Domestic Violence/Partner Abuse

dixie · 04-12-2011, 09:17 PM

Ya know, it may sound like a downer when I post about the possible difficulties that a victim of abuse may face when trying to get help. I want them to be aware of the possibilities, but more importantly I want them to know that there ARE people out there who CAN and WILL help. I'm sure that if anyone on this site is having issues with abuse and don't know how or where to get help, I or a number of wonderful bfp folks would be more than willing to help, even if it's just by lending an ear or passing along a phone number/website.

Help a Friend or Family Member in Crisis
•Reach out to them. Ask them what type of help they WANT. What they need might not be what you expect.

•Believe them and keep whatever you're told confidential. More important than anything else, you must maintain their TRUST. If you take actions on your own, even with the best intentions, you may endanger them, and lose their trust.

•Don't blame them. The abused person is NOT responsible for being hurt and does not deserve to be abused. Wanting to keep a relationship alive is NOT the same as wanting to be abused.

•Take the time to talk privately with your friend or co-worker. Each person needs to tell their story in their own time and space.

•Provide opportunities for them to talk about what's happening. Ask about suspicious bruises or fights that you know about.

•Validate feelings. Your friend may feel hurt, angry, afraid, ashamed and trapped. Don't minimize or try to "talk them out of" what they are feeling, even if you don't understand it or think it's irrational. What they are feeling and experiencing is reality for THEM.

•Understand that it is difficult to leave a home or someone you love, and that your loved one may go back several times. Remember too that leaving is the most dangerous time as the overwhelming majority of domestic violence murders occur when a victim is trying to leave and within the first 6 months after they've actually done so. Your friend has the most information about the abuser, and THEY are the best judge of when and how to best make a break in the safest way. Remember that your friend's solutions may not be the same as yours.

•Help them plan how to stay safe when violence happens, and for longer term possible courses of action they might take.

•Avoid badmouthing the abuser or pressuring the victim. This can backfire! Victims may pull away and alienate themselves from those who are trying to help. Instead, help the victim to build confidence in themselves and what actions THEY may be able to take for themselves.

04-12-2011, 09:17 PM	#21
dixie Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: I usually just poke it with a stick. Preferred Pronoun?: Bitch Relationship Status: Intertwined deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: We're all a little mad here. Posts: 6,627 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,972 Thanked 21,385 Times in 4,808 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Ya know, it may sound like a downer when I post about the possible difficulties that a victim of abuse may face when trying to get help. I want them to be aware of the possibilities, but more importantly I want them to know that there ARE people out there who CAN and WILL help. I'm sure that if anyone on this site is having issues with abuse and don't know how or where to get help, I or a number of wonderful bfp folks would be more than willing to help, even if it's just by lending an ear or passing along a phone number/website. Help a Friend or Family Member in Crisis •Reach out to them. Ask them what type of help they WANT. What they need might not be what you expect. •Believe them and keep whatever you're told confidential. More important than anything else, you must maintain their TRUST. If you take actions on your own, even with the best intentions, you may endanger them, and lose their trust. •Don't blame them. The abused person is NOT responsible for being hurt and does not deserve to be abused. Wanting to keep a relationship alive is NOT the same as wanting to be abused. •Take the time to talk privately with your friend or co-worker. Each person needs to tell their story in their own time and space. •Provide opportunities for them to talk about what's happening. Ask about suspicious bruises or fights that you know about. •Validate feelings. Your friend may feel hurt, angry, afraid, ashamed and trapped. Don't minimize or try to "talk them out of" what they are feeling, even if you don't understand it or think it's irrational. What they are feeling and experiencing is reality for THEM. •Understand that it is difficult to leave a home or someone you love, and that your loved one may go back several times. Remember too that leaving is the most dangerous time as the overwhelming majority of domestic violence murders occur when a victim is trying to leave and within the first 6 months after they've actually done so. Your friend has the most information about the abuser, and THEY are the best judge of when and how to best make a break in the safest way. Remember that your friend's solutions may not be the same as yours. •Help them plan how to stay safe when violence happens, and for longer term possible courses of action they might take. •Avoid badmouthing the abuser or pressuring the victim. This can backfire! Victims may pull away and alienate themselves from those who are trying to help. Instead, help the victim to build confidence in themselves and what actions THEY may be able to take for themselves.