Your Death and Post-Death Preferences

[Queerasfck]

Organ donor-yes
cremated-yes
ashes thrown out over Heinz Field-hell yes!

[MsTinkerbelly]

I am an organ donor, but because of my health I doubt they will use any part of me. When my Step-Father passed we tried to have his organs donated as per his wishes, but they disallowed him.

I wish to be cremated, and as was done for my Mother I would like a party for my family and friends to get together and remember my life.

[JustJo]

I don't think this is morbid at all...realistic is more like it.

My mother and I have had several conversations about this lately since her cancer is what it is. She has decided to donate her body to research on Crohn's disease. As a 50 year survivor of it, they may be able to learn some things from her body after she's gone. She wants no funeral at all....it's a family tradition. We just don't do them. She said that her friends can gather at Dunkin Donuts and have a cup of tea and a cruller in her honor. Her family can do what they want (since they always have...and none of them are close).

As far as my own body, I'd like to donate whatever is usable, although I doubt any of it will be given my health issues. What's left can be cremated. I like roses, and roses like ashes....act accordingly.

Everything I own goes to my son.

[tapu]

Very interesting thread.


This book is the famous (infamous?) expose of the American funeral industry. It is extremely informative, and wicked funny! It's by Jessica Mitford. I had to have it, if only for the cover.

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679771867/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319499717&sr=1-2"]http://www.amazon.com/American-Way-Death-Revisited/dp/0679771867/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319499717&sr=1-2[/ame]

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by tapu

Very interesting thread.


This book is the famous (infamous?) expose of the American funeral industry. It is extremely informative, and wicked funny! It's by Jessica Mitford. I had to have it, if only for the cover.

http://www.amazon.com/American-Way-D...9499717&sr=1-2

Wait a minute. Didn't somebody post a similar picture of themselves..and maybe with their partner? I feel like people were having a picnic or something. Was it Medusa? Like a year or so ago.

[DapperButch]

So.

When I was dealing with colon cancer last/this year I thought about death for the first time. Well, it was the first time I thought about my death, anyway.

What struck me was that it was important to me that people remembered me after I died. Not remembered me FOR something. Just remembered me. I thought about how when an acquaintance dies I might feel sad about their loss, but that eventually I think about the person less and less.

My thought was that it was important to me that the people who were close to me not forget me quickly. What that means exactly, I don't know. I just know I had that thought often during my surgery/chemo induced haze (that really I swear I didn't come out of until like a month ago even though I finished chemo 6 months ago). I am not so sure what all is behind that psychologically, but this is what I remember focusing on.

In terms of my own funeral/burial, etc. I signed up to donate all organs, but I suppose now that wouldn't make sense since I had cancer/chemo? Or, at least they shouldn't take my parts I don't think. Sure, all of us have cancer cells floating around, but most likely I have more than most. And not to be morbid or anything, but there certainly is a solid chance that I have a tiny tumor in an organ somewhere that will become known to me in a few or more years. A tumor that is currently too small for a scan to pick up on. No, I do not think anyone should have my organs.

Anyway...

I don't really care what happens with my body. I do want to be cremated and don't want my body to be viewed. My mother will no doubt want some sort of service at her church and I am fine with that. I also have a plot next to my mother and father (evidently, they were cheap at the time, so my parents figured they would buy me one too, "in case I never got another plot and needed it"...thanks mom and dad!). If I die any time soon I am ok with my ashes being buried there. Otherwise, it really doesn't matter to me.

[tapu]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Wait a minute. Didn't somebody post a similar picture of themselves..and maybe with their partner? I feel like people were having a picnic or something. Was it Medusa? Like a year or so ago.

My good DB, are you high? It shows Jessica Mitford in a crematorium.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by tapu

My good DB, are you high? It shows Jessica Mitford in a crematorium.

Ok, so in looking at my last post, one may think so. LOL

Now I am thinking that I dreamed it. But, there was someone that posted some sort of picture similar to this. Seriously. Maybe not a picture with members here, but something was posted in a thread somewhere. I swear.

Ask someone with a good memory for these types of things. Snow or June or something.

[DapperButch]

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/gall....php?photo=500

Medusa at mausoleum. :-)

[socialjustice_fsu]

As a hospice social worker I am so pleased this is being openly talked about. Please, if you do nothing more than this it may ease not only your mind but also who might be overseeing your final arrangements: WRITE YOUR WISHES DOWN. Give a copy to someone you trust. Most physicians will even keep this info. for you in their file. I promise you...it is not good enough to simply speak your wishes. When family and friends have differing thoughts about what you 'might' want it can get terribly ugly. I could supply you with example after example of things gone awry in the face of a death.

And, take a look at advance directives in your state. Many of the forms can be downloaded in a matter of minutes. These include living wills, health care proxy statement, health care surrogate, durable power of attorney. Some will require a notary seal depending on the format. Insist your partner complete the same documents. If you assign a DPOA - keep a copy in the glove compartment - hopefully, you will never need it - but in an emergency you want to know where to look first.

As far as organ donors...most states have a registry that you can access to be sure you are actually listed. In Florida it is donatelifeflorida.com.

Please, have this discussion - outloud - and then commit it to paper.

Do this for yourself. And do it for the loved one's in your life. They will be forever grateful.

[Hack]

I read an article several months ago about the "green" funeral movement. If you think about it, when we bury the dead in a cemetery, we put a lot of stuff in the ground that is not good -- heavy metals, chemicals, treated wood products, etc.

I tried to find a link to the article (it was in Audubon Magazine), but I can't locate it. Here is a good link, though, to an organization that espouses "green" funerals. http://www.greenburialcouncil.org/

As for me, personally, I have to admit I haven't given much thought to it. I am a very much a "day at a time" type of person. I do know I'm not big on a church thing. I'd just rather it be some sort of non-denominational memorial type thing with a nice party afterward.

[tapu]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/gall....php?photo=500

Medusa at mausoleum. :-)

No. Frigging. Way. I can't believe that! Hope she sees this. It's kind of... double eerie.

[tapu]

columbarium?

[always2late]

Donate whatever can be donated, and then cremation.

[tapu]

Originally Posted by Hack

I read an article several months ago about the "green" funeral movement. If you think about it, when we bury the dead in a cemetery, we put a lot of stuff in the ground that is not good -- heavy metals, chemicals, treated wood products, etc.

I tried to find a link to the article (it was in Audubon Magazine), but I can't locate it. Here is a good link, though, to an organization that espouses "green" funerals. http://www.greenburialcouncil.org/

As for me, personally, I have to admit I haven't given much thought to it. I am a very much a "day at a time" type of person. I do know I'm not big on a church thing. I'd just rather it be some sort of non-denominational memorial type thing with a nice party afterward.

Six Feet Under had a few episodes about green burials. There were some pretty visceral details, but seemed good to me. (I think I read that the land might be a problem--is it that it shouldn't get into the water table or something?) I don't know, but it's an interesting topic to research.

[Gina]

Originally Posted by socialjustice_fsu

As a hospice social worker I am so pleased this is being openly talked about. Please, if you do nothing more than this it may ease not only your mind but also who might be overseeing your final arrangements: WRITE YOUR WISHES DOWN. Give a copy to someone you trust. Most physicians will even keep this info. for you in their file. I promise you...it is not good enough to simply speak your wishes. When family and friends have differing thoughts about what you 'might' want it can get terribly ugly. I could supply you with example after example of things gone awry in the face of a death.

And, take a look at advance directives in your state. Many of the forms can be downloaded in a matter of minutes. These include living wills, health care proxy statement, health care surrogate, durable power of attorney. Some will require a notary seal depending on the format. Insist your partner complete the same documents. If you assign a DPOA - keep a copy in the glove compartment - hopefully, you will never need it - but in an emergency you want to know where to look first.

As far as organ donors...most states have a registry that you can access to be sure you are actually listed. In Florida it is donatelifeflorida.com.

Please, have this discussion - outloud - and then commit it to paper.

Do this for yourself. And do it for the loved one's in your life. They will be forever grateful.

Okay folks...I am in Hospice care at home. Today I got oxygen delivered. I have COPD and there is no cure. Hospice is wonderful and the people are caring and make sure that you have what you need to live out your life as comfortable as possible. I have written my wishes in the booklet they gave me and also have copies for family and I carry a copy in the car. I am still out and about and go out and do things. I was never afraid to live, and I am not afraid to die. I will keep you posted on the process of dying if you want..

Gina

[Hollylane]

I want whatever organs that are usable to be given to those who can use them.

After that, I want to be given back to the Earth. If I have to be in a bag to make people more comfortable, make it a biodegradable bag. I want my body to nourish the Earth that nourished me.

[princessbelle]

I am a Hospice/Homecare nurse as well.

Something inspiring happened today at work. We are now handing out all of the forms, from Living Wills, to Durable Power Of Attorneys with every single patient that we admit to Homecare now in our admission packets.

I thought about this thread today while we were getting the new info. And as socialjustice_fsu stated, all states are different. Here in Tennessee our Living Wills can just have two sigs and no longer have to be notarized.

State to State rules...those are what is important to know the facts and can definately be found online. Make sure everyone including your PCP, family and POA know these exist and actually have copies of them. Because the line ...."oh don't do CPR on her she didn't want it but i don't know where that paper is" will equate to, most of the time, prolonging life no matter what the circumstance.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by Gina

Okay folks...I am in Hospice care at home. Today I got oxygen delivered. I have COPD and there is no cure. Hospice is wonderful and the people are caring and make sure that you have what you need to live out your life as comfortable as possible. I have written my wishes in the booklet they gave me and also have copies for family and I carry a copy in the car. I am still out and about and go out and do things. I was never afraid to live, and I am not afraid to die. I will keep you posted on the process of dying if you want..

Gina

Your courage has left me speechless. I hope that your journey is peaceful and loving.

Thank you for your candid post. It is very brave. Love and prayers to you and yours.

[Hollylane]

Originally Posted by Gina

Okay folks...I am in Hospice care at home. Today I got oxygen delivered. I have COPD and there is no cure. Hospice is wonderful and the people are caring and make sure that you have what you need to live out your life as comfortable as possible. I have written my wishes in the booklet they gave me and also have copies for family and I carry a copy in the car. I am still out and about and go out and do things. I was never afraid to live, and I am not afraid to die. I will keep you posted on the process of dying if you want..

Gina

I too, am speechless. You are very brave and strong. Thank you for sharing. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that your path is peaceful, filled with beauty, and that you are surrounded by the people you love, and the people who love you.