Friends of Bill W.

[PearlsNLace]

Last week marked 8 years sober.

Somedays I feel like an imposter sitting in the rooms. The alcoholic I was seems so far removed from the person I get to be today.

Then, there are other days where I so clearly see the self absorbed entitled escaper of feelings that I still am- and where my drinking gets replace with a thousand different avenues to run (face book, food, here, work, relationship drama, sleep)

i would not have the network of friends and the connections to inner growth that I have now, without AA. And I seriously doubt I would be alive without all that AA continues to facilitate in my life.

but some days I just want to be "recovered". I dont want to be broken. I dont want to translate the lords prayer with a goddess chant that works for me.

Im finding that today I struggle with the word SHOULD. I feel like by now, I should be more balance, more serene, the promises more fulfilled in my life.

And I know, that throughout the last few years, at times I have been.

This year has been amazing. I found my footing again after a divorce of a terribly brief marriage. I became an RN. I chose to take a risk with my heart with an aquaintance,and find new love with new dynamics to grow exponentially. I let 2 AA commitments down due to overworking and then illness, by not asking for help. I did not have a sponsee for longer than one week for the whole year. I gained 40 pounds. I learned how to change a pump on a washer machine, and how to make matzo balls, and how to plant a garden. I also learned that I could live without a car, even in a town with a cruddy bus system. And I learned, finally, to pick up the phone and call people when Im angry, lonely, to NOT eat ice cream when Im hungry, and to allow for sleep when Im tired (instead of overwhelmed)

Thanks. I appreciate having a place to share, amongst family.

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by PearlsNLace

Last week marked 8 years sober.

It has been 8 years already? Happy Anniversary to you my friend. IMO just by some of your comments made in your post, I can see your personal growth, and self awareness it's showing.

This weekend is Living Sober. I will be thinking of you. Again, Congrats!

[Soft*Silver]

there is a new gay AA meeting down the road from me that meets on Tuesdays PM. I am going for this first time tonight! I am really excited! It cuts into my gardening time but there are many things I must nurture in order to gain the harvest...and not all of it is tangible...

[Soft*Silver]

I had a great time at the meeting...great fellowship and alot of good recovery there. I also finally got a sponsor! I have been looking for one and hadnt found her until tonight. She has something good...

[LeftWriteFemme]

July 1




Exercising Futility


Asking the confused for explanation is like asking a blind man the color of the sea. It isn’t that he couldn’t tell you, but how could you be sure? To exercise futility is more than just a game or the words to a song your mother sings when lost or far away. To take the fish out of water and train it on a bike is meaner than I need to be, but isn’t it my right? Just to do things because they can be done or try them because they can’t is more the worse for everyday a tragedy in pants. Puzzle out the little things and practice when you can, for putting on the frazzled mind is cruel to the poor sweet-hearted sot.





Don’t get hooked by excuses




*

SPONTANEOUS GENERATION

Dust under the bed turns into bugs
My grandfather believed in these alchemies of myth.
I thought myself free from the small witchcrafts of threat.

The longer I stay sober,
The more real is the insidious nature of my disease
Mental clutter does breed all manner of
Squirming and chattering vermin.
Every intellectual closet I leave uncleaned
Is a brooding box of contempt,
False pride and bloated ego.

The synchronism of hatchling defects and nursing grudges
Fairytale thinking and firebrand action
Mimic grandpa’s bedbug rantings.

I can never turn my back on unswept philosophy
Or the dross of assumptions I’ve left waiting in piles.
Spiritual house cleaning is all that saves me
From the transmigration of blood sucking life draining phantasm.

Supernatural transformations needn’t plague me if I take right action
The difference between blessings and curses
Is the direction in which you are going.

[LeftWriteFemme]

July 2



From Mind to Pen to Paper



What a relief to have exteriorized all the swirl of thought, which normally swarms my mind, waiting to take the stage and run through their numbers. Then like deciphering a code I was able to cross out all the irrelevant and redundant information, leaving me with a clear answer. Once there standing on its own; it was obvious and easily explained how two plus three is five. I just love anything that can be explained all on one hand and there it was tidy and neatly fitted in the nest of my palm, easy to grasp hold, of with my fingers or my mind.





Slip an orange into your dreams



*

NOUN, VERB, ADJECTIVE

Model Sobriety [mode’el sobriite] n,v,adj.
1. Model Sobriety acts like clay
Durable and flexible it molds to any situation.
2. Model Sobriety is like a clotheshorse
Everything you put on it fits and looks good.
3. Model Sobriety is the 24 hour version
Of a life-long process.
4. Model Sobriety is a set of axioms
With which we interpret truth.
5. Model Sobriety is what we put in the window
For other sufferers to see.
6. Model Sobriety is the mirror we use
To learn what is natural.
7. Model Sobriety eliminates extremes
In behavior and thinking.
8. Model Sobriety is the mode
My which we become a channel.
9. Model Sobriety is the definition
In and of my life.

Noun, Verb, Adjective

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by softness

I had a great time at the meeting...great fellowship and alot of good recovery there. I also finally got a sponsor! I have been looking for one and hadnt found her until tonight. She has something good...

Softness, this is wonderful! So glad you got yourself a new sponsor, that is a tool I would be loathed to do without! It's so great that you have a local gay meeting now it makes a world of difference to me!

Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

July 3



Trouble with Geometry



You are not allowed to get into trouble on purpose, that’s the rule and if you do you will get no sympathy that’s the corollary. Life is too hard to go looking for trouble, running toward danger, whining about self-inflicted pain. The unspoken law of risk taking is that failure is dealt with in silence. Writhing on the ground after sticking your head in a hornet’s nest, leaves me and the world I know to be speechless in your presence. I know you desire consolation from me. All I know to say is that your actions are incongruent with your life.







Stir the atmosphere in your room



*

DISTILLATION
I came into these rooms with a mixed mental makeup
And a polluted physical chemistry.
I have been transformed
But only into tiny droplets.

The drops are not dramatic but the process is.
Distillation of my thinking is a powerful thing
A volatile act of concentration takes place.
As my brain boils over
And the sane is separated from the profane.

Purity is a spiritual gift,
The result of vaporizing my old thoughts.
Many times the night distills the dew
And I am quickly refreshed,
Other times I must cook for quite awhile.

[LeftWriteFemme]

July 4



Origins



At the root of it all is darkness. The place from which I grow, the structure that holds me fiercely upright, is pressed on all sides by dirt. When I get right down to it the ethereal leaves and twigs even the branches, do not exist, except for my foundation in the composted death and recycled life; the ground. For is it G-d who rains down from the heavens light and water or is G-d truly living at the center of the earth, warming my toes and securing me to what is real.






Use a mirror for words on the tip of your tongue



*

KEY

I asked for the key to my problems.
My expectation was a metal instrument
With which to unbolt the lock to my desires.

What I was given is a systematic explanation
Of the symbols of the plan of my life.
This has been a wonderful gift
And I have benefited greatly.

But first I have to stop brooding
About the loss of my wished for trinket.
Putting names on my map helps me
Stay off cliffs and out of rivers

The code is broken
I can decipher direction and intent
The composition of life’s offerings
Fit and harmonize in unimagined ways.

It creates archways strong and unbending
Giving me access to reefs of beauty and rest.
I asked for the means to open a door
But gained entry to the world.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by PearlsNLace

Last week marked 8 years sober.

Congratulations!!!!! I so identify with you, all you're going through and all the things you've discovered, too. Live is so much sometimes, but so much better sober. I wish you a million blessings on your head!

hugs,

Sherrie