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05-24-2013, 09:09 PM
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#221 |
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Timed Out - Identity Issues
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Preferred Pronoun?:
Handsome Relationship Status:
To the moon and back. 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: U.S. Montana and Maine
Posts: 17
Thanks: 24
Thanked 81 Times in 15 Posts
Rep Power: 0   |
I learned to always be respectful............karma.
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06-17-2013, 11:47 AM
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#222 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Ftm - Male- exfemale Preferred Pronoun?:
He’s Him Relationship Status:
Has a gf 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Philadelphia pa
Posts: 889
Thanks: 251
Thanked 759 Times in 219 Posts
Rep Power: 4529748 |
Ok these are my lessons for me; I have screwed up a hell of a lot, and hurt a few folks on the way to learning this shit, and been hurt by a few.
these are some of the lessons i have learned. Lessons learned over the past 12 years... 1. do not date unless you are really ready to do so. 2. Dont think its love just cause it feels good. 3. dont think you are ready to commit, if you havent had some kind of closure on prior stuff. 4. Even if you think u are sooooo over....take another 6 months before u believe it. 5. Not everyone is honest, tho most all of us try to be. 6. A persons perception of themselves is usually quite different than your perception of them..and visa versa. 7. If you are not ready dont do it. 8. It is better to say, I am not ready yet, then to end up in something and end up hurting other people as well as yourself. 9. All people have baggage, it just depends on whether you carry it around all the time or set it in a safe place and come visit it from time to time. 10. If you cant figure out a way to be involved with your children and keep the "EX" involvement to an absolute minimum, then dont be an ass, dont get involved with anyone else till you have that issue resolved. 11. sometimes its not love its pride or fear, or anger that makes a person do anything they can to keep you, even tho u both know its over. 12. sometimes you just gotta say WTF...pull up your big boi/grl pants and get over it!
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Dean Thoreau
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11-10-2013, 10:59 AM
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#223 |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
je ne sais quoi Preferred Pronoun?:
baby grrl Relationship Status:
a few laughs 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: in the real
Posts: 8,802
Thanks: 21,381
Thanked 21,371 Times in 6,721 Posts
Rep Power: 21474859 |
Observe if he/she has the basics (ie pays bills on time, thoughtful involvement with parent/s, tips appropriately, dependable, mentally sound) it's amazing what we dismiss/excuse/miss...
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"All cruelty springs from weakness" Seneca |
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11-10-2013, 11:13 AM
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#224 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
a bold-assed maximus Preferred Pronoun?:
she Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: mississippi
Posts: 1,066
Thanks: 3,178
Thanked 3,239 Times in 849 Posts
Rep Power: 21474849 |
to say what you mean and mean what you say.
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11-10-2013, 11:13 AM
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#225 |
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Magically Delicious
How Do You Identify?:
Gentle Butch Relationship Status:
Single and content 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 6,558
Thanks: 22,052
Thanked 15,407 Times in 4,139 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857 |
Stop holding on to that past relationship in your heart or you'll never be able to fully move on to a future relationship and hurt everyone that tries to touch your emotional heart.
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 Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage --- Lao Tzo
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11-20-2013, 11:18 AM
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#226 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Northwest Wind and Lake Michigan Preferred Pronoun?:
Paesano Relationship Status:
Solo Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Indiana Dunes National Lakeshore
Posts: 1,546
Thanks: 3,597
Thanked 3,732 Times in 1,096 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
If your friend and an ex, who is also still your friend, become "involved", but they argue alot, don't get Yourself involved too much. You may wind up getting your a** kicked by them both!
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11-20-2013, 11:25 AM
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#227 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
All Man (FTM if I must have a label) Preferred Pronoun?:
Male ones Relationship Status:
She's my Southern Comfort 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 412
Thanks: 569
Thanked 1,241 Times in 326 Posts
Rep Power: 18460389 |
I take something from every relationship. It's all about learning. No regrets. My last relationship (marriage) taught me to be more sensitive to Her needs. To not take advantage of love. All relationships require maintenance on a daily basis. And I'm all good with that. Now..
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Words are what we hear; they allow the heart to believe what it wants to believe. But actions, actions show us the real truth of what we need to believe. |
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11-20-2013, 12:21 PM
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#228 | |
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Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?:
She, as in 'She's a GEM' 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The roads are narrow here
Posts: 36,585
Thanks: 182,168
Thanked 108,771 Times in 25,657 Posts
Rep Power: 21474887 |
Quote:
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11-20-2013, 12:29 PM
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#229 |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?:
wild woman Relationship Status:
No, thank you. 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: in my heart I'm going to Carolina...but I'm in MA for now
Posts: 7,558
Thanks: 14,861
Thanked 27,369 Times in 6,858 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858 |
Never lose your autonomy....
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11-20-2013, 01:01 PM
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#230 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
TG Butch Preferred Pronoun?:
He, him, da bomb... Relationship Status:
Single 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Up and to the right
Posts: 610
Thanks: 869
Thanked 2,340 Times in 534 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
I've learned to take it slow and get to know each other. Enjoy the good stuff! Build a strong friendship, nurture it and let it grow into a relationship of love and trust. Don't rush it ..... Life will test it soon enough
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~ Jar ~ No matter what life brings you, always learn a lesson from your dog ... kick some grass over that shit and move on |
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11-20-2013, 02:13 PM
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#231 |
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Mentally Delicious
How Do You Identify?:
Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?:
Mme. Relationship Status:
Married to JD. 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 10,446
Thanks: 5,995
Thanked 42,870 Times in 7,835 Posts
Rep Power: 21474861  |
Two of the most important things I ever learned from past relationships:
1. My feelings actually matter. 2. My feelings are not the only feelings that matter.
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11-27-2013, 06:42 PM
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#232 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
. Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: .
Posts: 1,372
Thanks: 7,337
Thanked 4,555 Times in 1,199 Posts
Rep Power: 21474850 |
My past relationships were necessary for me to have the wonderful one I have with Damon, today.
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11-29-2013, 10:22 PM
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#233 |
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Junior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch/male Preferred Pronoun?:
he him his Relationship Status:
Married to wintergreengem 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lincoln NE
Posts: 89
Thanks: 120
Thanked 209 Times in 61 Posts
Rep Power: 3045444 |
I learned
You have to stick with it...good times and bad. It isn't all about sex either. You have to give to get, being there to help one another. To truly and honestly love each other. I have been humbled by the 2 women that have shown me the way.
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11-29-2013, 10:40 PM
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#234 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
GNC, not Trans, REAL. TIME. ONLY. Preferred Pronoun?:
REAL. TIME. ONLY. Relationship Status:
REAL. TIME. ONLY. 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: In a good life.
Posts: 3,194
Thanks: 11,149
Thanked 6,639 Times in 2,288 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
Vida
...that love never dies...and that it energizes my new life, and for this
I am grateful. Greco
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"If you are losing faith in human nature go out and watch a marathon." Kathrine Switzer "Me gusta andar, pero no sigo el camino pues lo seguro no tiene misterio." Facundo Cabral
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06-29-2014, 05:44 PM
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#235 | |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Trans* Preferred Pronoun?:
He/Him Relationship Status:
Married 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Where the wild things are
Posts: 190
Thanks: 123
Thanked 537 Times in 152 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
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07-14-2014, 06:02 PM
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#236 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Isla Nublar
Posts: 385
Thanks: 2,296
Thanked 2,413 Times in 362 Posts
Rep Power: 21474846 |
One important thing I've learned from my last relationship (or rather, the dissolution thereof) is that you don't have to be friends with an ex.
Really, you don't. It may seem obvious to some (or, well, most), but this was a hard thing for me to accept and come to terms with. I'd always been pretty successful in being able to be friends (or at least friend-ly) with all other exes except for one from a long time ago, so I always thought of myself as one of "those people" who is able to fall into an easy, if gradual, friendship post-relationship. It seemed natural (and inevitable) to me. Then after my most recent relationship and after many failed attempts at sustaining a friendship with them, I accepted the fact that it doesn't reflect badly on me as a person to not be able to sustain a relationship with someone I cared about after the romantic relationship has ended. It's okay and it's not a failure. You don't have to be friends with an ex at a personal cost to yourself. It's not a moral test to see just how mature and kind and loving and whatthefuck-ever you can be to them. It's not... and you don't "owe" anyone anything. I somehow thought it was a sign of being a Very Mature Person doing Very Mature Things to be the "bigger person" and keep a past love(r) in my life, even when it wasn't good for me. Even when it hurt. Even when I didn't particularly like them much anymore as it ended because of the things which had transpired during (and facilitated the end of) the relationship. I felt it was normal and justified it to myself with grandiose ideas of "karma" and "the better good" and I thought it was the enlightened thing to do (barring abuse) if you still cared about each other. And then I (slowly) realized that all that was bullshit. Each relationship stands on its own and is not (or does not have to be) part of some grand narrative of your life. And if you poured yourself unsuccessfully into trying to be a good partner to them, you do not then have to continue this and pour yourself into trying to be a good friend to them, especially when it does not come naturally. Sometimes the kinder, gentler, hell, even friendlier thing is to let go completely. Forgiveness, if warranted (and sometimes it's not), is something you do for yourself and does not necessarily have to have an obvious, observable effect in the other person's life who is the object of your forgiveness. A relationship with them is not a sign or signal of how far you've come or that you've truly forgiven them and/or moved on (though I recognize it can be for some situations) and it is not something needed or even necessarily wanted by either or both parties, particularly if everyone's being honest. Give up the ghost. So, in time I've learned to be kinder to myself and have kinder expectations for my own abilities and what I'm able to do/handle emotionally. It's about allowing yourself to be human and fallible and have negative emotions and experiences and not giving in to an internal nagging of what things "should" look like vs what they actually are. I think it's a good thing and a necessary thing and a positive thing (for me) to have learned. And to her, for that... I'm truly grateful. 
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07-14-2014, 06:26 PM
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#237 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch, Preferred Pronoun?:
People call me by my nic name. Relationship Status:
Not Single, Not Desperate.
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,833
Thanks: 4,645
Thanked 4,035 Times in 1,720 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
Two of the most important things I ever learned from past relationships:
1. My feelings actually matter. 2. My feelings are not the only feelings that matter 3. Trust my gut instincts
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Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. It is said, " Some lives are linked across time..... Connected by an ancient calling that echoes through the ages "...... |
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07-14-2014, 06:34 PM
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#238 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
. Preferred Pronoun?:
. Relationship Status:
.
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: .
Posts: 117
Thanks: 167
Thanked 486 Times in 93 Posts
Rep Power: 6064351 |
Most recently, I have learned that:
1. Mutual attraction/sexual chemistry is a necessary but far from sufficient component of a good relationship. 2. It doesn't matter if you are the dumper or the dumpee; both positions suck and hurt in their own way. |
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08-17-2014, 10:09 PM
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#239 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Trans* Preferred Pronoun?:
He/Him Relationship Status:
Married
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Where the wild things are
Posts: 190
Thanks: 123
Thanked 537 Times in 152 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Trust your gut instincts.
Actions speak louder than words. Set clear boundaries - if those aren't respected, leave. Don't rush into an being engaged. |
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09-04-2014, 11:07 AM
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#240 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
I don’t want contact. 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: .
Posts: 256
Thanks: 162
Thanked 948 Times in 231 Posts
Rep Power: 6277471 |
I've learned I'm allowed to disagree. In most of my past relationships, disagreeing with someone meant I had to change my mind or be quiet. Now that I can speak freely, many times I've been able to explain my point and he ends up agreeing with me over things.
I've also learned people who don't seem concerned, aren't. We dismiss these things when meeting someone because of butterflies. Looking back, I overlooked a lot with people in the past. |
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I'm misunderestimated. 
Linear Mode
