Grieving

[~ocean]

(((((((((( island U and urs )))))))))))

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by ~ocean

(((((((((( island U and urs )))))))))))

Thank you ocean, you are a sweet woman.

[morningstar55]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

Sad tonight for my girlfriend's father, who is dying tonight, and maybe tomorrow, and maybe for a few days more.

He was so kind to me, the two years I lived with her, and he wrote a sweet letter to me, thanking me for the tea I sent for him and his wife, for Christmas.

I will always feel grateful for his kindness and how much he loved his daughters. What a loving man, it shone through his shyness and introspective ways.

((((((Island)))))))) so sorry to read this , hang in there.

[VintageFemme]

Sadly, a topic I am all too familiar with. Until I was 46, I had not dealt with death or any real grieving process whatsoever. I thought I had been blessed beyond belief to have lived that long and to never have lost anyone or anything that belonged to my heart. I have been in love twice in my life. Both of those people passed away within nine months of each other in 2006/07. One was tragically killed in a motorcycle accident and the other died from stage four melanoma. I had no idea just how deep those wounds went. I had no idea how to even begin to grieve. I pushed it all as deeply within myself as I possibly could and thought I wouldn't look back on it and I wouldn't remember and I would just move forward. I learned in a very hard way that you simply cannot do that. You have to grieve and you have to let it wash over you. You have to accept the pain and embrace it for what it is if you are to ever move past it. Once I did that [over two years later] then I began to understand what it meant to me to love both of them and moreso, what it meant to me to lose both of them. It took me a few years to deal with it and it was probably the darkest days of my life once I finally opened the bleeding wounds. There was a period of about three months when I actually was mute. I couldn't speak and I wouldn't respond. It was pretty overwhelming but y'know what? I lived through it, I accepted it, and now I can breathe again in a quiet, calm and peaceful place. I can remember both of them with joy and love and not the all consuming sadness and anger that was once all I felt after they were gone. I think this grieving process is different for everyone. I think we all have internal modes of self preservation and survival and what is strong enough for one may indeed not be nearly enough for another. I know some people who never quite heal the wounds and are never the same again after losing a piece of their heart and then there are some who are able to move past it seemingly much quicker. We are all such emotional and fragile beings. I believe though that you absolutely have to take the time to grieve and accept the finality of a death, you have to find where and how you live with it and where it lives within you, and once you are able to find that acceptance & quiet the sadness you can then begin to move into a brighter place, and find that then there is room for joy and love once again.

[Loren_Q]

February's a hard month for me.

Both my parents passed away in February, different years, same month. Odd coincidence, my mother's funeral was the same date as my dad's passing.

February is also a month of 'would-be' anniversaries. Would be meaning those relationships are no longer.

I still miss my moms, she was an amazing woman, tiny but powerful. You would swear she was 6ft tall. She was wise, kind, funny and took no shit from anyone. Oh, and protective... I think she carried bricks in her purse cause one swipe and BAM, you're down.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

Well I have indeed survived, but I cannot say the grief has become less; different, but not less. I still have such anger at my Mother for smoking and causing her health issues, with a seeming disregard of the people left to grieve. But yet, i have started to really think of her as a "person" and not just my Mom, and I have begun the process of forgiveness finally.

I miss her every day, but I try to think of the good memories now instead of the last years where the hospital and worry became my best friends. I know that in time I will carry her in my heart as a part of who I have become because of her, and every day when I think of her it will be only with love.

I forgot to mention (and I was asked), that May 22nd will be 3 years since my mom passed and still this processing continues. Makes you wonder if it ever ends?

[not2shygrrl]

Hey Ma !!

Just wanted to say that spring is soon to be here. All the lil buds and touches of greenery here, there and everywhere will start happening. The trees which were always your friends will soon show their buds in preparation of opening up and 'leaf-ing' all the branches of these trees..... ahhh so beautiful!! The re-growth that you so loved and helped you come out of that fall and winter funk! All the new life happening, sights, sounds and smells. The dirt you longed to dig into with your fingers, always new flowers or shrubs and an occasional fruit tree. Where your earthy body lays is surrounded by a forest of trees, so appropriate. 4 years Ma, and then some. Still is as painful, still is as heartbreaking, still missing you every day.

Spring also brings new growth for me Ma. Additions to my life, love and happiness. All newness even at my age. All welcomed. What a feeling of growth, I am thankful for the love I am given and so much more in this life. My spring newness starts in a place I have never been, she is there....and I want to be no where else but by her side, her in my arms. Her beauty parallels all that comes with spring, her heart is the most beautiful flower I have ever seen, always in bloom.

Ma, I know you are here, I can see you in all that surrounds me. I love you Ma......

number6of10

[Queenie]

After my father died 13 years ago someone told me that the pain gets softer. It will always be there, but it just gets softer. It had to be one the best things that anyone has ever told me about death.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Today was my Mom's Birthday; she would have been 73 years old.

Happy Birthday Momma, I miss you as much today as I did the day you died.

Yes Queenie, it does indeed become softer.....

[Kenna]

I was at the greenhouses today, collecting a few veggies and talking about "yellow spot " on tomatoes ...asked if they had any of that "special spray "but I couldn't recall the name ... said I'd have to call Momma D because she'd know ... then it suddenly hit me like a crushing blow that I couldn't call her... ever again. Damn...no words describe the pain I felt at that moment.

[Glenn]

My Dear, Sweet, Kind, and Good, Mama; It's dark, and raining kidneys and bladders here on the lake this morning, just like on the morning you died 13 years ago today, from kidney failure and bladder cancer. But that's all past now. I deliberately went out walking around in it, to show my respect for all the storms we weathered together, and wondering where, and how you are. I am still missing you. I am still helping the poor animals like you taught me to, along with so many other good things you taught me. Yeah, I still like being alone alot, yet, I am still missing you so very much, and I always will.

[not2shygrrl]

missing you.

I got a frame for your pic, you know the one taken with you holding your bounty of blueberries from the bushes in the yard, your bushes.....your yard. That was the last summer for you, and here we are almost 5 years later.......berry harvesting is in its glory and all of your "spots" in the forest have been tagged. Always leaving some for the animals who live in the surroundings, per your request! As I look at your picture, your smile, that goofy hat to keep the sun off of your neck, seeing that sweet face Ma.......feels like I could run into you tomorrow as if you were never gone.......and then I think back.....almost 5 years since I hugged you, kissed your face and said how much I love you.....yea, you are gone and I remember all over again. But your blueberries and currant bushes stay and produce an abundance to provide goodies for loved ones. And I remember you now....always.


love,
number6of10

[firegal]

Today I talked to my lil sis,s widow and admitted I've had a hard few days.

On my drive back from Oregon I stopped and bought sunflower seeds and my lil sis was so so present....as she used to eat them to stay awake on her drive home from working a 12 hour graveyard shift.

the hole in my heart is there.....I,m so gratefull she was in my life.

I just want to call her.....love you sis.

[ksrainbow]

9/26/11: Its been two years that the pain and suffering left your warm and earthly soul and finally met a kinder and gentler home.

You are loved and missed by many family, friends and all those footprints of nature to whom were touched in so many ways.

Love you Mom,
Nancy

[ksrainbow]

10/04/13: This date my Dad left his earthly home to be with my Mom. He was buried 10/11/13 to join my Mom for her 81st birthday! I know it was one hell of a party!

Thank you for bringing me life and all the joys of being your daughter!

Love to both of you!

[not2shygrrl]

Just days away from 5 years gone now. Somehow I am reliving that stage of anger, maybe it is selfish, but I need my Mom to hug me, I need the smell of my Mom to soothe me, I need to see her face and the unconditional love she showered on me through all my life choices, I need her to call me saying she needs me to help her, I need to see her smile and hear her laugh. I would not think after 5 years this anger would come back, but it has......and I miss my Ma terribly right now, to hear her say that she loves me......all of it selfish, but still my needs.......I am so pissed off she has not been here......I want her to walk from around the corner and say I am back. I know....I know........she has been gone and not coming back......but for now, for some reason I am reliving it and my heart is breaking all over again as if it was yesterday. I so miss you Mother....I love you.

number6of10

[not2shygrrl]

Still does not feel as if you have been gone 6 and 1/2 years now. Still waiting someday to see you walk from around the corner. Still waiting to hear you call for assistance and smell the deliciousness you always created in the kitchen! Still know that you really are gone, and in Heaven. Still wanna deny this. Still my heart is broken. Still miss your presence here terribly. Still thankful for you birthing me into our family and onto this earth! Still hurts like you died yesterday.........Still love you Ma, with all my heart.

number6of10

[JazzyLou0102]

Hi all,

I'm new to BFP and thought Id introduce myself - on the grieving thread! It's a long story, but I'll try to give the condensed version for now and likely will spill my guts completely later on. Here we go:

Six weeks ago tonight I came home and found my partner dead. She had committed suicide. We had been together for 10 months and had been living together for four months. She was a widow. She lost her predeceased partner about two years before we started seeing each other. She could not overcome the loss of her partner and she probably just wanted to be free of that pain. Now they are together and for that I am glad.

As for me, I decided to accept that I was not the "love of her life", and I also knew that the relationship dynamic was changing from a "lover" relationship to more of a "care-taker" relationship as she became more and more depressed. She refused treatment and continued to self medicate. I didn't realize this was going on until about a month after I moved in. At that point I knew if she didn't get help, things would not end well for her. She persisted down that path until she just couldn't take it any more.

I miss her - but I know she is free of pain.

Thanks for letting me share,

Jazzy

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by JazzyLou0102

Hi all,

I'm new to BFP and thought Id introduce myself - on the grieving thread! It's a long story, but I'll try to give the condensed version for now and likely will spill my guts completely later on. Here we go:

Six weeks ago tonight I came home and found my partner dead. She had committed suicide. We had been together for 10 months and had been living together for four months. She was a widow. She lost her predeceased partner about two years before we started seeing each other. She could not overcome the loss of her partner and she probably just wanted to be free of that pain. Now they are together and for that I am glad.

As for me, I decided to accept that I was not the "love of her life", and I also knew that the relationship dynamic was changing from a "lover" relationship to
more of a "care-taker" relationship as she became more and more depressed. She refused treatment and continued to self medicate. I didn't realize this was going on until about a month after I moved in. At that point I knew if she didn't get help, things would not end well for her. She persisted down that path until she just couldn't take it any more.

I miss her - but I know she is free of pain.

Thanks for letting me share,

Jazzy

I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for sharing...it helps to reach out and express yourself.

Welcome to BFP

[Vamp_Kitty]

My 4 year old nephew loved to play in the water but the water took him away. He was the most cheerful little kid i could know. His life was not the best but he made the best of anything and everything. His mother wasnt really a mother, she refused to see jr and the older brother. The father did all he could to take care of both of the boys. I love and miss him dearly.