01-02-2011, 11:32 AM
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#47
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian.
Relationship Status: Happy
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic.
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I think one has to be careful when trying to categorize STYLES of communication into just 4 possibilities.
If it was that simple, humans would be a wee bit better at it.
Different people, different situations, different arenas evoke different responses from us. The style we choose to use may depend on a particular result we are trying to evoke; or our current state of being i.e. tired, sad,
angry; the role we are playing i.e. child, parent, employee etc. It is seldom a clear field of play in a nice air tight vacuum.
For example, someone might think I am communicating passively when actually I am really not in the mood to be engaged, or I am disinterested in the topic, or I am refusing to be baited, or I know the plumber can fix my broken hot water heater on a weekend and how I "play" this might influence if he charges me something reasonable or if I will have to take out a second mortgage.
Same holds true for the other styles. It is not necessarily reflecting what one might think.
I try and keep in mind that words can hurt, and to try and choose them carefully. I am not always successful.
I also try and remember to be aware of my own internal state and how this is affecting my reactions. It stops a lot of things from coming out of my mouth.
And, I find the most "dangerous" situations for me is in the "heat of the moment" - whether it be good heat or not so good heat. These times, I try and remember the day I was ranting and raving, pacing, gesturing, and swearing as any good Italian would do. My partner, at the time, sat on the couch peeling a banana.....very calmly, very deliberately and oh so so so slowly. I was mezmerized by her banana. It was a very calming thing to do, a bit erotic, and simply distracted me from whatever I was upset about.
The image never fails to calm me down and get me back on track.
Indirect communication sometimes is helpful with certain people. I try to interject humor when I am doing this. Helps if you understand my humor.
Direct communication is preferable with me. I can be extremely obtuse.
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