Communication 101: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Kobi · 01-02-2011, 11:32 AM

I think one has to be careful when trying to categorize STYLES of communication into just 4 possibilities.

If it was that simple, humans would be a wee bit better at it.

Different people, different situations, different arenas evoke different responses from us. The style we choose to use may depend on a particular result we are trying to evoke; or our current state of being i.e. tired, sad,
angry; the role we are playing i.e. child, parent, employee etc. It is seldom a clear field of play in a nice air tight vacuum.

For example, someone might think I am communicating passively when actually I am really not in the mood to be engaged, or I am disinterested in the topic, or I am refusing to be baited, or I know the plumber can fix my broken hot water heater on a weekend and how I "play" this might influence if he charges me something reasonable or if I will have to take out a second mortgage.

Same holds true for the other styles. It is not necessarily reflecting what one might think.

I try and keep in mind that words can hurt, and to try and choose them carefully. I am not always successful.

I also try and remember to be aware of my own internal state and how this is affecting my reactions. It stops a lot of things from coming out of my mouth.

And, I find the most "dangerous" situations for me is in the "heat of the moment" - whether it be good heat or not so good heat. These times, I try and remember the day I was ranting and raving, pacing, gesturing, and swearing as any good Italian would do. My partner, at the time, sat on the couch peeling a banana.....very calmly, very deliberately and oh so so so slowly. I was mezmerized by her banana. It was a very calming thing to do, a bit erotic, and simply distracted me from whatever I was upset about.
The image never fails to calm me down and get me back on track.

Indirect communication sometimes is helpful with certain people. I try to interject humor when I am doing this. Helps if you understand my humor.

Direct communication is preferable with me. I can be extremely obtuse.

01-02-2011, 11:32 AM	#11
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,635 Times in 7,642 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	I think one has to be careful when trying to categorize STYLES of communication into just 4 possibilities. If it was that simple, humans would be a wee bit better at it. Different people, different situations, different arenas evoke different responses from us. The style we choose to use may depend on a particular result we are trying to evoke; or our current state of being i.e. tired, sad, angry; the role we are playing i.e. child, parent, employee etc. It is seldom a clear field of play in a nice air tight vacuum. For example, someone might think I am communicating passively when actually I am really not in the mood to be engaged, or I am disinterested in the topic, or I am refusing to be baited, or I know the plumber can fix my broken hot water heater on a weekend and how I "play" this might influence if he charges me something reasonable or if I will have to take out a second mortgage. Same holds true for the other styles. It is not necessarily reflecting what one might think. I try and keep in mind that words can hurt, and to try and choose them carefully. I am not always successful. I also try and remember to be aware of my own internal state and how this is affecting my reactions. It stops a lot of things from coming out of my mouth. And, I find the most "dangerous" situations for me is in the "heat of the moment" - whether it be good heat or not so good heat. These times, I try and remember the day I was ranting and raving, pacing, gesturing, and swearing as any good Italian would do. My partner, at the time, sat on the couch peeling a banana.....very calmly, very deliberately and oh so so so slowly. I was mezmerized by her banana. It was a very calming thing to do, a bit erotic, and simply distracted me from whatever I was upset about. The image never fails to calm me down and get me back on track. Indirect communication sometimes is helpful with certain people. I try to interject humor when I am doing this. Helps if you understand my humor. Direct communication is preferable with me. I can be extremely obtuse. __________________