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Old 04-28-2010, 10:50 AM   #21
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I've dated an FTM and it didn't work for (at least) one very important reason....he wanted no connection to his previous life or community. So, for me to consider dating an FTM, he'd have to want to remain a part of....or at least acknowledge....the community that I am (and will continue to be) a part of and connected to.
i think because i found life so difficult before transition (at 19) i never truly experienced life as a female in the social sense, i was considered a lesbian by others but never experienced the community, i dated one person before transition but we met online and she met me as me

in some ways i feel that this has put me at a disadvantage, i know very little of women in general and especially the lesbian community which everyone expects me to be able to connect with.

i still live with an ex gf who is trans, won't be going there again, i thought transmen had issues lol, i love her to bits but she's only my friend and the most annoying wench i have ever met.
i fell deeply in love with men after i met her, which i feel badly about but you cant help how you feel, she's pretty much looking for relationships with women anyway.

Should i be worried that i now find myself wanting to connect with women and especially not ignore the fact that i am definately attracting to some of them?
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Old 04-28-2010, 02:55 PM   #22
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i think because i found life so difficult before transition (at 19) i never truly experienced life as a female in the social sense, i was considered a lesbian by others but never experienced the community, i dated one person before transition but we met online and she met me as me

in some ways i feel that this has put me at a disadvantage, i know very little of women in general and especially the lesbian community which everyone expects me to be able to connect with.

i still live with an ex gf who is trans, won't be going there again, i thought transmen had issues lol, i love her to bits but she's only my friend and the most annoying wench i have ever met.
i fell deeply in love with men after i met her, which i feel badly about but you cant help how you feel, she's pretty much looking for relationships with women anyway.

Should i be worried that i now find myself wanting to connect with women and especially not ignore the fact that i am definately attracting to some of them?

For the record, the community I was speaking of is the GLBT3QI community as a whole. I don't identify as a lesbian.

That being said, I can appreciate where you are coming from. I don't think you should be worried, per se, about who you are attracted to. If someone is attracted to you and you not to her or him, let them know as you would liked to be told. There's nothing wrong with being or not being attracted to someone. You can't help that. You can, however, help how you deal with the situation. Be kind. Be honest.
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Old 04-28-2010, 04:27 PM   #23
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i think because i found life so difficult before transition (at 19) i never truly experienced life as a female in the social sense, i was considered a lesbian by others but never experienced the community, i dated one person before transition but we met online and she met me as me

in some ways i feel that this has put me at a disadvantage, i know very little of women in general and especially the lesbian community which everyone expects me to be able to connect with.

i still live with an ex gf who is trans, won't be going there again, i thought transmen had issues lol, i love her to bits but she's only my friend and the most annoying wench i have ever met.
i fell deeply in love with men after i met her, which i feel badly about but you cant help how you feel, she's pretty much looking for relationships with women anyway.

Should i be worried that i now find myself wanting to connect with women and especially not ignore the fact that i am definately attracting to some of them?
Thanks for sharing this Wheelie

I know several trans men once they started to transition they found themselves attracted to other men ..Nothing wrong with that ..I Myself at times have found that also , but I prefer woman You don't have to be attracted to every woman you meet , nor do you have to be attracted to every man ...Perhaps it's just the person themselves
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Old 04-28-2010, 04:29 PM   #24
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It's a very interesting question, one that seems to have as many answers as people answering it. I've take to identifying as bi, not because I like manly men and girly girls, but because I love the sensitive, intellectual breed of masculinity that technically straddles the gender divide. For me, FTMs are the ultimate embodiment of this. There is an intentionality that is a fundamental part of being FTM that is beyond hot
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Old 04-28-2010, 07:23 PM   #25
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the first transman I dated had been bi before his transition and remained bi after his transition.
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Old 04-28-2010, 07:42 PM   #26
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the first transman I dated had been bi before his transition and remained bi after his transition.
That's cool
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Old 05-07-2010, 05:57 PM   #27
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You know, it's funny. For years I've been wondering what was wrong with me, even wondered if I was straight for a while, even though I couldn't find any bio-male that I was attracted to. Then I learned about the trans-guy. I felt like Cinderella when she put had the glass slipper put on her foot. Like I'd been living in a dream world all my life, and I had suddenly awoke to a bright, beautiful morning! The duality is perfect. The masculinity is breathtaking. There is a sense of self that no one could have without that kind of experience. I honor every trans that has the courage to live their life according to their true nature. My dreams now include someday meeting that special one that can appreciate me as much as I appreciate him, and can accept my uniqueness as I revel in his. "Butch" is not what I'm made for. I've come to realize this. Everyone has that special someone out there. I realize now, after all these years, I've finally figured out which direction I need to be taking. Cheers to all of you, and thank God you're out there!!!! And, fear not, there are those of us trying as hard as you to figure out how to meet you!!!
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Old 05-23-2010, 09:31 PM   #28
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the first transman I dated had been bi before his transition and remained bi after his transition.
Interesting..

The first T-girl (her defn) I dated was gay before she transitioned and became bi after becoming a woman...
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Old 05-24-2010, 11:27 AM   #29
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Am I the only person who is bothered by stereotypical generalizations about (oppressed) groups of people? Even if those stereotypical generalizations are *supposed to be* compliments?

Black men have big dicks

Jewish men are good with money

Mexican men are just so romantic and Don Juanish

Transmen are just so sensitive and 'in touch'

When I hear these kinds of stereotypical generalizations about transmen, I just HAVE to wonder how many transmen some folks meet off of this site and in the real world

Which then leads me to wonder how folks knew they were being hit on by a cisguy (in reference to the creepy crawler comment by Softness) and not a transguy.

I also don't understand what someone's sexuality ("this transguy was bi, but then went straight" or "That transguy was straight and then fucked men after T") has to do with the price of rice


I'm Sure I'll Be Filleted For All Of This...But...Eh,
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Old 05-24-2010, 12:05 PM   #30
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Hmmm.. what attracts me to transguys? (Yesss.. I'm a very BI transguy, lol)

Well, first of all, most of them *get* it.. The body image thing, the hormones, all of it.. I don't have to explain about any of that.. Notice, i said "most".. I had a hook up recently, a transguy that has been on hormones for years.. He kept telling me that he was straight and only dated females, but that I was soooo hot and how he'd wanted into my pants for months.. We get to doing the ditty and he keeps telling me how straight he is and wants to play with my "titties" and "pussy".. lol.. Yeah, dude was confused.. On a side note, didn't let that lil guy sleep until i was well and done. LOL

My point with that story? Not all transguys are these wonderfully evolved beings that have every quality that anyone could want because they lived both sides of the fence. It just doesn't happen that way. All people are people, no matter if they are Mr transgender avenger or Ms ignorant polly in buttitch, nc..

I got side tracked, didn't I? Dear dear.. ok, so, what makes me hot for transguys *grins* Hair.. Love body and face hair.. The smell.. Love that *man* smell.. Most transguys that I continue to have relations with know how to treat my cock and my man cunt.. did I mention body hair? Ohhhh yeah!

So, that is my very "gay" in put on this subject

-Tony, who was also sneezed on and farted on by that a for mentioned straight transman.. No shit.. it's true! lmao (worst hook up.. EVER)

PS- the sneezing and farting? TOTALLY non consentual awww..
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Old 05-24-2010, 12:07 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by Dylan View Post
Am I the only person who is bothered by stereotypical generalizations about (oppressed) groups of people? Even if those stereotypical generalizations are *supposed to be* compliments?

Black men have big dicks

Jewish men are good with money

Mexican men are just so romantic and Don Juanish

Transmen are just so sensitive and 'in touch'

When I hear these kinds of stereotypical generalizations about transmen, I just HAVE to wonder how many transmen some folks meet off of this site and in the real world

Which then leads me to wonder how folks knew they were being hit on by a cisguy (in reference to the creepy crawler comment by Softness) and not a transguy.

I also don't understand what someone's sexuality ("this transguy was bi, but then went straight" or "That transguy was straight and then fucked men after T") has to do with the price of rice


I'm Sure I'll Be Filleted For All Of This...But...Eh,
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While I like a good fillet, it won't be comprised of you...promise!

I see the offense in generalizations. But I also see that stereotypes exist for a reason; a specific pattern of behavior has been observed and documented. Stereotypes are there because so many people of one particular sex/color/creed/etc have behaved in a particular way often. This exists for all of us, whether or not we're part of an oppressed group.

That doesn't make it right for folks to access a particular group based strictly on things they've "heard", of course. I just wonder if there is an acceptable middle ground somewhere or if there are going to be many of us who are always up in arms about every generalization for every group. That would be extremely exhausting to me.

Just my .02 on a day when I'm actually pretty calm. Tomorrow may change though....
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Old 05-24-2010, 12:20 PM   #32
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I know this is unpopular opinion, and it's really none of my business who other people date...but it strikes me as icky when someone will date an FTM but not a non-trans man. Like, TO ME, that insinuates that they don't fully acknowledge their lovers sex/gender.
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Old 05-24-2010, 12:23 PM   #33
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I know this is unpopular opinion, and it's really none of my business who other people date...but it strikes me as icky when someone will date an FTM but not a non-trans man. Like, TO ME, that insinuates that they don't fully acknowledge their lovers sex/gender.
YES! THANK YOU!!! I have wondered the same myself.. and please don't take this as bashing people's choices or attractions, but sometimes I feel like transguys are the "safe" guys, because they are *really* men.. *le sigh*

I get what you mean, thanks for putting into words.
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Old 05-24-2010, 12:25 PM   #34
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I know this is unpopular opinion, and it's really none of my business who other people date...but it strikes me as icky when someone will date an FTM but not a non-trans man. Like, TO ME, that insinuates that they don't fully acknowledge their lovers sex/gender.
I can understand this line of thought. For myself, it's not only about who they are now but who they've been their entire lives. For me, there MUST be a connection to the Queer community in some way. If there is none, which is true for most non-trans men, I believe....I can't go there. The tie to the community is one that binds for me.
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Old 05-24-2010, 12:30 PM   #35
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I can understand this line of thought. For myself, it's not only about who they are now but who they've been their entire lives. For me, there MUST be a connection to the Queer community in some way. If there is none, which is true for most non-trans men, I believe....I can't go there. The tie to the community is one that binds for me.
So would you date a non-trans guy if he were bisexual or at least a strong activist/ally? Bisexual men are part of the Queer community, and real vocal activists/allies -do- experience some of the same beatdown/judgement/whatever that those of us who actually are Queer get. (not that oppression should be the glass through which we view/legitimize queerdom.)
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Old 05-24-2010, 12:33 PM   #36
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So would you date a non-trans guy if he were bisexual or at least a strong activist/ally? Bisexual men are part of the Queer community, and real vocal activists/allies -do- experience some of the same beatdown/judgement/whatever that those of us who actually are Queer get. (not that oppression should be the glass through which we view/legitimize queerdom.)
I suppose it's possible. I haven't met anyone that meets that criteria that I was attracted to, though, so I can't say for certain.
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Old 05-24-2010, 12:44 PM   #37
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While I like a good fillet, it won't be comprised of you...promise!

I see the offense in generalizations. But I also see that stereotypes exist for a reason; a specific pattern of behavior has been observed and documented. Stereotypes are there because so many people of one particular sex/color/creed/etc have behaved in a particular way often. This exists for all of us, whether or not we're part of an oppressed group.

That doesn't make it right for folks to access a particular group based strictly on things they've "heard", of course. I just wonder if there is an acceptable middle ground somewhere or if there are going to be many of us who are always up in arms about every generalization for every group. That would be extremely exhausting to me.

Just my .02 on a day when I'm actually pretty calm. Tomorrow may change though....
Well, what's more bothersome to me is really this idea that transmen are just so 'wonderfully in tune' with women

Well, and this whole, "two spirit" idea.

Again, it just reeks of people who have only met transmen from/thru these sites. Many of the transguys I know in real time don't affiliate with the queer community, and I challenge anyone to find them 'more in tune', color them a man-woman, or even KNOW they were trans.

Seriously, how in the hell does One know if they're being hit on by a transguy or a cisguy? I'm trans, and I have no idea half the guys I meet are trans until they say something about it...and that's in TRANS space.

And no, I don't believe generalizations and stereotypes necessarily occur just because a bunch of people 'really do act like that'. I think people see what they want to see and toss out the rest. And honestly, whether a stereotype is true in one instance or two instances, it doesn't then make it 'ok' to say it somewhere (like "Jews really ARE good with money"). I mean, seriously. I just can't imagine another group of people we'd be dissecting like this without someone from that group being up in arms.

"Oh, well, I dated a black guy once, and his dick was sooooooooo big...it's really true...hehehe, sometimes, the stereotypes are really true...p.s. he also liked grape soda...YAYYYYYYYYY Black Men!!!!!"

WTF?

Or, "Transmen date well" Really? WTF is that? Or, "Oh, well, I see transmen as just the perfect mix between male and female?" Really? What the fuck is that? "It's like all the best parts of a man, with all of the sensitivity of a woman". Some men are sensitive, some men are assholes. If you like sensitive men, then like sensitive men...but don't lump all transmen into some (dis)illusional picture you've created, because you know a few who act like that...while you then assume every realtime (creepy) guy who hits on you is cis.

I mean, come on...it's kind of gross


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Old 05-24-2010, 12:54 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by Dylan View Post
Well, what's more bothersome to me is really this idea that transmen are just so 'wonderfully in tune' with women

Well, and this whole, "two spirit" idea.

Again, it just reeks of people who have only met transmen from/thru these sites. Many of the transguys I know in real time don't affiliate with the queer community, and I challenge anyone to find them 'more in tune', color them a man-woman, or even KNOW they were trans.

Seriously, how in the hell does One know if they're being hit on by a transguy or a cisguy? I'm trans, and I have no idea half the guys I meet are trans until they say something about it...and that's in TRANS space.

And no, I don't believe generalizations and stereotypes necessarily occur just because a bunch of people 'really do act like that'. I think people see what they want to see and toss out the rest. And honestly, whether a stereotype is true in one instance or two instances, it doesn't then make it 'ok' to say it somewhere (like "Jews really ARE good with money"). I mean, seriously. I just can't imagine another group of people we'd be dissecting like this without someone from that group being up in arms.

"Oh, well, I dated a black guy once, and his dick was sooooooooo big...it's really true...hehehe, sometimes, the stereotypes are really true...p.s. he also liked grape soda...YAYYYYYYYYY Black Men!!!!!"

WTF?

Or, "Transmen date well" Really? WTF is that? Or, "Oh, well, I see transmen as just the perfect mix between male and female?" Really? What the fuck is that? "It's like all the best parts of a man, with all of the sensitivity of a woman". Some men are sensitive, some men are assholes. If you like sensitive men, then like sensitive men...but don't lump all transmen into some (dis)illusional picture you've created, because you know a few who act like that...while you then assume every realtime (creepy) guy who hits on you is cis.

I mean, come on...it's kind of gross


Dylan...LOVES grape soda
Thanks for reworking your thought. I wasn't seeing it from this angle and I get what you are saying better now.

From my own personal experience, I've only seriously dated a couple of Trans guys. One remained connected to the community and one was repulsed by it. So I may not have some of the perceptions that others have since I've seen guys who do and do not fit the stereotypes that you are addressing.

Food for thought....

Gemme...who also loves grape soda
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Old 05-24-2010, 01:03 PM   #39
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I personally am not the slightest bit surprised that a queer femme would have a preference for someone associated with her queer community (which wouldn't be the same as the gay male community that a bisexual man would tend to be a part of).
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Old 05-24-2010, 01:11 PM   #40
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basically what Diva and Softness said about 2 spirit only it's more like a third sex thing for me. I'm attracted to masculine energy. This can be ftm, trans, butch... doesnt matter to me how they ID, if I feel it I know it and its all about chemistry. To be honest I've dated a few people that were like this, 3rd sex, very masculine but didn't consider themselves anything and I really like this.
I would be attracted to a transguy as long as he didnt emulate a biomale. It would be way too hard for me to explain this but if you're there you know what I mean.

But the bottom line is I don't care. If we connect we connect.
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