Forgiveness - Page 5

*Anya* · 08-10-2012, 10:55 PM

I am working on it and hope to get there.

Soft*Silver · 08-10-2012, 11:59 PM

there is a difference between holding onto a resentment and not forgiving someone.

I wont hold onto resentments anymore because frankly, I dont want to drink. I drank over resentments and none of them were worth the price I paid. All my fault. I knew better.

But forgiving them for what they did to me? No. Not going to happen. Small matters, yes, no problem. I can forgive almost anyone for anything, because frankly, its all small shit in the course of a lifetime. But every once in awhile, there is a Big Thing. I can analyze it, understand why they did it, pray for them, but I still will not forgive them IF forgiveness is not warranted.

sometimes forgiveness is NOT warranted.

I grew up in an era where we were told to continually praise kids, award them ribbons for showing up, give them parades for ordinary conduct to boost self esteem. We ended up with a generation of self indulgent narcissistic lil monsters.

Same with forgiveness. You know, sometimes people do shit that is just NOT right. Earlier I read in another thread about teens who bowled over an octogenarian war hero...punks. Oh boy. I need to forgive them for being assholes. Really? And this makes them a better person because they have my forgiveness. Maybe I can understand why they did it. So friggin what? I can have compassion for them over why, but honey, I am not about to forgive someone who does that to an old man.

and while I agree with Princess Belle about forgiveness being a gift I give myself, I hold firm to the gift I give those I dont forgive..and thats natural consequences. Hurt me until my soul spiritually bleeds and I will never forgive you. I wont carry a resentment around forever, but I wont forgive you. Live with what you did to me forever. If you earned it, you deserve it. What you did is about YOU, not me and i wont get eaten up by it, by not forgiving you. Your asshat behavior is yours. Its not my toxins. Its YOURS>

Again, most of the time, 99% of the time, I forgive people. But some blacksouled people will bear eternally their natural consequence to who they are and what they did to me.

Nomad · 08-19-2012, 07:29 PM

forgiving others isnt difficult. forgiving myself isnt easy. i've lived down to plenty of sub standard standards in my un-better self days. i find that i'm likely to need forgiveness more than any amount of forgiving i've done or could do. fortunately for me everyone grows up eventually, if for no other reason than to engage in living the rest of life without causing so much pain.

Jean_TX · 03-13-2013, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martina

If I can imagine doing something myself, then I can forgive. If I can't imagine ever doing such a thing, if it is out of my ken, then it takes me much longer to forgive, and sometimes I never do. I let it go and forget about it. But if something comes along to remind me, I'll frown remembering.

Even if the motivation is something I can relate to, for example anxiety or fear, if I know that I would never have acted out in that way, then I struggle with forgiveness.

I too struggle with forgiveness if I never would have acted in the way the offender did ...I just cannot summon up the required empathy.

wahya · 03-28-2013, 07:36 PM

You can never heal completely until you can forgive completely

JAGG · 03-28-2013, 08:36 PM

Forgiveness doesn't stop the pain.
Forgiveness doesn't erase a memory.
Forgiveness doesn't fade a scar.
Forgiveness doesn't heal a wound.
Forgiveness doesn't unbreak a heart.
Forgiveness doesn't repair what was destroyed.
Forgiveness doesn't answer any nagging questions.
Forgiveness doesn't ease the grieving or loss.
Forgiveness can't return what was taken.
Forgiveness simply removes anger from the equation.

JustBeingMe · 03-28-2013, 10:51 PM

I want to contribute to this thread but will have to come back to it another time. I have enjoyed reading it and think it's a great thread. I hope more post here. til next time batman, same time same place same channel!

~ocean · 03-29-2013, 12:35 AM

forgiveness ~ follows acceptance ~ when u can accept the inevitable ~ then forgive

~

wahya · 03-29-2013, 01:16 PM

I have had to learn to forgive because nothing can change or will when you keep asking questions over and over. You cannot change the past. What's done is done. It took me a looong time to quit asking myself why? Why? Why? I was wasting my mind space day after day. Over someone that didnt give a damn about me anymore. I cared about myself too much to let ANYBODY take anything from me like that again. I got a life to live.

~ocean · 04-25-2013, 09:39 PM

like the Title of the room" FORGIVNESS " try it

~

girl_dee · 11-12-2017, 07:27 AM

In general, how would you forgive someone who is not remorseful? This is where forgiveness is granted or not granted for me.

~ocean · 11-12-2017, 07:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee

In general, how would you forgive someone who is not remorseful? This is where forgiveness is granted or not granted for me.

forgiveness always was a personal ending to a sensitive subject with someone :either special or just a social situation.

homoe · 11-12-2017, 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee

In general, how would you forgive someone who is not remorseful? This is where forgiveness is granted or not granted for me.

I am a Cancer we can forgive BUT we NEVER forget................

~ocean · 11-12-2017, 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by homoe

I am a Cancer we can forgive BUT we NEVER forget................

yada yada so u took your ginko.....lol

girl_dee · 11-12-2017, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~ocean

forgiveness always was a personal ending to a sensitive subject with someone :either special or just a social situation.

i am not sure it would be an ending though.

BullDog · 11-12-2017, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BullDog

If someone genuinely asks for my forgiveness then there is a very high chance I will forgive. Things may not be the same between us- for example if someone cheated on me- but I can acknowledge their genuineness and sincerity. People do make mistakes all the time. I know I do. When this happens I do my best to apologize and learn from my mistakes.

In the case of someone treating me in an abusive, very hurtful, manipulative or some other unhealthy manner, those people don't tend to be asking for forgiveness so I am not sure why I would need to expend energy trying to forgive them. For some it is a way of healing and moving forward. For me if I feel I have been wronged or am in an unhealthy situation, I need to figure out how to move forward and not let toxic people influence my life as much as possible. Forgiving someone doesn't really have much to do with it. I can't control how unhealthy people are going to treat me. I need to figure out how to heal and feel good about myself again. I need to learn from my mistakes and use better judgement of who I will let into my life.

Yes, exactly. I posted this over 6 years ago and is how I feel today as well. Forgiveness is very much a beautiful thing, but if someone is not sorry for what they did or not genuinely seeking it, then for me there is no point. Better for me to just get on with my life and become as neutral about the situation as possible.

cathexis · 11-12-2017, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BullDog

Yes, exactly. I posted this over 6 years ago and is how I feel today as well. Forgiveness is very much a beautiful thing, but if someone is not sorry for what they did or not genuinely seeking it, then for me there is no point. Better for me to just get on with my life and become as neutral about the situation as possible.

What I try to do is limit what is considered a transgression against me. For example, I don't count getting "strange" (a chance, one time, sexual encounter) as a transgression.
A person must lie, truly cheat, or steal someone or something from me.

candy_coated_bitch · 11-12-2017, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee

In general, how would you forgive someone who is not remorseful? This is where forgiveness is granted or not granted for me.

There are people who have been in my life, abusers for example, that I feel no need to forgive. Ever. I know it's healing for some but I don't see a point in making a huge deal expending energy forgiving them

As far as lesser transgressions I think for me whether or not a person is remorseful also counts with me. If a person has no remorse I am most likely just going to move on with my life and not look back. If it's something really small I may not move on from that person but hearing an I'm sorry is always nice.

Chad · 11-12-2017, 03:23 PM

For me forgiveness is directly connected to the offense. If it is a great offense directed to me specifically then I would rather not have that person in my life so there would be no forgiveness.

If someone that I love and respect makes a mistake and I am indirectly affected then I would most likely forgive them.

Remorse does matter but some actions are unforgivable.

Kätzchen · 11-12-2017, 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JAGG

Forgiveness doesn't stop the pain.
Forgiveness doesn't erase a memory.
Forgiveness doesn't fade a scar.
Forgiveness doesn't heal a wound.
Forgiveness doesn't unbreak a heart.
Forgiveness doesn't repair what was destroyed.
Forgiveness doesn't answer any nagging questions.
Forgiveness doesn't ease the grieving or loss.
Forgiveness can't return what was taken.
Forgiveness simply removes anger from the equation.

I agree with JAGG.....

Forgiveness doesn't do anything for me, at all.

Forgiveness is an concept, which to me, requires some form of pennance, or some form of repentance and corrective measures applied. In my mind, forgiveness serves no one.

Forgiveness or to forgive someone has never served any purpose in my life.

I actually learned in therapy that it's okay to not believe in forgiveness..... that it's okay to let go and move forward with my life.

08-10-2012, 10:55 PM	#81
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,791 Times in 7,290 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Forgiveness I am working on it and hope to get there. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

08-10-2012, 11:59 PM	#82
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,502 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,428 Thanked 15,619 Times in 3,976 Posts Rep Power*: 21474856	there is a difference between holding onto a resentment and not forgiving someone. I wont hold onto resentments anymore because frankly, I dont want to drink. I drank over resentments and none of them were worth the price I paid. All my fault. I knew better. But forgiving them for what they did to me? No. Not going to happen. Small matters, yes, no problem. I can forgive almost anyone for anything, because frankly, its all small shit in the course of a lifetime. But every once in awhile, there is a Big Thing. I can analyze it, understand why they did it, pray for them, but I still will not forgive them IF forgiveness is not warranted. sometimes forgiveness is NOT warranted. I grew up in an era where we were told to continually praise kids, award them ribbons for showing up, give them parades for ordinary conduct to boost self esteem. We ended up with a generation of self indulgent narcissistic lil monsters. Same with forgiveness. You know, sometimes people do shit that is just NOT right. Earlier I read in another thread about teens who bowled over an octogenarian war hero...punks. Oh boy. I need to forgive them for being assholes. Really? And this makes them a better person because they have my forgiveness. Maybe I can understand why they did it. So friggin what? I can have compassion for them over why, but honey, I am not about to forgive someone who does that to an old man. and while I agree with Princess Belle about forgiveness being a gift I give myself, I hold firm to the gift I give those I dont forgive..and thats natural consequences. Hurt me until my soul spiritually bleeds and I will never forgive you. I wont carry a resentment around forever, but I wont forgive you. Live with what you did to me forever. If you earned it, you deserve it. What you did is about YOU, not me and i wont get eaten up by it, by not forgiving you. Your asshat behavior is yours. Its not my toxins. Its YOURS> Again, most of the time, 99% of the time, I forgive people. But some blacksouled people will bear eternally their natural consequence to who they are and what they did to me. __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

03-28-2013, 08:36 PM	#86
JAGG Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: JAGG Relationship Status: =) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Tulsa (cat free zone) Posts: 6,093 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,651 Thanked 17,545 Times in 4,142 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Forgiveness doesn't stop the pain. Forgiveness doesn't erase a memory. Forgiveness doesn't fade a scar. Forgiveness doesn't heal a wound. Forgiveness doesn't unbreak a heart. Forgiveness doesn't repair what was destroyed. Forgiveness doesn't answer any nagging questions. Forgiveness doesn't ease the grieving or loss. Forgiveness can't return what was taken. Forgiveness simply removes anger from the equation. __________________ I don't want to spend my life with someone I can live with, I want to spend my life with someone I can't live without.

03-28-2013, 10:51 PM	#87
JustBeingMe Senior Member How Do You Identify?: as ME Relationship Status: I don't need no stinking status. Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: somewhere you're not..... Posts: 1,808 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,961 Thanked 1,691 Times in 694 Posts Rep Power: 12813868	I want to contribute to this thread but will have to come back to it another time. I have enjoyed reading it and think it's a great thread. I hope more post here. til next time batman, same time same place same channel! __________________ Nothing more, Nothing less, I'm Just Being Me

03-29-2013, 12:35 AM	#88
~ocean Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme blows a kiss off my finger tips * Preferred Pronoun?: ~ hey girl ~ Relationship Status: ~ single & content ~ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Massachusetts ~coastal Posts: 7,905 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22,958 Thanked 16,125 Times in 4,736 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	forgiveness ~ follows acceptance ~ when u can accept the inevitable ~ then forgive ~ __________________ ~ Always, ocean

08-19-2012, 07:29 PM	#83
Nomad Timed Out How Do You Identify?: stone femme Daddy's girl Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: disinterested Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: in my head Posts: 991 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,848 Thanked 3,745 Times in 734 Posts Rep Power: 0	forgiving others isnt difficult. forgiving myself isnt easy. i've lived down to plenty of sub standard standards in my un-better self days. i find that i'm likely to need forgiveness more than any amount of forgiving i've done or could do. fortunately for me everyone grows up eventually, if for no other reason than to engage in living the rest of life without causing so much pain.

03-28-2013, 07:36 PM	#85
wahya Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: Me Relationship Status: im good Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 296 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 506 Thanked 857 Times in 240 Posts Rep Power: 0	You can never heal completely until you can forgive completely

03-29-2013, 01:16 PM	#89
wahya Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: Me Relationship Status: im good Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 296 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 506 Thanked 857 Times in 240 Posts Rep Power: 0	I have had to learn to forgive because nothing can change or will when you keep asking questions over and over. You cannot change the past. What's done is done. It took me a looong time to quit asking myself why? Why? Why? I was wasting my mind space day after day. Over someone that didnt give a damn about me anymore. I cared about myself too much to let ANYBODY take anything from me like that again. I got a life to live.

04-25-2013, 09:39 PM	#90
~ocean Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme blows a kiss off my finger tips * Preferred Pronoun?: ~ hey girl ~ Relationship Status: ~ single & content ~ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Massachusetts ~coastal Posts: 7,905 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22,958 Thanked 16,125 Times in 4,736 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	like the Title of the room" FORGIVNESS " try it ~ __________________ ~ Always, ocean

11-12-2017, 07:27 AM	#91
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,956 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Question! In general, how would you forgive someone who is not remorseful? This is where forgiveness is granted or not granted for me.

11-12-2017, 03:23 PM	#99
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,325 Times in 5,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Forgiveness For me forgiveness is directly connected to the offense. If it is a great offense directed to me specifically then I would rather not have that person in my life so there would be no forgiveness. If someone that I love and respect makes a mistake and I am indirectly affected then I would most likely forgive them. Remorse does matter but some actions are unforgivable.