PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Apocalipstic]

Thank you all for your support! My hives are a bit better after going back to the doc on Friday and Saturday. I hate it that my body reacts like this to stress.

I am trying to focus on getting better before takling moving and all that, am staying with friends.

[Apocalipstic]

Better still today.

Still some hives and that nagging "why do I let myself get so upset?"

Thank you for your suport, it means more to me than I know how to say.

[Sparkle]

As someone who experiences PTSD symptoms from a single traumatic event, I've found it difficult to find information that relates to my experience or providers that can offer me meaningful insight.

I think the article is really wonderful and I wanted to share it.

It focuses not just on the PTSD experience but talks a lot about "post-traumatic growth". It also talks specifically about women's health and PTSD experience.

/snip
"What can these women teach the rest of us? As researchers learn more about what makes people resilient, they hope to develop therapies that could lessen negative responses and promote post-traumatic growth instead. "It's not about getting over it—it's about processing it in the most meaningful way," Tedeschi says. "You still have your fears and grief and suffering, but you have made your suffering meaningful. If you can learn to do that, you can get through the bad stuff in life and find value in the struggle."
/snip

http://www.self.com/health/2010/12/l...cheating-death

[Apocalipstic]

What a great Article Sparkle!

I am surprised that there is not more info on single event PTSD, that seems like the most likely scenario. Maybe right now so much PRSD is war related?

I am doing much better. Went to the beach over the long weekend and meditated had some fun and I am amazed at how much just a couple of days in the sun relaxed my mind.

I have started walking when I feel anxious, which really helps and as I remove things from my life which seem to trigger me, my life seems to get better.

Sending peaceful vibes to all the PTSDers out there!

[Sparkle]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

What a great Article Sparkle!

I am surprised that there is not more info on single event PTSD, that seems like the most likely scenario. Maybe right now so much PRSD is war related?

I am doing much better. Went to the beach over the long weekend and meditated had some fun and I am amazed at how much just a couple of days in the sun relaxed my mind.

I have started walking when I feel anxious, which really helps and as I remove things from my life which seem to trigger me, my life seems to get better.

Sending peaceful vibes to all the PTSDers out there!

I'm so glad you're feeling better! Amazing what breathing, moving, sunshine and laughter can do!

I think the lack of diagnosis and information about PTSD -- is part & parcel of the shifts in our health care system in America.

Insurance companies are running the show:

*numbers of visits are limited,
*Health centers are having patient's sign disclaimers every time they visit, acknowledging their care may or may not be covered at the whim of their insurance company - this discourages insured people from seeking thorough care and advocating for themselves when a health issue isn't sorted after one visit.

*Primary Care Physicians are encouraged to spend 15min or less with each patient
*and they're rewarded for NOT running tests etc.

If it weren't for my neurologist who was incredibly thorough, I wouldn't have received any quality of care after my accident. He did the job of my PCP, my Spine specialist and explained that some of my symptoms were PTSD related, in addition to his own job.

My PCP didn't even request I visit her after the accident and when I did finally see her - she called me: "SHE of the million dollar tests" in a disparaging tone and in reference to all of the tests my neurologist ordered. (needless to say I "fired" her)

In terms of my PTSD I was very lucky that I already had a good therapist who was able to walk me through the first 6months post accident - when my PTSD was at its highest.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Sparkle

I'm so glad you're feeling better! Amazing what breathing, moving, sunshine and laughter can do!

I think the lack of diagnosis and information about PTSD -- is part & parcel of the shifts in our health care system in America.

Insurance companies are running the show:

*numbers of visits are limited,
*Health centers are having patient's sign disclaimers every time they visit, acknowledging their care may or may not be covered at the whim of their insurance company - this discourages insured people from seeking thorough care and advocating for themselves when a health issue isn't sorted after one visit.

*Primary Care Physicians are encouraged to spend 15min or less with each patient
*and they're rewarded for NOT running tests etc.

If it weren't for my neurologist who was incredibly thorough, I wouldn't have received any quality of care after my accident. He did the job of my PCP, my Spine specialist and explained that some of my symptoms were PTSD related, in addition to his own job.

My PCP didn't even request I visit her after the accident and when I did finally see her - she called me: "SHE of the million dollar tests" in a disparaging tone and in reference to all of the tests my neurologist ordered. (needless to say I "fired" her)

In terms of my PTSD I was very lucky that I already had a good therapist who was able to walk me through the first 6months post accident - when my PTSD was at its highest.

My insurance company calls PTSD a "nervous disorder". It does pay for some of my treatment though. And I totally get the doc thing, my (now ex)neurologist called me "little lady" and laughed at the "fancy tests" my urologist ran on me. Yeay. The doctor visit should not be more traumatic than the events that caused the PTSD.

I finally found a great psychiatrist and therapist but I always end up paying for quite a bit of it out of pocket. I am lucky that my insurance pays for part of it.

Sunshine does seem to be the best medicine right now! And staying away from things that trigger me. I have been diagnosed with PTSD for 25 years and it comes and goes based on my life. My goal now is to live as simply and happily as possible and to strive to avoid situations that will stir me up. ...though sometimes I know it hurts people's feelings when I can't participate in some activities or just don't feel well enough.

[Apocalipstic]

OK so avoiding situations that stir me up is impossible.

[J. Mason]

Anyone else suffer from being scared over small things after having major surgery?

I had major surgery over a year ago and am not fully healed and I am scared to death about falling.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by J. Mason

Anyone else suffer from being scared over small things after having major surgery?

I had major surgery over a year ago and am not fully healed and I am scared to death about falling.

Yes, that feeling takes a while to go away, but it will as you heal.

[J. Mason]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Yes, that feeling takes a while to go away, but it will as you heal.

Good cuz I can't stand the feelings I have, I am scared about almost everything.

[Nat]

Got triggered tonight for the first time in a long while. Not terribly triggered but still. triggered. And the weird thing about being triggered for me is that I *cannot* communicate effectively when it happens. I just get rigid. frozen. cold. distant. hostile. And just like it's way easier to spend money than it is to earn it, it's way easier to get triggered than it is to get untriggered. There's really no explaining what's going on. I know well enough that time will help. Pretty much nothing but time helps. And I feel split. Part of me in this dark, silent, awful void - and then this other part just floating above it observing it all go down and waiting for my heart and mind to be a safe place to be again. I know it's a matter of time.

Speaking of which, it's past my bedtime. So time for meditation and hopefully eventually sleep. And tomorrow I hope to feel like me again.

[SoNotHer]

I appreciate someone giving voice to this, Nat. Time and sleep help heal. I hope you get a good sleep tonight.

Originally Posted by Nat

Got triggered tonight for the first time in a long while. Not terribly triggered but still. triggered. And the weird thing about being triggered for me is that I *cannot* communicate effectively when it happens. I just get rigid. frozen. cold. distant. hostile. And just like it's way easier to spend money than it is to earn it, it's way easier to get triggered than it is to get untriggered. There's really no explaining what's going on. I know well enough that time will help. Pretty much nothing but time helps. And I feel split. Part of me in this dark, silent, awful void - and then this other part just floating above it observing it all go down and waiting for my heart and mind to be a safe place to be again. I know it's a matter of time.

Speaking of which, it's past my bedtime. So time for meditation and hopefully eventually sleep. And tomorrow I hope to feel like me again.

[greeneyedgrrl]

i wish i'd known about this thread sooner! i've been really struggling with my ptsd lately and have had several severe panic attacks for the first time in years.. it's comforting to know i'm in good company.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Nat

Got triggered tonight for the first time in a long while. Not terribly triggered but still. triggered. And the weird thing about being triggered for me is that I *cannot* communicate effectively when it happens. I just get rigid. frozen. cold. distant. hostile. And just like it's way easier to spend money than it is to earn it, it's way easier to get triggered than it is to get untriggered. There's really no explaining what's going on. I know well enough that time will help. Pretty much nothing but time helps. And I feel split. Part of me in this dark, silent, awful void - and then this other part just floating above it observing it all go down and waiting for my heart and mind to be a safe place to be again. I know it's a matter of time.

Speaking of which, it's past my bedtime. So time for meditation and hopefully eventually sleep. And tomorrow I hope to feel like me again.

(((Nat))) I wish I could just sit next to you quietly like you did for me at Reunion. I get the same way.

Originally Posted by greeneyedgrrl

i wish i'd known about this thread sooner! i've been really struggling with my ptsd lately and have had several severe panic attacks for the first time in years.. it's comforting to know i'm in good company.

I still have good days and bad...more good right now, but I totally understand.

I hope you can find some answers or just come in here and vent. I did not know how to subscribe till recently (hangs head in shame) but do now and will be in more often to discuss or just listen.

We all have days when we just need to be listened to.

Glad we are still here to live another day....even when that seems like the hardest thing to do.

[Nat]

It was an important discussion I had with my mom last night. I think it was anyway. Talking about the underbelly of our family. The secrets in the complicated family dynamic as those who have wounded most have become increasingly frail and in need of care. Looking at the most horrible behaviors and how they affected us all either directly or indirectly or both. It was a good conversation - the two of us satellites of an elderly predator and another who was first prey and then preyed on us in different ways. It's like trying to put mismatched puzzle-pieces together. There are no answers I can see.

The hardest thing is that these were the men I've loved the most, depended on the most. And now they both are facing mortality indifferent ways. I love them both and so does she. Love is a hard thing when it's the kind that comes with scars well-formed.

I have learned to turn away from thoughts that cause me to relive the realities that formed my demons. I have figured out that deeper digging retraumatizes and re-wounds. It makes the groove deeper. But sometimes having a deep-down honest conversation about the history we share and the history we don't seems so necessary. But I'm tired of openin up old wounds.

[SoNotHer]

Beautifully said. Some times, Nat, the only thing it seems we can do is love our best in a state of dark silence and to know that the things unsaid, or perhaps the unsaying of them, is the most we can muster - especially when our hearts are like a palimpsest that testifies to a many-layered pain.

Here's to the well-deserved peace that awaits us.

Originally Posted by Nat

... Love is a hard thing when it's the kind that comes with scars well-formed.

I have learned to turn away from thoughts that cause me to relive the realities that formed my demons. I have figured out that deeper digging retraumatizes and re-wounds. It makes the groove deeper. But sometimes having a deep-down honest conversation about the history we share and the history we don't seems so necessary. But I'm tired of openin up old wounds.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Nat

It was an important discussion I had with my mom last night. I think it was anyway. Talking about the underbelly of our family. The secrets in the complicated family dynamic as those who have wounded most have become increasingly frail and in need of care. Looking at the most horrible behaviors and how they affected us all either directly or indirectly or both. It was a good conversation - the two of us satellites of an elderly predator and another who was first prey and then preyed on us in different ways. It's like trying to put mismatched puzzle-pieces together. There are no answers I can see.

The hardest thing is that these were the men I've loved the most, depended on the most. And now they both are facing mortality indifferent ways. I love them both and so does she. Love is a hard thing when it's the kind that comes with scars well-formed.

I have learned to turn away from thoughts that cause me to relive the realities that formed my demons. I have figured out that deeper digging retraumatizes and re-wounds. It makes the groove deeper. But sometimes having a deep-down honest conversation about the history we share and the history we don't seems so necessary. But I'm tired of openin up old wounds.

Originally Posted by SoNotHer

Beautifully said. Some times, Nat, the only thing it seems we can do is love our best in a state of dark silence and to know that the things unsaid, or perhaps the unsaying of them, is the most we can muster - especially when our hearts are like a palimpsest that testifies to a many-layered pain.

Here's to the well-deserved peace that awaits us.

I so get that. The person in my family died 2 years ago and I still struggle to believe he is gone sometimes.

Anything to do with him is very triggery for me.

In trying to find forgiveness I am coming to the realization that the less I delve deeply, the less I flip out. That forgiveness is giving up the hope that my past will change and that really what matters is being present and in the current moment.

That really does not help navigating how to deal with the abusers now I know, but something you all said really resonates...the digging too deep so many times makes it hurt even more.

I always thought that digging really deeply would heal me, but it hasn't.

[Lazy Daze]

What a great thread, and I don't know how I didn't see it until now

I have PTSD from a single event. I was severely beaten by a person I was in a relationship with and literally left for dead. I am coming up on my 12th year anniversary of surviving this event on Thanksgiving, and there is not a year that doesn't go by that I don't find myself in a"slump" during this holiday. I too have triggers, and with a lot of support and resources, I am able to identify Most of mine. As most of you feel, I am ashamed and feel an overly amount of guilt about what happened. No matter how much I "prepare" myself for the upcoming holiday and remind myself that it is the past, I still feel hopeless and helpless when the time arrives. As apocalipstic has endured, I too, will be broke out in hives before all is said and done.

I have become stronger with time. Having given myself a confidence booster with my profession, teaching myself that I truly am a strong woman. But one thing is for sure, it never will go away. I am blessed with an amazing partner who understands what I have been through and has given me the unconditional love and support to help me get stronger each and every day.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Lazy Daze

What a great thread, and I don't know how I didn't see it until now

I have PTSD from a single event. I was severely beaten by a person I was in a relationship with and literally left for dead. I am coming up on my 12th year anniversary of surviving this event on Thanksgiving, and there is not a year that doesn't go by that I don't find myself in a"slump" during this holiday. I too have triggers, and with a lot of support and resources, I am able to identify Most of mine. As most of you feel, I am ashamed and feel an overly amount of guilt about what happened. No matter how much I "prepare" myself for the upcoming holiday and remind myself that it is the past, I still feel hopeless and helpless when the time arrives. As apocalipstic has endured, I too, will be broke out in hives before all is said and done.

I have become stronger with time. Having given myself a confidence booster with my profession, teaching myself that I truly am a strong woman. But one thing is for sure, it never will go away. I am blessed with an amazing partner who understands what I have been through and has given me the unconditional love and support to help me get stronger each and every day.

Holidays are so hard. I will be thinking about you!

The hives are the worst, especially when they wont go away for days. Miserable and frightening!

I hope I never have them again. I hope nothing ever triggers me to that extent again, or you either!

[Apocalipstic]

So I went to therapy and while we agree I am doing incredibly better, we discussed triggers.

I have really been working on forgiveness and moving on with my life, but I get held up when I tell myself I have forgiven something and let it go, yet my body still reacts. I hate that. I hate that I don't have more control that I can't fiiiinally decide to let something go and it just be gone. You know?

My body still has PTSD and always will. Whatever my brain decides, my body reacts differently.