Lesbian sites actually done by men??

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by June

I don't think it's okay to misrepresent your gender online. Ever. Be who you are or don't show up.

I am so sick of people hiding behind the anonymity of the Internets. It is to the point where if I don't know you, and no one I know, knows you then what the hell are you trying to hide?

I know that sounds really cranky, doesn't it.

I should go back out to the garden now.

*Muttering "sorry" on the way out*

Might sound cranky, but I am with you on this 100%. I have become so much more cautious online due to this kind of activity. And also with meeting anyone connected with even our site! Just too many bizarre things have happened to me and people I do know in person. Although compared to people much younger than myself and generations that have had the internet as part of their lives much, much longer, my experiences are probably less in numbers.

I hate feeling this way sometimes because I enjoy and do have a positive connection with our site here and do read many folks as being most likely good people. Having gone to some conferences and social events when I could do so in the past had both positive and negative consequences, yet the positive outweighed the negative in making a couple of good friends that I do trust very much.

A long time ago- way back on the PNO personals area, I was lied to by a MtF concerning her gender. I did have some consideration for her in some ways about the difficulty she might be in with her transition and transphobic bigotry surrounding her- and this was at least 10-12 years ago. But, I did not appreciate being lied to at all. It ended up with our becoming good friends and I actually introduced her to a friend of mine and they have been together ever since. I have dated a MtF since and would again if we both had chemistry and common values along with mutual relationship goals and could belly laugh together. laughter. (OMG! - Can’t wait for the comments I might get for this disclosure! Between this and loving my female body with a pride as a masculine butch women and these kinds of disclosures usually brings out Butch-Card validity BS- which is SO weird when I think about just how gender-ignorant some can be on this very site and within this very community). Something rather humorous is that a close FtM friend that is an activist keeps trying to set me up with his MtF friends and I always know when James calls and the convo starts with.. “Seeing anyone right now?,” he wants me to go on a double date with his wife and a single woman they know that is most likely (not always) a MtF. I just think he and his wife just want me to find someone. Bozos! Good friends, however. At first when he was dating his wife it was about insecurity because she had a couple of LTRs with women. I called him on this - we had a good laugh and so did she and that took care of that. For a long time after his transitioning was in effect “complete,” he still had a difficult time believing that a woman would just love him as he was and had been. We all go through insecurities. I knew that his wife was not even the least bit interested in me in a romantic sense. Plus, that boundary is one I don’t cross- even when there is mutual attraction. So goes honor and the importance of truth with friends and lovers! Besides, I am a believer in the old adage of “if she will cheat with you, she will cheat on you.” Seen this come true far to many times eventually with friends and family.

Lies and lying have always just been a critical part of recognizing people as having dignity, integrity and honor. yet, I do sometimes struggle with my rigidity with this when it comes to gender identity as in this kind of interaction.

BUT, men posing as women and lesbians is just not OK. Women posing as men and being gay would not be OK for me, either in the context of a website. It's fraud, plain and simple as well as dishonesty at a very low level.

I have no idea why I am rambling on and on, other than I have had a bad pain day and on drugs… motor mouth font going on…

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

A long time ago- way back on the PNO personals area, I was lied to by a MtF concerning her gender.

Hmm... I friend of mine was lied to by an MTF in real life. I know it shouldn't matter, except that it mattered very much to my friend when they finally got down to it. With gender and sexuality issues I guess it's very hard to know where the line is, when do you tell someone that you are Trans, or gay, or even just that you are interested? One persons acceptable can be another's unforgivable.

What those two men did however is just wrong. Even without the moralising, it was still very very stupid.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Quintease

Hmm... I friend of mine was lied to by an MTF in real life. I know it shouldn't matter, except that it mattered very much to my friend when they finally got down to it. With gender and sexuality issues I guess it's very hard to know where the line is, when do you tell someone that you are Trans, or gay, or even just that you are interested? One persons acceptable can be another's unforgivable.

What those two men did however is just wrong. Even without the moralising, it was still very very stupid.

Yaknow, in reading all of this that is the one word that kept coming to me,

STUPID. What stupid fucks. But then again, they are getting lots of attention.

Could be brilliant.....

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by sassy_girl

Could be brilliant.....

Except it's not. It may have been very effective at highlighting the plight of homosexuals in Syria, unfortunately it has also put real gays and lesbian in danger.

[Leigh]

I don't get how anyone could be this stupid, but humans are like that and its unfortunate that the GLBT community has to be the brunt of so many cruel jokes and such ........... I feel sorry for those guys, its like they have no life and have nothing better to do than create these sites as a way of getting attention and its not the right kind

[Red Dirt Girl]

At Last, I want to rep you like in the old days where I got to tell you how fucking cool I think you are but I can't figure out how... I applaud your willingness to share your truths, even while expecting to get crap for them. Date whoever the hell you want to date and be proud of your body. Who could begrudge a person that? And fuck the pot-shooters.

Oh poo. This is in response to a post from a while back and I can't find it to quote it. Hopefully you know which one I'm referring to and I don't just sound like a rambling crazy person.

[Starrynightaw]

I just have one thing to say.

It's really easy to hide behind a screen and pretend to be something your not. One day you will end up meeting the people you deceive. I hope they have mercy on you. Cause I wouldn't.

Maybe they should "Try" being a better human.

Grr. My thoughts.

[girl_dee]

wait, people lie on the internet?

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by June

Atlast -- You know, I didn't even think about this when I posted. I was referring to cis-gendered (there's that word!) men posing as women and Lesbians. I was not in any way, shape or form referring to any of the women or men in our online or local communities.

I think I was posting in a bubble, because I sometimes forget when I am typing in this little box that my language is not necessarily the same as everyone elses (although, I don't know why it can't be! )

Women who live as women / Men who live as men do not fall into the same category for me as cis-gendered, heterosexuals pretending to be something they are not, and have not paid the price for. And no matter who we are, if we belong to this community, we have paid some kind of price for it.

I hope that clears things up.

Yeppers, it does.

And yes, we have paid a price, every one of us. It is interesting that my mind went to the place it did, but it all fits for mewhen I think about gender identity as it really is- multi-faceted, varied, complex and part of life.