Femme Invisibility?

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by 1QuirkyKiwi

This explains why I get a lot of interest from other Femmes. No offence is intended towards Butch’s when I say this; the ‘signals’ that I send out and maybe many of you Femmes who are seen as straight are far too subtle for them to pick up!

I'm not subtle at. all. when I like someone. Trust me, it's worthwhile being forward.

It's ironic as I'm not confident at all, I'm social awkward, hate confrontation, struggle to hold peoples gaze unless I'm actively conversing with them and get really anxious around people I like. I'm also an extrovert, so when I like someone, whether it be a friendship or romantically, I can't help myself. I want to get in their face, I want to talk to them, I want them to notice me and want them to remember my name. People like attention so it's always worked.

I always worked on the principle that once someone knows who you are, then anything is possible.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Originally Posted by Quintease

I'm not subtle at. all. when I like someone. Trust me, it's worthwhile being forward.

It's ironic as I'm not confident at all, I'm social awkward, hate confrontation, struggle to hold peoples gaze unless I'm actively conversing with them and get really anxious around people I like. I'm also an extrovert, so when I like someone, whether it be a friendship or romantically, I can't help myself. I want to get in their face, I want to talk to them, I want them to notice me and want them to remember my name. People like attention so it's always worked.

I always worked on the principle that once someone knows who you are, then anything is possible.

I’m a complete contradiction; I’m comfortable within myself and fairly confident, and certainly not backwards in being forwards, as well as being extroverted and annoying cheerful, bubbly and happy (apparently, lol!). When I’m with people I know; whether at work or in my private life, my presence is felt, but, not in an in forceful your face kind of way.

But….. I hate confrontation and don’t like social settings with lots of people, preferring small gatherings. I’m not awkward socially, I just don’t like being around too many people at one time. I’m not easily intimidated by people and I’m not nervous or anxious by nature unless there’s a need to be (if that makes sense?)
When I’m chatting to someone I’ve just met, I’m still bubbly and talkative, only I lower my head slightly and look up at them, then look away to the side whilst smiling with my mouth closed.

Half of my problem is my thick accent; I’ve had to learn to ‘tone’ it down when I speak to people who aren’t used to my accent (basically sound more English English) over the years for people to understand what I’m saying and that does take a fair amount of effort to do to hold a conversation.

[macele]

it seems like a lot of butches won't make eye contact with even other butches. shy, fear, taken, not interested, ... the reason for not doing so, gotta be one of those lol. i noticed this in my teens. if i see someone that gives off a vibe/something visible (butch or femme), i try to make eye contact, smile.

if we use the mind set that most heterosexuals use, which is all femme women are straight, reverse that, ... all femme women are lesbians, ... can't hurt. be bold, go for it. if i see someone that interests me, this way, i'll find out soon enough if she's a lesbian lol.

the butch has to help. this thread right here is letting the butch know that a lot of femmes feel invisible. so step up!

standing out in the general public. that makes me go, whew! i don't know. i like the necklace idea, gemme and others mentioned. and the code word princessbelle mentioned. there has to be one, ... to make known world-wide lol. seriously. let me think about this lol.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I'd like to wear something that shows clearly that I'm gay, but, I'm careful how I present my sexual orientation as I have been attacked in the past for wearing a rainbow broach. I travel to a part of London regularly for work that has a large Muslim community that has demonstrated a lot of violence towards gay people and threatened our community with being burned alive.

So, unless I use a 4x4 upside a Butch's head (hopefully not causing any head injuries, lol!), I'm at a loss for solutions...

[Morgan]

I have tried to be aware of the femmes around me, out and about...In the grocery store, at the gym, restaurants, etc., but it is really tough to know. I do not want to look like I am staring at a straight woman, who just happens to glance over and smile at me. A smile does not equal femme woman, it may just mean she is a happy and friendly straight woman.

I apologize to any femme woman, who I did not notice....I would love to had talked to you, get to know you, go out on a date with, that would have been really nice. However, I did not see you standing next to me....I did not see the 2x4 sticking out of your oversized handbag, the femme tattoo on your forehead or the rainbow femme chain around your neck. Damn, where are all the femme women in my community? I do not see them....Please stand up and be counted, I would love to meet you.

[JustJo]

I'm one of those that looks like a soccer mom...but I've found one thing that straight women generally do not do when making eye contact with a cute butch...and that's a wink to go with that smile.

[Martina]

i find butches in general pretty guarded in public space. i can see why that happens, but i don't take too many chances. A friend of mine always lets them know that they have been seen and admired. i sometimes wish i were more like that, but i don't take the risk.