Grieving

[Andrew, Jr.]

My sister, JoAnn, died this past year. It has taken my breath away. I know that others who have experienced death of a loved one also know this feeling. It is a feeling that will never heal.

I thought it would be a good idea to share our thoughts and feelings. It is a safe place.

Namaste,
Andrew

[Andrew, Jr.]

I just tossed and turned. I couldn't sleep. My mind was just focused on JoAnn for some reason. I was just thinking about her, and trying to remember how she sounded, her laugh, her smile, and the look of love in her eyes as she watched over her 2 boys.

[Jett]

I lost my mom last year and I still get that get that instant response to call her when I something comes up... it's hard and it takes a lot of time I think... but I'm getting to a point where good memories don't make me feel so sad if that makes sense...

Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry for your loss Andrew, and let you know you're not alone.

Metro

[Andrew, Jr.]

Metro,

Thanks.

Death is so very strange imho. My younger brother killed himself when I was just 15 yo. Now, that feels like eons ago. And my sister, that feels like yesterday. These losses just never heal. I know it is a new reality after someone dies because life goes on. But like you said, you reach for the phone to call and then the reality of their death just hits you once again.

But I go on. One foot in front of the other, thanking God for what I have, and not for what I want or need. It gives me peace of mind.

[Random]

We lost one of our babies today...

Mr. Diago Luigo, faithful patroller of the neighborhood, grand killer of anything that didn't move fast enough.. (If he didn't kill it, then he tried to have his way with it.. (Causing a rift between himself and his brother that was never mended.))had a massive heart attack today on the way to the vets...He was diagnosed with heart issues four months ago.. It was a terminal prognosis... The vet was suprised that he had lived four and a half years.. Apparently the life expectancy is around two years...

The last couple days he had been breathing hard.. He was still eating, still doing his... I want to go outside!!!!!!! dance.. but even when he was laying still, you could see how hard it was for him to breath..

I knew he was winding down.. You could see it in him... He has spent a lot of time the last week out on the patio in one of my captain chairs.. All day long sleeping in the sun... Thank you universe for this beautiful harvest fall.. It was perfect for him... He would start to go do his *patrol* and then just sit down and feel the air and the sun... Last night, we were sitting out on the patio and he was sitting on the grass smelling the air... Just being perfectly still with his nose up... Then he did a lil half jump and a lil pounce on some leaves and he cantered into the house...

Last night he came and got into bed with Michele.. It's not something that he has ever done.. He was the kind of cat that wanted to be at the foot of the bed, or under it... But last night, he got into bed with her and cuddled up for the longest time.. I didn't know it at the time, but she whispered to him that it was ok for him to go if he wanted to.. She told him that she loved him and he was a good boy...

This morning she told him that she loved him and said goodbye..

Both Michele and the vet wanted him to get into the clinic asap, so I left work early and took him in... The 10 min car ride was too much for him... He had a massive infarction about three min from the clinic.. They grabbed him and took him into the back, but he didn't respond and slipped away... I keep thinking.. I should have went and got Michele's car.. it smelled like her.. I should have cleaned out the cat carrier so it didn't smell like my cats...

But truth be told.. I know that it is better that it was over so fast.. His lungs were filling up.. That's why he couldn't breath... A quick death over a lingering one...

The vet was amazed at his condition.. The fact that he had lived so long with his heart walls as thick as they were.. That he was still active and eating..

Mr. Diego Luigo.. you were a pain in my ass.. Bossy, Demanding, leaving disembowel rabbits for your mother to clean up... Trying to prove that you didn't need no stinking balls to prove your cat hood.. (I saw you looking at my bag!!!) you had fishhooks because you wouldn't let anyone touch your killing claws... Your lil monkey tux face... you did look like a lil monkey.. You didn't know the meaning of the word.. NO.. Come here!@!!.. get down... Leave her alone!!! You would cross a busy street staring down cars as you sauntered across at your leisure... Giving your mother a heart attack... Neither rain, nor sleet, nor busy streets would keep you from your self appointed patrol...

You had the sweetest purr, and the way that you DEMANDED to be held and petted... You were the wild child that I couldn't help but love.. You had that same feeling of freedom about you that your mother carries..

You went out on your own terms... You didn't want to be in that carrier.. you didn't want to go to the vet.. you picked the time...

Big boy.. you will be missed so very much... But the way that I think about it.. You have your balls back, and an unlimited supply of rabbits to hunt...

Our sadness is a fair trade off...

[Andrew, Jr.]

Ms Cyn,

I am so very sorry for your loss. It is such a heartbreak. I hope it is helpful to think about Rainbow Bridge. A place where our furkids go to play in the sunshine, with plenty of food, water, treats, and without any pain.

Animals are just as much a part of our family as any human is. They entertain us, and add enjoyment to our lives. For me, being disabled, animals are my companions.

I wish you and your family peace in your hearts.

Namaste,
Andrew

[little man]

my mom passed on the 2nd. i've been staying with her, caring for her for the last two years. i feel kinda shellshocked. there's been enough stuff to keep me busy, with funeral arrangements, planning the wake, tying up the loose ends of a life completed.

in some ways, i feel kind of numb around it all. i don't cry much now. quite a bit the first day or so. all us kids were with her when she passed. i don't mind if i never watch another person die. it was fucking hard.

i keep wondering when the big emotional dump will come. anyone?

[Daryn]

I have dealt with death of friends, family, and loved ones more han a couple of times. It's just different each time.

I think losing my grandmother was the hardest because of my family of origin I was closest to her and for the last few years of her life I was responsible for her. I wanted her suffering to be over ... but there is still an emptiness in my life knowing I can never talk to her again.... on the other hand I do try to think back on all the small kindnesses and acts of thoughtfulness and love she showed me over the years..... and while there is sadness there is also joy.

[Thinker]

Originally Posted by little man

my mom passed on the 2nd. i've been staying with her, caring for her for the last two years. i feel kinda shellshocked. there's been enough stuff to keep me busy, with funeral arrangements, planning the wake, tying up the loose ends of a life completed.

in some ways, i feel kind of numb around it all. i don't cry much now. quite a bit the first day or so. all us kids were with her when she passed. i don't mind if i never watch another person die. it was fucking hard.

i keep wondering when the big emotional dump will come. anyone?

Hey again, little man...

I don't recall how long it was after my mother has passed........maybe a couple of months??? Not sure. But I can remember as if it just happened today...

I was driving. I had just gotten off the freeway and was rounding a curve on the access road. Out of the blue, my eyes welled up with tears and my chest felt as if it would explode. I had to pull over, and I just lost it.

That wasn't the last time it happened either.

When it hit me, it hit me hard.

I wish you peace.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Miss J,

I am so sorry for your loss of your father. I will be praying for you and your family.

Little Man,

I'm sorry for your loss of your mother. I am not sure of the big cry. For me it is personal, and when it happens it happens. I just go with how I feel. It can happen any time of the day or night. It will just hit you. And it hits hard.

I will be praying for you.


When my sister died, it was more of a build up to her death because I was there with her thru her treatments. I was there for her surgeries, and her treatments. And when she made her final arrangements, I was there. It was so very sad, but a part of life. It is just so...final. I had the gift of time to prepare myself for her death. It's different compared to when my younger brother suicided.

I have a niece getting married, and she was very close to my sister. She wants to put her picture on the alter during the ceremony. I can understand this. However, the bride's mother has a problem with it. She wants this wedding to be just that. A beautiful ceremony. No reminders of the pain of loss. I am not sure of what to say or do. And I want nothing but the best for them. Life is hard enough than to have an argument over a picture on the alter.

Thank you for starting this thread...

I lost a friend at 36 2 months ago. She was an important part of my life and I miss her so badly.

I have lost several important people in my life and sometimes I wonder why but I know that it is through the painful experiences that the joyful moments are made more meaningful.

I also know that the experience I gain in this painful place can make me stronger and wiser so that I can help someone else.

Today may all those that are hurting, know that they are not alone.

Wishing you a day filled with peace and love.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I have a prayer I say...God please give ____ eternal rest. Let them feel Your perpetual light shine upon them like the stars in the night's sky. May they rest in peace. Amen.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I hope everyone is doing well this Easter & Passover Holiday.

Namaste,
Andrew

[Tommi]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I hope everyone is doing well this Easter & Passover Holiday.

Namaste,
Andrew

A season of reflection, and rebirth, a time to give thanks for all I have and all that is to come..

The dormant trees are giving birth to new branches and fresh tiny buds and leaves unfold before my eyes. Like me, a time to grow, and to replenish my soul and give thanks to being cancer free for almost 6 years.

"Don't screen to-days sunshine with yesterdays clouds"
Scottish line

[Jedi]

I always thought I had this awesome handle on grief and death. Having grown up with a terminally ill parent and having her die when I was 11 gave me a unique perspective, I had always thought. That is...until my ex killed my dog. There's a part of me that won't forgive myself for ever trusting her (my ex). As all the woulda, coulda, shouldas toss themselves around in my head...I'm left in a limbo I never expected. For the longest time I got drunk to numb the pain. As that isn't the healthiest way to deal with loss...it did what it needed to until I was ready to look at it like I am now. As my life has moved on and I have had several months to numb over and ponder and remember and recover...I still am not ok with it. Xena was my best friend. I had moved all over the place with her and fought for her life in a city that banned her for looking like a pitbull. I had been through several gfs with her and still can't believe that she didn't survive this last one. For the longest time, it was Xena who kept me going when I would lose my hope. I still can't believe she's gone and so callously. I still cry when I think about it...as I am right now while writing this post. Xena, I miss you friend. I have no way to avenge your death...so please forgive me. I didn't mean for any harm to come to you. I know I promised to protect you and always be there and I just happened to go to work that day and well...I came home and you were gone. Life hasn't been the same without you. I moved into a house where I could have had you. All I can do is think about you being gone and shake my head. It wasn't fair. You died a senseless death and I can't help but feel responsible. Maybe one day I can forgive myself but it isn't today.

[JAGG]

I lost my big brother in May. It was unexpected. He was diabetic but it had nothing to do with his death. He had an infection in his stomach they couldn't stop it from spreading.
His birthday was last week. He would have been 52. That was a hard day. But my heart really aches for my sister in law . My brother was her world ,her heart and soul, she truly loved him. She understood him, she knew how to get through to him. He was her rock. He died on there anniversary. Very sad. She is broken and lost . She struggles very hard everyday to press on without him. I wish I could make her pain disappear. She is my definition of a devoted and loving wife. She is so kind and so caring. But she has her mom and sister and neices and her sister's husband plus all my siblings to help her. We are all very close.
I know there was no other woman for my brother but her. I know in his life he felt truly loved because of her. I find comfort in that.
He was the best big brother. He taught me how to bat, and how to throw a baseball real fast. He taught me how to slide and how to steal a base. He taught me all the rules of football, and some good wrestling moves so I could make someone tap out. He was a boxer, and he used to let me spar with him at the Y when I was in high school. I loved going to the Y with him. We both love the Phillies and the Yankees and the Steelers.
He always bought the best christmas presents, and the best birthday gifts.
I miss talking about sports with him. He was the most intelligent of all my siblings, he could answer all the questions on jeapory, and don't ever play trivial pursuit with him.
I know he's with me sometimes I can feel him . Sure do miss him.

[MsTinkerbelly]

We have debated long and hard over what to do this holiday season....my Mom absolutely LOVED the Christmas Holiday. I really believe in my heart that she wants us to celebrate Christmas.

The same as always...no we are struggling to find something that feels comfortable.

Take care of yourselves.

[MsTinkerbelly]

What a week!

My daughter had to go to CVS to pick up a couple of things, and as it was raining I took her over to the store. While I was there I thought I would pick up my Christmas cards to my Honey and my daughter; that was where Amy found me, standing in front of the greeting cards sobbing my heart out because I will never buy my Mom another card. Ever.

It is the unexpected things like that where I am reminded once again of how much I lost when she left us.

[Mr. Moon]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

What a week!

My daughter had to go to CVS to pick up a couple of things, and as it was raining I took her over to the store. While I was there I thought I would pick up my Christmas cards to my Honey and my daughter; that was where Amy found me, standing in front of the greeting cards sobbing my heart out because I will never buy my Mom another card. Ever.

It is the unexpected things like that where I am reminded once again of how much I lost when she left us.

I understand this totally! I had a similar melt down about shopping because I wasn't shopping for my brother.


((((((((((You))))))))))))

My head knows this will get better....it just doesn't feel that way right now, does it?

Have a good holiday when you can!
-Mr. Moon

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by Mr. Moon

I understand this totally! I had a similar melt down about shopping because I wasn't shopping for my brother.


((((((((((You))))))))))))

My head knows this will get better....it just doesn't feel that way right now, does it?

Have a good holiday when you can!
-Mr. Moon

Thank you very much, you are very thoughtful for thinking of me during this most incredibly hard time for you and your family.

Many blessings to you and yours, with hope for a peaceful and healing New Year.