There is someone out there for everyone. Don't give up on love. You seem like a very sweet lady, and I'm sure some lucky butch is out there ready to sweep you off your feet!!!

Jay
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Old 12-27-2011, 03:25 PM   #49
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Single butch here too.

There have been a lot of nice informative replies to the original post.

I, too, am finding myself again (after 14 year relationship) and am just taking it one day at a time.

Hang in there!
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Old 12-27-2011, 03:39 PM   #50
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I, too, have pretty much given up on finding "the one." While it seems that's been the only thing I've wanted to focus on in the past few months, there are things with myself that I really need to take care of. I know all of us are going to have our ups and downs, trials and tribulations, etc., that we all go through in our lives. But then I have to wonder, am I EVER going to be in a good place to share my life with someone?

I'm currently living in Kentucky (been here for the past five years), and it's really hard to find single people in general, and even more difficult to find single lesbians. It's seems as though I'm at a crossroads in my life, however, and kind of feel like my life is imploding around me. I still haven't found a full-time job, I can count the number of friends on one hand, I keep saying how I want to move, and now maybe's the time. I can't say that I have anything that's keeping me here...
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Old 12-27-2011, 03:53 PM   #51
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Default Have courage of heart...

I've only been on this wonderful community a few times...with a long absence in between...but I know of where you speak... "the perfect person" ... do they exist?

I don't know...I thought so... "once upon a time" ...I understand about it being a tough year...and the holidays always have a way of reminding us "single" people of what we "don't" have in the way of a relationship...I mean you see the perfect Norman Rockwell commercials - you know the home and hearth and the perfectly wrapped gift from the one you love...all dressed up in your slippers and bathroom underneath the perfectly decorated tree...lights twinkling...fire crackling...

Nothing is perfect...not life, not love...I think we put to many expectations on ourselves...and on other people perhaps...perhaps I am guilty of that too... "expectations" ... even when you say you don't...God knows I am far from perfect...

I don't trust much myself anymore...my heart has beat and battered and ripped apart more than once this past year and half...but despite ALL of that and through all the hurt...I know that "love" is real...I know it isn't easy and I know it isn't perfect...but I know it is worth the effort...if you have courage enough to "try" again and put your heart out there...the bruises you have...just have enabled you to love in a deeper and kinder way...and someone out there needs that...and wants that and will show you the same...

Maybe what you seek is just around the corner...with the next spoken word or smile...or outstretched heart...don't give up...

Love is too precious a thing...hang in there...even though it hurts...even though it seems hopeless...maybe "you" are just the person someone else is looking for...and they are waiting for you to reach out ----open your heart and find them...

Until that time...cuddle with that kitty who will give so much love...and be thankful for blessings not yet received...yes, perhaps in the way of love ...
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Old 12-27-2011, 04:02 PM   #52
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Once I thought there may be something wrong with me if I didnt have a hot femme on my arm, but over the years I just have desided to injoy being single cause the worry was not doing any good.If Mrs.Right shows up great if not im ok with it...really.OH there are some I would like to get to know better but im not shure a ldr is good for either of us..they havent worked for me so im not shure it ever will...corse I wish it would but things are what they are.
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Old 12-27-2011, 05:45 PM   #53
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Maybe ‘the One’ for you isn’t ready to find you, yet! She may need time to heal from past hurts or she could be rediscovering herself in readiness for meeting you!

I know it’s easy to say ‘find happiness with yourself/within yourself and you’ll attract love’, but, it’s true! Being comfortable and accepting yourself really does attract people.

There has been a time in life when I was down and felt as though there wasn’t anyone out there for me, but, then my whole world felt like it ended because of the events in my life at that time, and I wasn’t ready for or able to offer what another may need/want at that time from me….it wouldn’t have been fair to her/hym or me.

I’ve been single for 4 years….the first 2 through choice after nearly 8 years with my Ex. For the past 2 years, I’ve enjoyed dating a varied selection of Butches (from stone, metro sexual to Butch/Studs) with the occasional Femme/soft Butch.

I’m open to meeting ‘the One for me’ and being single and dating/going out with friends has given me the opportunity to do the things I’ve wanted to without having to consider anyone else….sounds selfish, I know, yet, I’ve been able to achieve something’s without the distraction of a relationship. Sometimes, being single is an unanswered prayer….

Also, the only snoring I have to put up with at this time, are the rhythmical ones of my 5 beautiful furbabies….Oh! And my cousin in the other room (whose snoring can be heard in the next street! I kid you not! ….Serves him right for breaking his nose whilst perving at a women….he was 7 years old at the time of ‘injury’! LOL!).


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Old 12-27-2011, 06:11 PM   #54
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I can group myself amongst the single.

Since my written words come easier than my in person words and there have been times when a few of you femmes here have peeked my interest, but I just haven't put me in a position to put me out there. I suppose I'm still working on me and I may or may not be a work in progress.

LTD, I have often wondered about that perfect person for me, the one that gets me, the one that doesn't want to change me, the one that will take me as I am...flawed. I don't have a list for what I seek in a person because I know when she comes into my life, we'll both know it. I'm not a dating site kind of person because I worry too much about who is really behind that monitor pounding away at those keys. Here on BFP, I can get a better idea of what a person is like by reading posts. Interesting to read through this thread and see there are already 3 of you in your area from this site that can go out and have a grand time if you plan it that way. Go out, have fun and know that the person you seek may just be out there looking for a fun person. Timing is everything, right place right time...make the time, make the plans and seek out happy. Everything will fall into place when it's supposed to happen.

Oh and there are others that live in areas where we feel isolated when it comes to making friends where we live. Some of us in bigger cities, others in smaller towns. One thing I've learned, if it is to be, it is up to me.
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Old 12-27-2011, 10:21 PM   #55
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Default oops

Scuba, I meant ABOVE the 49th. lol

I shall contact Tiggs, Curley, Siam Blue, and a few others to get this tea idea going. We have done it before.

Letter, we don't live that far from Seattle either. Maybe we can do a road trip to one of the dances down there. (then it isn't so far for Scuba to travel) lol


the social secretary,
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Old 12-27-2011, 10:23 PM   #56
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Exclamation Road trip!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by fever View Post
Scuba, I meant ABOVE the 49th. lol

I shall contact Tiggs, Curley, Siam Blue, and a few others to get this tea idea going. We have done it before.

Letter, we don't live that far from Seattle either. Maybe we can do a road trip to one of the dances down there. (then it isn't so far for Scuba to travel) lol


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Candice


There ya go Seattle has butches!!!

See she's out there!!
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Old 12-27-2011, 10:32 PM   #57
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Originally Posted by fever View Post
Scuba, I meant ABOVE the 49th. lol

I shall contact Tiggs, Curley, Siam Blue, and a few others to get this tea idea going. We have done it before.

Letter, we don't live that far from Seattle either. Maybe we can do a road trip to one of the dances down there. (then it isn't so far for Scuba to travel) lol


the social secretary,
Candice
I've met Fever and can vouch for her beauty and kind, kind spirit!! And her hot, HOT cleavage! You all shall have a blast together!
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Old 12-27-2011, 10:36 PM   #58
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Oh, they're out there alright... hiding behind a bush with my perfect person, scrooched up together, snickering at my calling into the wind, my wild eyes, searching...

*headin' over to the "Who do you write like?" thread
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Old 12-28-2011, 10:05 AM   #59
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If you guys are organizing a femme tea, please let me know. My 8+ year relationship just ended fucking yesterday (seriously, who gets dumped on Boxing Day?), and could def use some girls right now. I agree, this is a tough town to make friends in.

((Letter)) Hugs to you, I hope you find happiness soon...
*hugs*

Let's do this. Time/date/location? I'm limited to in-town because I don't have a car.
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Old 12-28-2011, 12:42 PM   #60
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*hugs*

Let's do this. Time/date/location? I'm limited to in-town because I don't have a car.
Same situation. I'm very specifically a West End girl, but can cross a bridge to other neighborhoods if needed.
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