I don't think she's out there - Page 2

mariamma · 01-19-2012, 01:04 PM

Hi Lettertodaddy,
I've recently given up as well. It hurts too much to want something that the Universe keeps telling me I can't have. And that's the biggest part of why I've given up. I've been searching for almost 2 years and no one wants a relationship (I'm poor, have 3 kids and I'm missing teeth seem to be the deal-breakers). At least no women that I want want me. Lots of men do. No butch women want me.
The hard part (for me) is admitting this and accepting it. The easy part is moving on. Our culture tells us that we must be forfilled through partnerships and marriages but honestly, marriages tend to add years to men's lives. Do lesbians and male-ID people often or always benefit from being with another? Can we grow and enjoy life with only emotional contacts and no exchange of bodily fluids? I hope I can. Having animals helps. An emotional connection with another at home brings joy to the home. And that's what I really want (well, daily sex too but a quality emotion connection is a beautiful thing and nothing to sneeze at).
I've been a Goddess-loving pagan since 14 and a lesbian since 16. I have 6 sisters (7 really but I never met my black sister) and sisterhood has always been important to me. Loving women comes natural. I think loving women and having affairs can and will sustain me. And I have not given up on casual sex.
I'm 42 and the Universe throws curve-balls all the time. But another big part of what's changed in my heart is ... I can never trust a person who cannot love me with all my flaws. Can't say as I blame them. Loving another person is hard, takes intent and focus and can leave one wrecked if you choose wrong. Flaws are red flags.
I wish you luck in your life. Enjoy the love of the cat on your lap.

snow white · 07-19-2013, 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable.

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.

I can echo these sentiments almost *exactly*. Thank you. Now, at least, I can take comfort from knowing that I'm not alone in being alone...and neither are you : )

Cid · 07-23-2013, 02:28 PM

I've been thinking the same thing for a very long time. I just don't think that the person I'm looking for exists. Even if she does, I don't know that I would recognize her. I guess I've just got to the point where I don't even look anymore.
One thing that really hinders my search is that I had more than one psychic tell me that I won't meet anyone for another 5-7 years. So, that being put in my head makes it hard for me to take any searching seriously. I would love to prove them wrong.
I also figure that by that time....why bother? I'll be near 60 and don't think I would be prepared to share my life anymore....if I'm still alive then.
My sympathies and compassion to all those who share this feeling.
It's a hard road to walk alone.

SaltyButch · 07-25-2013, 06:20 PM

I can commiserate with you all, I myself have felt that more than once. The saying that someone when you least expect it will show up is possible, you have to be open to it though. I closed myself off for a long time while I rearranged my psyche so that I was in a better place and knew who I wanted in my life.

It does get lonely because you have so much you want to share, but you know what you can share it, you can share it by being good to yourself, by going out and enjoying your friends and life. This gets you out there and you know what the opportunity then exists that you may meet someone.

All I can say is don't give up, even if you are late in life you still have alot of life to live, and if you wear a smile on your face you are going to attract another smile.

Don't give up hope, she is out there in a place you haven't even thought of yet.

07-23-2013, 02:28 PM	#3
Cid Member How Do You Identify?: ultra femme princess Preferred Pronoun?: she, lady..whichever Relationship Status: waiting for the right one Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Don't follow me, I'm lost. Posts: 807 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,627 Thanked 2,731 Times in 632 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	I've been thinking the same thing for a very long time. I just don't think that the person I'm looking for exists. Even if she does, I don't know that I would recognize her. I guess I've just got to the point where I don't even look anymore. One thing that really hinders my search is that I had more than one psychic tell me that I won't meet anyone for another 5-7 years. So, that being put in my head makes it hard for me to take any searching seriously. I would love to prove them wrong. I also figure that by that time....why bother? I'll be near 60 and don't think I would be prepared to share my life anymore....if I'm still alive then. My sympathies and compassion to all those who share this feeling. It's a hard road to walk alone. __________________ Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

01-19-2012, 01:04 PM	#1
mariamma Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2011 Location: Oregon Posts: 352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,458 Thanked 1,116 Times in 281 Posts Rep Power: 9628889	Hi Lettertodaddy, I've recently given up as well. It hurts too much to want something that the Universe keeps telling me I can't have. And that's the biggest part of why I've given up. I've been searching for almost 2 years and no one wants a relationship (I'm poor, have 3 kids and I'm missing teeth seem to be the deal-breakers). At least no women that I want want me. Lots of men do. No butch women want me. The hard part (for me) is admitting this and accepting it. The easy part is moving on. Our culture tells us that we must be forfilled through partnerships and marriages but honestly, marriages tend to add years to men's lives. Do lesbians and male-ID people often or always benefit from being with another? Can we grow and enjoy life with only emotional contacts and no exchange of bodily fluids? I hope I can. Having animals helps. An emotional connection with another at home brings joy to the home. And that's what I really want (well, daily sex too but a quality emotion connection is a beautiful thing and nothing to sneeze at). I've been a Goddess-loving pagan since 14 and a lesbian since 16. I have 6 sisters (7 really but I never met my black sister) and sisterhood has always been important to me. Loving women comes natural. I think loving women and having affairs can and will sustain me. And I have not given up on casual sex. I'm 42 and the Universe throws curve-balls all the time. But another big part of what's changed in my heart is ... I can never trust a person who cannot love me with all my flaws. Can't say as I blame them. Loving another person is hard, takes intent and focus and can leave one wrecked if you choose wrong. Flaws are red flags. I wish you luck in your life. Enjoy the love of the cat on your lap.

07-25-2013, 06:20 PM	#4
SaltyButch Member How Do You Identify?: Old School Butch Preferred Pronoun?: he/she/hey you..... Relationship Status: open to the possibilities Tournaments Won: 5 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: mississauga ontario canada Posts: 345 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 432 Thanked 1,635 Times in 301 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I can commiserate with you all, I myself have felt that more than once. The saying that someone when you least expect it will show up is possible, you have to be open to it though. I closed myself off for a long time while I rearranged my psyche so that I was in a better place and knew who I wanted in my life. It does get lonely because you have so much you want to share, but you know what you can share it, you can share it by being good to yourself, by going out and enjoying your friends and life. This gets you out there and you know what the opportunity then exists that you may meet someone. All I can say is don't give up, even if you are late in life you still have alot of life to live, and if you wear a smile on your face you are going to attract another smile. Don't give up hope, she is out there in a place you haven't even thought of yet.