Age... an issue?

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

When is it an issue, and when is it not?

For me, I've experienced it being an issue, in the sense that when a girl is too young, it's best she stick to people around her age bracket because the maturity level is just not where it needs to be.

For example, I recently became a bit entangled with a friend who's 19... and I realised, you know, I'm 24 - it's just not going to work..

Thoughts? Experiences?

[wolfbittenpoet]

It's not the age it's the maturity level at least for me. I'm a young guy. Even more when I first came into myself and this site. But mostly I've been told I am overly mature for my age. No one I have ever loved is ever my age or even close. Right now I count myself lucky if there is only a ten year difference.
But then again I'm the younger one.

[Oiler41]

To me, from the perspective of being nearly 50 years old, age doesn't seem to matter so much when you are young; however, there are issues that can be a simple as very different taste in music that seem small initially, but can show the age gap. One of you wants to go to a rap concert, the other wants to go see a classic rock band.

But more importantly, it matters as you get older. I was once with someone ten years my junior; she was certainly less mature, had younger life experiences and had yet to discover things I already knew; it is true that some things only come with age. In a situation like this, when I am 65 and ready to retire, she would have still had ten years to work to get to retirement; by then, I would be 75 and would have missed ten years worth of opportunities to do things and go places in my prime retirement years, unless I wanted to go and do things alone. Not exactly the best plan for those golden years.

I married someone my age; best thing I ever did! We have similar life experiences since we grew up in the same time frame. Although we grew up in different circumstances, there are still many similarities that only exist because we grew up during the same time frame. When I was in my 20's, my 30's and even into my early 40's I kept saying it didn't matter, but I knew in the back of my mind the age gap was going to be an issue, but the closer I was getting to 50, the more clear it was becoming.

I vote yes, it is an issue and will be more of an issue in later years. Just my 2 cents.

Glynn

[Bella~Vita]

[QUOTE=Oiler41;302029]To me, from the perspective of being nearly 50 years old, age doesn't seem to matter so much when you are young; however, there are issues that can be a simple as very different taste in music that seem small initially, but can show the age gap. One of you wants to go to a rap concert, the other wants to go see a classic rock band.

But more importantly, it matters as you get older. I was once with someone ten years my junior; she was certainly less mature, had younger life experiences and had yet to discover things I already knew; it is true that some things only come with age. In a situation like this, when I am 65 and ready to retire, she would have still had ten years to work to get to retirement; by then, I would be 75 and would have missed ten years worth of opportunities to do things and go places in my prime retirement years, unless I wanted to go and do things alone. Not exactly the best plan for those golden years.

I married someone my age; best thing I ever did! We have similar life experiences since we grew up in the same time frame. Although we grew up in different circumstances, there are still many similarities that only exist because we grew up during the same time frame. When I was in my 20's, my 30's and even into my early 40's I kept saying it didn't matter, but I knew in the back of my mind the age gap was going to be an issue, but the closer I was getting to 50, the more clear it was becoming.

I vote yes, it is an issue and will be more of an issue in later years. Just my 2 cents.

Glynn[/QUOTE

Spot on

[The_Lady_Snow]

I have a rule. Don't date anyone close to the kids age or below.

That's just for *me'*

[Pixie]

For me its about character and how a person holds themselves. I have yet to be with anyone my age because they don't see or handle life in the manner I do. I know that I am younger and I have life to live, but I also know that I am beyond my physical years and wish to be with someone that compliments that.

I believe its truly beyond numbers, because I have met some who are higher in age and younger in all other aspects.

Just my .02

[cara]

Originally Posted by Pixie

For me its about character and how a person holds themselves. I have yet to be with anyone my age because they don't see or handle life in the manner I do. I know that I am younger and I have life to live, but I also know that I am beyond my physical years and wish to be with someone that compliments that.

I believe its truly beyond numbers, because I have met some who are higher in age and younger in all other aspects.

Just my .02

Exactly, Pixie! The majority of people I have dated have been 7+ years older than me. Sadly, I have often felt like I had my shit together more than they did. Of course, this could say something about the people I have previously chosen to date...

[Lynn]

I'm with Oiler on this question. My most important relationships have been with people close to my age. I'm four years younger than my partner. I was dating someone who was ten years older, and there were a lot of missed connections between us. But, that was when I was 22 and he was 32--at entirely different stages of life. We might have done alright together through our 40's and 50's, but, as Oiler said, there would have been other challenges to deal with in retirement. This is entirely personal, however. I don't think it's "wrong" to choose a relationship with someone much older or younger. I just wouldn't seek this out, myself.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by cara

Exactly, Pixie! The majority of people I have dated have been 7+ years older than me. Sadly, I have often felt like I had my shit together more than they did. Of course, this could say something about the people I have previously chosen to date...

This is true!!! I know 60 year olds who act like my 10 year old!! I have that rule for me cause my oldest is gonna be' 25 and that would be akward for them and well their comfort is more important for me than a good time. It's even hard with Nico & Cassi being in their age range, they are all literally growing up together!

[cara]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

This is true!!! I know 60 year olds who act like my 10 year old!! I have that rule for me cause my oldest is gonna be' 25 and that would be akward for them and well their comfort is more important for me than a good time. It's even hard with Nico & Cassi being in their age range, they are all literally growing up together!

This makes sense. One of my first girlfriends was 38 and I was 22. I was closer in age to her 14- and 16-year old children. It was awkward for all of us.

[dixie]

Age means nothing to me. Maturity level is definitely not age specific. The most immature, childish person I ever dated was almost 24 years older than me. On the reverse, I've dated someone in their early 20s who was very level-headed and mature.

I tend to usually date older. Specifically because older is more physically attractive to me than someone my own age or younger. Not quite sure why that is, but if a 40/50 something hottie is standing beside a 20/30 something hottie, the 20/30 something hottie won't even get a glance...lol

In all honesty it does come down to the person that they are and how we click. Doesn't really matter if they are younger or older. It's all about the personality, not the age.

[Pixie]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

This is true!!! I know 60 year olds who act like my 10 year old!! I have that rule for me cause my oldest is gonna be' 25 and that would be akward for them and well their comfort is more important for me than a good time. It's even hard with Nico & Cassi being in their age range, they are all literally growing up together!

I can understand that for sure!

[proximitywithoutintimacy]

Hey, thanks for all the replies!

Quite honestly, for me, I've found that people who have more life experience are the ones who are mature beyond their age. I'm 24 years old, and I feel a lot older spiritually, if that makes any sense - one of my closest friends is 26, her friends are 29, and I'm becoming slowly immersed into their circle. Don't get me wrong, I love my best friend to death (she's also 24) but I feel as though I'm outgrowing her. I think age, or rather, maturity levels play a part in both friendships and relationships.

[adorable]

Age matters for me. I don't date anyone my age. They must be significantly older or younger.

It doesn't work for me any other way.

[Rockinonahigh]

Age should be just a number,but as I get older it becomes more of an issue,maturity or lack there of dosent come with age..beleve me its so true.I have dated ppl close to my age thrue a bit older,I wonder if any of them very reached any reasonable maturity at all.Thats not to say ppl my age arent mature cause many are.Also I get the second child hood haveing a great old time now that folks reach an age thats kids are grown,now retired ect.I shure dont act my age but also I really dont have a 454 engine anymore,more like a 2cylendar squrril cage motor energy leval.What I have found has been pouty,spoiled,grumpy folks..Dateing starts out fine then they morph into something I would rather not be around and im not for long.

[AtLast]

For me personally, it is. I'm not comfortable with involvement with anyone younger than my kid (he is 42). On the older than me side of things, I can't see me being involved with anyone more than 5-7 years older. But, this depends a lot on how active they are. I'll be 60 next week, am in good shape but do have some limitations and I wouldn't do well with a couch potato. I know 70 year olds that can put 30 year olds to shame.

I don't have "moral" issues with large age differences per se. I know couples with many years between them that seem to do fine. I just don't want to be with someone a lot younger or older than myself.

[Corkey]

I have issues with age every day.....

Seriously, I never dated out of my generation, too much stuff that is lost in translation. I know 60 year olds who are immature, it has nothing to do with maturity, tho sometimes it does.

[Glenn]

ahhh-the memories.
I wish I were 24 again.
You will be fine, Girl.

Originally Posted by proximitywithoutintimacy

.

For example, I recently became a bit entangled with a friend who's 19... and I realised, you know, I'm 24 - it's just not going to work..

Thoughts? Experiences?

[Guy]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I have a rule. Don't date anyone close to the kids age or below.

That's just for *me'*

I agree. I don't have kids, so no rules.

If we click we click at whatever age, just go with it. It's all about the person, not their age.

[Gráinne]

I too think that it's not so much the age gap as the gap in maturity and experience between partners. The older might take a "parental" role or resent the younger partner who is not at their stage of life yet. I have known couples with 10-20 years age gaps, and it works because they are very compatitble in maturity.

There are challenges in even good relationships, such as the retirement issue.

I suppose if both partners are just looking for something non-serious, a large gap wouldn't matter. It becomes more of an issue when you are talking a committment.