That first meet

imperfect_cupcake · 08-04-2015, 08:13 AM

I have a question for those who date from on line...

Say you have talked to someone for about two weeks (that my usual before meeting someone. I like to get a feel for the person before meeting up and I don't like leaving it too long as I don't want it to get ahead of its self).

You both agree there is a nice click on line, you've had three or four great conversations through email or text and a phone call or two... and you decide to meet up to see how that is.

Describe to me what you normally do.

Tell me what would be your ideal meet up.

imperfect_cupcake · 08-04-2015, 08:27 AM

Me?

Typical: it's not a date. Since it's the very first time we are meeting I don't really consider it a date. I meet up for a coffee or a drink locally. I do not get into someone's car if I haven't met them yet for them to pick me up and take me somewhere though it's been asked of me several times.

Ideal: there is a lot of banter, joking and laughing, swapping stories and being very open. We don't talk about deep painful things. If we do talk about experiences, we don't do it with a "therapy" tone but matter of fact and with a dark sense of humour to diffuse it.
They do not try to hold my hand or grab any part of my body in the first hour.
I like they get my sense of humour. I like how playful they are. I like how easily they talk about themselves and their life without being "heavy." I like they can talk about difficult things without it being all about feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings. I like they can joke about hard stuff.

They don't write me a love poem or start making me promises.

If they have come from a ways away they have booked a room for themselves and don't expect to stay with me. They asked me if I know of any close good places (or cheap) but they don't ask me to book for them.

They understand I have full time school and that I can't spend an entire day with them, even if it's a day off. Or they offer to help me study in the park and they really actually help me study and not distract me.

They don't expect monogamy from meeting only once.

Gráinne · 08-04-2015, 09:38 AM

Something like this just happened to me, although it wasn't a date or intended to lead to more than it was. It was more like "I'm coming into your city and have no idea where I'm going". My friend kindly offered to meet me at the airport and be the driver for the evening.

All went well. I was in a different country, and so much of the conversation (and laughter) had to do with our differences. Nothing too heavy, nothing depressing. Food was involved, and a stop for a map (for me). Then she dropped me at the hotel (which I found by recognizing the street name), and I collapsed in exhaustion.

I've had the date kind of meet-ups that you describe, and thought this was probably the best of them, even if not a date

. For me, it's about feeling safe and at ease with the other person whom you still don't know very well.

MsTinkerbelly · 08-04-2015, 01:09 PM

Meeting on-line people from long distance:

Always a lot of time spent emailing and on phone before meeting. One time had room at a hotel, one time stayed with person after being picked-up from the airport, one time picked up someone 3 hours away, stayed at hotel.

All relationships lasted for around 6 months

My Kasey was local:

Met on-line, talked on phone non-stop for a few weeks, met at diner for coffee. Had date next weekend, boom, together since then.

I know that for *me*, I don't do long distance very well...easily distracted I guess! Lololololol

C0LLETTE · 08-04-2015, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

I have a question for those who date from on line...

Say you have talked to someone for about two weeks (that my usual before meeting someone. I like to get a feel for the person before meeting up and I don't like leaving it too long as I don't want it to get ahead of its self).

You both agree there is a nice click on line, you've had three or four great conversations through email or text and a phone call or two... and you decide to meet up to see how that is.

Describe to me what you normally do.

Tell me what would be your ideal meet up.

I'm a fairly "nice looking", reasonably well educated, reasonably well-cultured, well educated, older woman. I'm good humoured and a pleasant dinner companion. I sometimes arrange to meet people in my travels: largely because I'm interested in a local viewpoint on where they live; how they live there and why; and sometimes because I find them particularly intriguing. I generally make it clear that I'm just passing through and my life will remain elsewhere.

Twice now, in many many encounters, this has led to people making the arduous journey to Canada to live with me... for long relationships... I have never been moved to do the same and likely never will. My business and long time interests keep me here and I've seldom wanted for local companionship. I enjoy those I meet, however briefly, but I do not lie or make promises I'm essentially unlikely to keep.

Tuff Stuff · 08-04-2015, 09:29 PM

I did this a few times,online dating i mean.None of the relationships lasted over 4-6 months.
I am a huge flirt with people in person,online i'm kind of shy *shrugs*

Okay,lets say I met someone online today and after a few cell calls we decide to meet in real time.

On a first date I bring humor to the table and I never touch on the first date..and just say I couldn't resist and tried to get a kiss,she has the right to do two things to me..slap me or bring out the taser.Because I believe you don't have the right to touch her on a first date unless she gives you permission.

Dinner would be any where she wants to go,a movie,a dance or go have a drink.That drink could just be coffee.

Expect flowers on the first date,cause i'm wired like that...candy to..if she drinks..add a bottle of wine..but i'm not out to get her drunk.

Conversation would be about her,how she views this mad world we live in.

The first date is all about her...also,I never went to visit their homes until the 3rd or 4th date.I would stay at a hotel or motel.Talking about my previous online partners.

But the actually meeting with these past online lovers was purely for sex,our online conversations were how they wanted to be seduced.Oh,they would talk about family and their daily lives...but in the end,the hook ups were mainly for sex.After the sex got old,there was never really anything to talk about..so we'd part ways and tried to stay in touch but it never lead to anything much afterwards.

Shystonefem · 08-05-2015, 02:58 PM

I have met 2 people in RL from two different websites.

Usually, just lunch or dinner or drinks, etc.... I don't hook up for sex, its just how I am, I guess.

I can totally see getting to know another person through phone calls, emails, Facebook, etc... I can even see visiting the other person, but, I don't see me in an LDR for a long time.

I am not the type of person that is satisfied with just a conversation and meeting up a few times a year. Although it does have it obvious perks (time for myself, my dogs, family, work, etc), it's just not who I am.

Gemme · 08-05-2015, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tuff Stuff

On a first date I bring humor to the table and I never touch on the first date..and just say I couldn't resist and tried to get a kiss,she has the right to do two things to me..slap me or bring out the taser.Because I believe you don't have the right to touch her on a first date unless she gives you permission.

Excellent point. No one has the right to put their hands on another....whether in jest or affectionately or anyhow....no matter when it is....without that person's expressed permission.

As for first meets, it's a date. If I get gussied up and make more than the usual effort to look appealing, it's a date. It may be a lunch date but it's still a date.

As for the level of intimacy, it depends on how the communication has gone previously. I may not want anything more than a hug and kiss on the cheek or I may be thinking about the best way to get out of my skirt without falling and launching myself headfirst into the wall. There's nothing seductive or sexy about a mild concussion or sheetrock in your hair.

I have boundaries but not a long laundry list of rules. What happens, happens. I try to be smart and safe but I try not to limit my experiences either.

DapperButch · 08-10-2015, 04:21 PM

It has been a long time since I have gone online to meet someone new.

My deal is pretty simple. I only date within a 30 mile radius. I meet for a drink or coffee. If we are interested in each other, we can then go to dinner, for a walk, etc. Like cupcake said, I meet within a couple of emails/conversations. Misperceptions/expectations as to who the person will be can come into play if it goes on much longer than that.

Sexual contact is not off the table.

It has been close to 15 years since I have put an ad/met someone online, but I like the medium very much. Quick sorting.

P.S. cupcake, I think it is laughable that you even need to make the monogamous comment, especially when I think about the other stories you have told of first dates. Where do you find these people?? They always want to swallow you whole (and not in a good way!).

Ascot · 08-10-2015, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

There's nothing seductive or sexy about a mild concussion or sheetrock in your hair.

I'm thinking this is the most humorous thing I've read here in quite a while.

JDeere · 08-10-2015, 04:57 PM

I meet when I feel the time is right. No set time for me.

I have met quite a few from online and yeah no thanks. Too many screws loose.

I meet for drinks and to talk. Sex, if it happens it happens. However at the time I was meeting folks, I had been single for a very long time so and was not ready to settle down.

I may be off the market now but I'm not ready to settle down still, I want to sow my wild oats still before I turn 45.

imperfect_cupcake · 08-11-2015, 05:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch

It has been a long time since I have gone online to meet someone new.

My deal is pretty simple. I only date within a 30 mile radius. I meet for a drink or coffee. If we are interested in each other, we can then go to dinner, for a walk, etc. Like cupcake said, I meet within a couple of emails/conversations. Misperceptions/expectations as to who the person will be can come into play if it goes on much longer than that.

Sexual contact is not off the table.

It has been close to 15 years since I have put an ad/met someone online, but I like the medium very much. Quick sorting.

P.S. cupcake, I think it is laughable that you even need to make the monogamous comment, especially when I think about the other stories you have told of first dates. Where do you find these people?? They always want to swallow you whole (and not in a good way!).

I'm not sure. Sometimes I wonder myself.

But then I'm a completely shit first date!

CherryWine · 11-16-2015, 03:44 PM

I am curious to know what everyone's thoughts are on the appropriate way to greet someone upon first meeting him/her. Let's say you've only exchanged a few messages, you seem to dig each other, and you've decided to meet up for dinner in order to get to know one another better.

I don't particularly care to hug someone whom I have never met in person before and haven't gotten to know well enough, yet. Not right off the bat, anyway. Hugging is intimate, especially if it is a full frontal hug...ha. A handshake almost seems too business-like for meeting a possible romantic interest, though.

Thoughts?

A. Spectre · 11-16-2015, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CherryWine

I am curious to know what everyone's thoughts are on the appropriate way to greet someone upon first meeting him/her. Let's say you've only exchanged a few messages, you seem to dig each other, and you've decided to meet up for dinner in order to get to know one another better.

I don't particularly care to hug someone whom I have never met in person before and haven't gotten to know well enough, yet. Not right off the bat, anyway. Hugging is intimate, especially if it is a full frontal hug...ha. A handshake almost seems too business-like for meeting a possible romantic interest, though.

Thoughts?

A light kiss on a cheek (face) seems very polite, not too intimate and not too aloof.

Nattih · 11-16-2015, 04:26 PM

I always greet with a hug, not sure why, but I just do. I will remember to ask from now on, because I never thought about it being too intimate or forced touching (but thank you for bringing up that point).

I date long and short distance, but for the first date I expect the same things no matter what.

On the first date I expect an actual, sit down, formal dinner date and drinks. I do not agree to short meet ups like coffee. If you are at all iffy about spending a dinner with me, I would rather us not go out.

I try to give off really friendly vibes, in order to cool down any nervousness and to get the person to open up to me. I'm a flirty and silly person in general, so that's my method of operation.

"Elongating" the date is always on the table both platonic or otherwise.

I have had all good experiences with my methods so far, except the time I was told 10 minutes ahead of time, by text message that she actually had a girlfriend already. Yeah.

*Anya* · 11-16-2015, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CherryWine

I am curious to know what everyone's thoughts are on the appropriate way to greet someone upon first meeting him/her. Let's say you've only exchanged a few messages, you seem to dig each other, and you've decided to meet up for dinner in order to get to know one another better.

I don't particularly care to hug someone whom I have never met in person before and haven't gotten to know well enough, yet. Not right off the bat, anyway. Hugging is intimate, especially if it is a full frontal hug...ha. A handshake almost seems too business-like for meeting a possible romantic interest, though.

Thoughts?

Quote:

Originally Posted by A. Spectre

A light kiss on a cheek (face) seems very polite, not too intimate and not too aloof.

It has been a long time since I had a first meet but I am pretty reserved.

I never hug someone I don't know well and even a kiss on the cheek might be too much for me until I know someone more than superficially.

Gemme · 11-16-2015, 08:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CherryWine

I am curious to know what everyone's thoughts are on the appropriate way to greet someone upon first meeting him/her. Let's say you've only exchanged a few messages, you seem to dig each other, and you've decided to meet up for dinner in order to get to know one another better.

I don't particularly care to hug someone whom I have never met in person before and haven't gotten to know well enough, yet. Not right off the bat, anyway. Hugging is intimate, especially if it is a full frontal hug...ha. A handshake almost seems too business-like for meeting a possible romantic interest, though.

Thoughts?

How about a sideways hug like the ones teachers have to give? Reserved, politically correct and legal affection in its prime.

CherryWine · 11-16-2015, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

How about a sideways hug like the ones teachers have to give? Reserved, politically correct and legal affection in its prime.

I'm already picturing this in my head.

08-04-2015, 08:13 AM	#1
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	That first meet I have a question for those who date from on line... Say you have talked to someone for about two weeks (that my usual before meeting someone. I like to get a feel for the person before meeting up and I don't like leaving it too long as I don't want it to get ahead of its self). You both agree there is a nice click on line, you've had three or four great conversations through email or text and a phone call or two... and you decide to meet up to see how that is. Describe to me what you normally do. Tell me what would be your ideal meet up.

08-04-2015, 08:27 AM	#2
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Me? Typical: it's not a date. Since it's the very first time we are meeting I don't really consider it a date. I meet up for a coffee or a drink locally. I do not get into someone's car if I haven't met them yet for them to pick me up and take me somewhere though it's been asked of me several times. Ideal: there is a lot of banter, joking and laughing, swapping stories and being very open. We don't talk about deep painful things. If we do talk about experiences, we don't do it with a "therapy" tone but matter of fact and with a dark sense of humour to diffuse it. They do not try to hold my hand or grab any part of my body in the first hour. I like they get my sense of humour. I like how playful they are. I like how easily they talk about themselves and their life without being "heavy." I like they can talk about difficult things without it being all about feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings. I like they can joke about hard stuff. They don't write me a love poem or start making me promises. If they have come from a ways away they have booked a room for themselves and don't expect to stay with me. They asked me if I know of any close good places (or cheap) but they don't ask me to book for them. They understand I have full time school and that I can't spend an entire day with them, even if it's a day off. Or they offer to help me study in the park and they really actually help me study and not distract me. They don't expect monogamy from meeting only once. Last edited by imperfect_cupcake; 08-04-2015 at 08:29 AM.

08-04-2015, 09:38 AM	#3
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,818 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,011 Thanked 7,246 Times in 1,416 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Something like this just happened to me, although it wasn't a date or intended to lead to more than it was. It was more like "I'm coming into your city and have no idea where I'm going". My friend kindly offered to meet me at the airport and be the driver for the evening. All went well. I was in a different country, and so much of the conversation (and laughter) had to do with our differences. Nothing too heavy, nothing depressing. Food was involved, and a stop for a map (for me). Then she dropped me at the hotel (which I found by recognizing the street name), and I collapsed in exhaustion. I've had the date kind of meet-ups that you describe, and thought this was probably the best of them, even if not a date . For me, it's about feeling safe and at ease with the other person whom you still don't know very well. __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

08-10-2015, 04:21 PM	#9
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,893 Times in 5,771 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	It has been a long time since I have gone online to meet someone new. My deal is pretty simple. I only date within a 30 mile radius. I meet for a drink or coffee. If we are interested in each other, we can then go to dinner, for a walk, etc. Like cupcake said, I meet within a couple of emails/conversations. Misperceptions/expectations as to who the person will be can come into play if it goes on much longer than that. Sexual contact is not off the table. It has been close to 15 years since I have put an ad/met someone online, but I like the medium very much. Quick sorting. P.S. cupcake, I think it is laughable that you even need to make the monogamous comment, especially when I think about the other stories you have told of first dates. Where do you find these people?? They always want to swallow you whole (and not in a good way!). __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

08-10-2015, 04:57 PM	#11
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,871 Times in 9,718 Posts Rep Power: 21474863	I meet when I feel the time is right. No set time for me. I have met quite a few from online and yeah no thanks. Too many screws loose. I meet for drinks and to talk. Sex, if it happens it happens. However at the time I was meeting folks, I had been single for a very long time so and was not ready to settle down. I may be off the market now but I'm not ready to settle down still, I want to sow my wild oats still before I turn 45. __________________ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein

08-04-2015, 01:09 PM	#4
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,958 Times in 5,020 Posts Rep Power: 0	Meeting on-line people from long distance: Always a lot of time spent emailing and on phone before meeting. One time had room at a hotel, one time stayed with person after being picked-up from the airport, one time picked up someone 3 hours away, stayed at hotel. All relationships lasted for around 6 months My Kasey was local: Met on-line, talked on phone non-stop for a few weeks, met at diner for coffee. Had date next weekend, boom, together since then. I know that for me, I don't do long distance very well...easily distracted I guess! Lololololol

08-04-2015, 09:29 PM	#6
Tuff Stuff Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Woman Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Married Join Date: May 2013 Location: California Posts: 695 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 904 Thanked 1,318 Times in 506 Posts Rep Power: 9408452	I did this a few times,online dating i mean.None of the relationships lasted over 4-6 months. I am a huge flirt with people in person,online i'm kind of shy shrugs Okay,lets say I met someone online today and after a few cell calls we decide to meet in real time. On a first date I bring humor to the table and I never touch on the first date..and just say I couldn't resist and tried to get a kiss,she has the right to do two things to me..slap me or bring out the taser.Because I believe you don't have the right to touch her on a first date unless she gives you permission. Dinner would be any where she wants to go,a movie,a dance or go have a drink.That drink could just be coffee. Expect flowers on the first date,cause i'm wired like that...candy to..if she drinks..add a bottle of wine..but i'm not out to get her drunk. Conversation would be about her,how she views this mad world we live in. The first date is all about her...also,I never went to visit their homes until the 3rd or 4th date.I would stay at a hotel or motel.Talking about my previous online partners. But the actually meeting with these past online lovers was purely for sex,our online conversations were how they wanted to be seduced.Oh,they would talk about family and their daily lives...but in the end,the hook ups were mainly for sex.After the sex got old,there was never really anything to talk about..so we'd part ways and tried to stay in touch but it never lead to anything much afterwards.

08-05-2015, 02:58 PM	#7
Shystonefem Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Shy for President Join Date: May 2014 Location: NH Posts: 1,105 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,475 Thanked 3,678 Times in 898 Posts Rep Power: 21474847	I have met 2 people in RL from two different websites. Usually, just lunch or dinner or drinks, etc.... I don't hook up for sex, its just how I am, I guess. I can totally see getting to know another person through phone calls, emails, Facebook, etc... I can even see visiting the other person, but, I don't see me in an LDR for a long time. I am not the type of person that is satisfied with just a conversation and meeting up a few times a year. Although it does have it obvious perks (time for myself, my dogs, family, work, etc), it's just not who I am.

11-16-2015, 03:44 PM	#13
CherryWine Senior Member How Do You Identify?: lesbian femme Join Date: Oct 2014 Location: The Deep South Posts: 2,491 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,060 Thanked 10,084 Times in 2,186 Posts Rep Power: 21474847	Hug vs. Handshake I am curious to know what everyone's thoughts are on the appropriate way to greet someone upon first meeting him/her. Let's say you've only exchanged a few messages, you seem to dig each other, and you've decided to meet up for dinner in order to get to know one another better. I don't particularly care to hug someone whom I have never met in person before and haven't gotten to know well enough, yet. Not right off the bat, anyway. Hugging is intimate, especially if it is a full frontal hug...ha. A handshake almost seems too business-like for meeting a possible romantic interest, though. Thoughts?

11-16-2015, 04:26 PM	#15
Nattih Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: May 2010 Location: always on a plane Posts: 174 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 285 Thanked 633 Times in 164 Posts Rep Power: 13046649	I always greet with a hug, not sure why, but I just do. I will remember to ask from now on, because I never thought about it being too intimate or forced touching (but thank you for bringing up that point). I date long and short distance, but for the first date I expect the same things no matter what. On the first date I expect an actual, sit down, formal dinner date and drinks. I do not agree to short meet ups like coffee. If you are at all iffy about spending a dinner with me, I would rather us not go out. I try to give off really friendly vibes, in order to cool down any nervousness and to get the person to open up to me. I'm a flirty and silly person in general, so that's my method of operation. "Elongating" the date is always on the table both platonic or otherwise. I have had all good experiences with my methods so far, except the time I was told 10 minutes ahead of time, by text message that she actually had a girlfriend already. Yeah.