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PearlsNLace · 06-29-2010, 01:37 PM

Last week marked 8 years sober.

Somedays I feel like an imposter sitting in the rooms. The alcoholic I was seems so far removed from the person I get to be today.

Then, there are other days where I so clearly see the self absorbed entitled escaper of feelings that I still am- and where my drinking gets replace with a thousand different avenues to run (face book, food, here, work, relationship drama, sleep)

i would not have the network of friends and the connections to inner growth that I have now, without AA. And I seriously doubt I would be alive without all that AA continues to facilitate in my life.

but some days I just want to be "recovered". I dont want to be broken. I dont want to translate the lords prayer with a goddess chant that works for me.

Im finding that today I struggle with the word SHOULD. I feel like by now, I should be more balance, more serene, the promises more fulfilled in my life.

And I know, that throughout the last few years, at times I have been.

This year has been amazing. I found my footing again after a divorce of a terribly brief marriage. I became an RN. I chose to take a risk with my heart with an aquaintance,and find new love with new dynamics to grow exponentially. I let 2 AA commitments down due to overworking and then illness, by not asking for help. I did not have a sponsee for longer than one week for the whole year. I gained 40 pounds. I learned how to change a pump on a washer machine, and how to make matzo balls, and how to plant a garden. I also learned that I could live without a car, even in a town with a cruddy bus system. And I learned, finally, to pick up the phone and call people when Im angry, lonely, to NOT eat ice cream when Im hungry, and to allow for sleep when Im tired (instead of overwhelmed)

Thanks. I appreciate having a place to share, amongst family.

06-29-2010, 01:37 PM	#346
PearlsNLace Member How Do You Identify?: queer Preferred Pronoun?: They/Them & her/she Relationship Status: Lucky, very lucky Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Portlandia, Oregon Posts: 427 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 875 Thanked 1,286 Times in 315 Posts Rep Power: 6505517	Last week marked 8 years sober. Somedays I feel like an imposter sitting in the rooms. The alcoholic I was seems so far removed from the person I get to be today. Then, there are other days where I so clearly see the self absorbed entitled escaper of feelings that I still am- and where my drinking gets replace with a thousand different avenues to run (face book, food, here, work, relationship drama, sleep) i would not have the network of friends and the connections to inner growth that I have now, without AA. And I seriously doubt I would be alive without all that AA continues to facilitate in my life. but some days I just want to be "recovered". I dont want to be broken. I dont want to translate the lords prayer with a goddess chant that works for me. Im finding that today I struggle with the word SHOULD. I feel like by now, I should be more balance, more serene, the promises more fulfilled in my life. And I know, that throughout the last few years, at times I have been. This year has been amazing. I found my footing again after a divorce of a terribly brief marriage. I became an RN. I chose to take a risk with my heart with an aquaintance,and find new love with new dynamics to grow exponentially. I let 2 AA commitments down due to overworking and then illness, by not asking for help. I did not have a sponsee for longer than one week for the whole year. I gained 40 pounds. I learned how to change a pump on a washer machine, and how to make matzo balls, and how to plant a garden. I also learned that I could live without a car, even in a town with a cruddy bus system. And I learned, finally, to pick up the phone and call people when Im angry, lonely, to NOT eat ice cream when Im hungry, and to allow for sleep when Im tired (instead of overwhelmed) Thanks. I appreciate having a place to share, amongst family.