Quote:
Originally Posted by June
I don't think it's okay to misrepresent your gender online. Ever. Be who you are or don't show up.
I am so sick of people hiding behind the anonymity of the Internets. It is to the point where if I don't know you, and no one I know, knows you then what the hell are you trying to hide?
I know that sounds really cranky, doesn't it.
I should go back out to the garden now.
*Muttering "sorry" on the way out*
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Might sound cranky, but I am with you on this 100%. I have become so much more cautious online due to this kind of activity. And also with meeting anyone connected with even our site! Just too many bizarre things have happened to me and people I do know in person. Although compared to people much younger than myself and generations that have had the internet as part of their lives much, much longer, my experiences are probably less in numbers.
I hate feeling this way sometimes because I enjoy and do have a positive connection with our site here and do read many folks as being most likely good people. Having gone to some conferences and social events when I could do so in the past had both positive and negative consequences, yet the positive outweighed the negative in making a couple of good friends that I do trust very much.
A long time ago- way back on the PNO personals area, I was lied to by a MtF concerning her gender. I did have some consideration for her in some ways about the difficulty she might be in with her transition and transphobic bigotry surrounding her- and this was at least 10-12 years ago. But, I did not appreciate being lied to at all. It ended up with our becoming good friends and I actually introduced her to a friend of mine and they have been together ever since. I have dated a MtF since and would again if we both had chemistry and common values along with mutual relationship goals and could belly laugh together. laughter. (OMG! - Can’t wait for the comments I might get for this disclosure! Between this and loving my female body with a pride as a masculine butch women and these kinds of disclosures usually brings out Butch-Card validity BS- which is SO weird when I think about just how gender-ignorant some can be on this very site and within this very community). Something rather humorous is that a close FtM friend that is an activist keeps trying to set me up with his MtF friends and I always know when James calls and the convo starts with.. “Seeing anyone right now?,” he wants me to go on a double date with his wife and a single woman they know that is most likely (not always) a MtF. I just think he and his wife just want me to find someone. Bozos! Good friends, however. At first when he was dating his wife it was about insecurity because she had a couple of LTRs with women. I called him on this - we had a good laugh and so did she and that took care of that. For a long time after his transitioning was in effect “complete,” he still had a difficult time believing that a woman would just love him as he was and had been. We all go through insecurities. I knew that his wife was not even the least bit interested in me in a romantic sense. Plus, that boundary is one I don’t cross- even when there is mutual attraction. So goes honor and the importance of truth with friends and lovers! Besides, I am a believer in the old adage of “if she will cheat with you, she will cheat on you.” Seen this come true far to many times eventually with friends and family.
Lies and lying have always just been a critical part of recognizing people as having dignity, integrity and honor. yet, I do sometimes struggle with my rigidity with this when it comes to gender identity as in this kind of interaction.
BUT, men posing as women and lesbians is just not OK. Women posing as men and being gay would not be OK for me, either in the context of a website. It's fraud, plain and simple as well as dishonesty at a very low level.
I have no idea why I am rambling on and on, other than I have had a bad pain day and on drugs… motor mouth font going on…