Any sexual lesbians dating asexuals?

catlady · 08-19-2016, 04:05 PM

I just want to hear from your experiences how you work things out dating an asexual or.. if you are asexual how is it dating someone sexual.

My fiancee isn't really consider stone butch. She likes being touched sometimes but doesn't care for it. She focuses her attention on me during sex. So most of the time I feel like a pillow princess... not that I mind. But I know to her, sex isn't important to her and she sometimes doesn't realize that she turns me on accidentally... and then I get sexually rejected when she doesn't want to have sex.

I lose a lot of self-esteem when I get rejected, and it doesn't help that I'm more sexual than her. Sometimes I just wish I was asexual too, so sex wouldn't be important. I know she tries her best to please me when she wants to, so I know at least she still tries. I don't want to force her to have sex with me when she doesn't want to (it's a turn off anyway). It should be her free will to decide.

How did you deal with it? Are you still together in the relationship? I just would like some advice. It's been slowly affecting my relationship. Also I just would like to mention that I'm in a long distance relationship. I see her almost every month now for 2-3 weeks. The last visit I stayed for 2 weeks, and we had sex 4 times. And... I didn't find it sexually enough for me when she felt that that was enough sex? It makes me feel shallow.

Sorry for the long rambling.

TL1 · 08-19-2016, 04:38 PM

I have no experience with this. But I'm posting anyway. Lol.

To me this situation would require a serious sit down discussion. I'm not sure if you have tried this but it's a suggestion. Because in reality you feeling like this and it being an ongoing thing will most likely damage your relationship if it hasn't already.

Just my two cents.

I'm sorry you have to feel this way and I hope things get better for you.

*Anya* · 08-19-2016, 05:02 PM

i think the circumstances would be different if my partner and I had been together for several years and she became injured/disabled or depressed and she either was temporarily or permanently no longer able to be sexual. As long as we shared intimacy, I could deal with it.

If it were a new relationship and we had not developed a level of intimacy and depth; I would not want to continue.

Not all partners have the same libido. It can also vary depending on the circumstances.

I think it doesn't matter how it is for other people.

The question for you is if you can accept her, as she is, for the rest of your lives together.

You are just as entitled to your needs as she is to hers.

Glenn · 08-27-2016, 11:07 AM

What I want to know is If.. she Id's as really Asexual.. then does she know what she's doing by playing with your affections? Turning you on and off like that? I don't think so..

catlady · 08-29-2016, 09:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Glenn

What I want to know is If.. she Id's as really Asexual.. then does she know what she's doing by playing with your affections? Turning you on and off like that? I don't think so..

I've told her before that she has accidentally sometimes turned me on. So she sometimes avoids doing things like making out with me. But most of the time she forgets that I get turned on easily. She is really oblivious about hints... sexual things are just too minor for her, so I guess that's why sexual things don't come to her mind until I bluntly tell her.

nycfem · 08-29-2016, 10:28 AM

Glenn, when you say "playing with your affections" unless I'm reading it wrong it sounds like you're insinuating manipulation. I think it's important to remember that if someone openly says their asexual, that is just who they are, the same as we are not asexual. Now it is up to Catlady to decide if she feels like this is a difference between them that she can live with happily enough or not.

Catlady, I will say that in my experience there's more sex in the beginning of a relationship so it probably makes sense to assume that it will likely decrease over time not increase.

nycfem · 08-19-2016, 04:57 PM

Hi, Catlady,

Does your partner identify as asexual? Asexuality is an identity like being gay. It doesn't necessarily mean your partner is asexual because they are not having much sex with you. I'd be cautious to use the term asexual before you know how your partner identifies. Here is some info on asexuality: http://www.asexuality.org/home/?q=relationship.html

catlady · 08-19-2016, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycfem

Hi, Catlady,

Does your partner identify as asexual? Asexuality is an identity like being gay. It doesn't necessarily mean your partner is asexual because they are not having much sex with you. I'd be cautious to use the term asexual before you know how your partner identifies. Here is some info on asexuality: http://www.asexuality.org/home/?q=relationship.html

Yes, she identifies as asexual. I've been on AVEN before

But I just wanted to post about it in the gay community. Thank you though!

08-19-2016, 04:05 PM	#1
catlady Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Engaged Join Date: Sep 2014 Location: New York Posts: 79 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 85 Thanked 259 Times in 63 Posts Rep Power: 2454743	Any sexual lesbians dating asexuals? I just want to hear from your experiences how you work things out dating an asexual or.. if you are asexual how is it dating someone sexual. My fiancee isn't really consider stone butch. She likes being touched sometimes but doesn't care for it. She focuses her attention on me during sex. So most of the time I feel like a pillow princess... not that I mind. But I know to her, sex isn't important to her and she sometimes doesn't realize that she turns me on accidentally... and then I get sexually rejected when she doesn't want to have sex. I lose a lot of self-esteem when I get rejected, and it doesn't help that I'm more sexual than her. Sometimes I just wish I was asexual too, so sex wouldn't be important. I know she tries her best to please me when she wants to, so I know at least she still tries. I don't want to force her to have sex with me when she doesn't want to (it's a turn off anyway). It should be her free will to decide. How did you deal with it? Are you still together in the relationship? I just would like some advice. It's been slowly affecting my relationship. Also I just would like to mention that I'm in a long distance relationship. I see her almost every month now for 2-3 weeks. The last visit I stayed for 2 weeks, and we had sex 4 times. And... I didn't find it sexually enough for me when she felt that that was enough sex? It makes me feel shallow. Sorry for the long rambling. __________________ My FictionPress: www.fictionpress.com/~thecrazycatlady

08-19-2016, 04:38 PM	#2
TL1 Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch of stone Preferred Pronoun?: The guy kind Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: NC Posts: 2,891 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,107 Thanked 3,460 Times in 1,006 Posts Rep Power: 21474847	I have no experience with this. But I'm posting anyway. Lol. To me this situation would require a serious sit down discussion. I'm not sure if you have tried this but it's a suggestion. Because in reality you feeling like this and it being an ongoing thing will most likely damage your relationship if it hasn't already. Just my two cents. I'm sorry you have to feel this way and I hope things get better for you. __________________ "Our bodies were printed as blank pages to be filled with the ink of our hearts”

08-19-2016, 05:02 PM	#3
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,791 Times in 7,290 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	i think the circumstances would be different if my partner and I had been together for several years and she became injured/disabled or depressed and she either was temporarily or permanently no longer able to be sexual. As long as we shared intimacy, I could deal with it. If it were a new relationship and we had not developed a level of intimacy and depth; I would not want to continue. Not all partners have the same libido. It can also vary depending on the circumstances. I think it doesn't matter how it is for other people. The question for you is if you can accept her, as she is, for the rest of your lives together. You are just as entitled to your needs as she is to hers. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

08-29-2016, 10:28 AM	#6
nycfem Moderator How Do You Identify?: femme sub Preferred Pronoun?: Baby Grrl Relationship Status: Attached Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NYC Posts: 6,768 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 52,825 Thanked 21,719 Times in 5,083 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Glenn, when you say "playing with your affections" unless I'm reading it wrong it sounds like you're insinuating manipulation. I think it's important to remember that if someone openly says their asexual, that is just who they are, the same as we are not asexual. Now it is up to Catlady to decide if she feels like this is a difference between them that she can live with happily enough or not. Catlady, I will say that in my experience there's more sex in the beginning of a relationship so it probably makes sense to assume that it will likely decrease over time not increase. __________________ *** How do I... ?** Check out the Members Helping Members thread: http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...embers+Helping

08-19-2016, 04:57 PM	#7
nycfem Moderator How Do You Identify?: femme sub Preferred Pronoun?: Baby Grrl Relationship Status: Attached Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NYC Posts: 6,768 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 52,825 Thanked 21,719 Times in 5,083 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Hi, Catlady, Does your partner identify as asexual? Asexuality is an identity like being gay. It doesn't necessarily mean your partner is asexual because they are not having much sex with you. I'd be cautious to use the term asexual before you know how your partner identifies. Here is some info on asexuality: http://www.asexuality.org/home/?q=relationship.html __________________ *** How do I... ?** Check out the Members Helping Members thread: http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...embers+Helping

08-27-2016, 11:07 AM	#4
Glenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Northwest Wind and Lake Michigan Preferred Pronoun?: Paesano Relationship Status: Solo Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore Posts: 1,546 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,597 Thanked 3,732 Times in 1,096 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	What I want to know is If.. she Id's as really Asexual.. then does she know what she's doing by playing with your affections? Turning you on and off like that? I don't think so..