Anybody want to talk about sexual expression (performance?) as we age? Nitty gritty stuff.

[iamkeri1]

This is not a thread about lesbian bed death, though we can talk about that in here, because I think changes in technique may help us "rise from the dead", lol.

What I want to talk about is positions that are easier, devices that may help, how to overcome the bad effects of medication on our libido or performance ability, how we can help our partners, or they can help us achieve whatever goal we desire (orgasm, union, physical closeness, whatever.)

I would like for posters to be as specific as they can comfortably be. If you suggest tantric sex, give us sources or links, or be specific, tell us step by step how you do what you do. Have you figured out a good position that makes penetration easier? - share it with us. Masturbation techniques are good, (please share them with us) but my personal interest is on what will help older couples. (In their "coupling", as it were.) Come on now, don't be embarrassed, we're all grown-ups here.

Also this would be a good place to talk about our feelings about sex as we age. I think a lot of us say, "I have lost interest", when what we really mean is "I'm afraid" - that I'm not attractive anymore, that I won't be able to please my partner, that I'll be in pain for days afterward, that I'll have to quit in the middle of it. Or we may mean, "I'm angry at you, so I don't want to have sex" A lot of things build up in a relationship, things go unsaid, feelings get hurt, and intimacies becomes problematic as a result. Maybe we can help each other get past this.

Those of us who are lucky enough to have lived past our youth are going to be facing some of these issues. Maybe talking about it will help.

Smooches,
Keri

[AtLast]

Although, I get told I am aging well (whatever that means), the fact is that I have severe polyosteoarthritis along with RA. In some ways, I felt older when first diagnosed in my early 40's. Sure, I remain active, but can't do many physical things I used to do. I'll be 60 in March of 2011 and most of the time age is just a number to me. I was a competitive athlete and these changes were not easy to accept.

My libido certainly can be affected my chronic pain and medications. What I have learned is that I have to just adjust dosages of some medications and use others to help during sex with muscle spasm and pain- kind of tricky!! Also, using mental imagery and just sex-talk can work wonders in kick-starting a higher level of desire. So can sensual massage and tantric methods (especially these breathing techniques for prolonged sexual activity).

Sexually positions have changed for me with age and the arthritis. Won't be flying off ceilings anymore! Yet, sex remains the wonder it always has been for me...... with the right partner. And choosing a partner that understands able-bodied privilege and sex is important for me.

Life changes with age, just a fact and sex changes along with everything else. Reaching the appropriate developmental stages in life to meet these changes emotionally with acceptance, and an ability to explore possibilities (instead of only seeing loss and barriers) and the inner grace to explore my body from different viewpoints, has been key to remaining a healthy sexual being while aging. I don’t gauge sex according to performance criteria of others except for the desires and needs of a partner. We will meet somewhere in the middle!

Oh, I did have a loss of libido during menopause, but it elevated later on... think it was finally being free from the horrible and frequent headaches I had!

Thanks for the thread! I hope there will be lots of discussion from everyone.

[iamkeri1]

Anyone in the mood to talk about this stuff today?

OK, I have one. This is for folks who are used to using a cock in their lovemaking. If your knees, or your partner's knees are bad and that makes penetration with a strap-on cock difficult, try this. Lie side by side, have the cock wielding partner hold the cock in her/his hand and penetrate that way. Though it may require a small mental shift, it can still feel great to both partners. Remember a cock in the hand is better than two sexually unsatisfied partners, LOL.
Smooches,
Keri

[Starrynightaw]

Ill talk about it.
Since I normally date those older than me, I have had to accommodate for their physical limits. When its a bad back issue, I've experienced its easier to be on top myself so the weight can be distributed evenly for them. I prefer the doggy-style type position but if they have bad knees its easier to let them lean over you like in a slanted position, sometimes it gets deeper so it's kinda a win-win for both.

Just some random thoughts.

[AtLast]

Thank the Goddesses for people dealing with reality without shame! No way with severe poly-osteoarthritis, RA and fibromyalgia am I going to be able to swing from the rafters as I used to!!

But... ADAPTATION is everything! So is having a partner that isn't stuck on sex as static!

And yanno... there is a lot of sexiness and arousal with all the pre-adjustment/adaptation talk! The human voice is one of the most sensual tools of the trade.

LOL, I remember visiting my Mom at the senior facility she lived in and seeing many smiles and winks among the residents.

[Hollylane]

I haven't made a graphic post in awhile. So, here it comes.....but don't be surprised by my vanilla

My partner and I always preferred for him to be behind me. Due to his constant knee/leg pain, we now do this with me draped over the best height appropriate piece of furniture. I push back onto him to further help the process.

His sex drive is currently MIA(as is mine due to illness), but I find other ways to satisfy our need for intimacy and skin to skin contact. Even if that means I just squish him with my entire body for our mutual entertainment & giggles/laughter.

[kannon]

Originally Posted by iamkeri1

This is not a thread about lesbian bed death, though we can talk about that in here, because I think changes in technique may help us "rise from the dead", lol.

What I want to talk about is positions that are easier, devices that may help, how to overcome the bad effects of medication on our libido or performance ability, how we can help our partners, or they can help us achieve whatever goal we desire (orgasm, union, physical closeness, whatever.)

I would like for posters to be as specific as they can comfortably be. If you suggest tantric sex, give us sources or links, or be specific, tell us step by step how you do what you do. Have you figured out a good position that makes penetration easier? - share it with us. Masturbation techniques are good, (please share them with us) but my personal interest is on what will help older couples. (In their "coupling", as it were.) Come on now, don't be embarrassed, we're all grown-ups here.

Also this would be a good place to talk about our feelings about sex as we age. I think a lot of us say, "I have lost interest", when what we really mean is "I'm afraid" - that I'm not attractive anymore, that I won't be able to please my partner, that I'll be in pain for days afterward, that I'll have to quit in the middle of it. Or we may mean, "I'm angry at you, so I don't want to have sex" A lot of things build up in a relationship, things go unsaid, feelings get hurt, and intimacies becomes problematic as a result. Maybe we can help each other get past this.

Those of us who are lucky enough to have lived past our youth are going to be facing some of these issues. Maybe talking about it will help.

Smooches,
Keri

Gettin' down to the nitty gritty.....love it.

Communication is the key. Honest and open communication. If your partner is understanding and willing to work and explore with you then things should work out.

Performance can be tweaked and adjusted to overcome almost any physical barriers.