[SelfMadeMan]

These conversations are never easy for me... since I was a small child, death was my biggest fear - still is I suppose. I used to be afraid to spend the night away from home as a child - I had this paralyzing fear that something would happen to my parents. I would get up at night sometimes and go check on them. Weird I know, but I think maybe it was a premonition that I would lose them sooner than I should - I was 24 when my Mom died, and lost my Dad two years later. It causes me physical pain when I think even briefly of something happening to Stacy. So it isn't even that I fear my own death, as much as I fear losing those I love.

All that being said - I would love to go WITH Stacy when we're very old, surrounded by our children and grandchildren so I can tell them all one more time (hopefully) that they were our greatest joy in life and how proud they've made us. I want our friends to know they were loved and appreciated as well. I want to have made a difference.

Neither of us want a funeral - we're adamant about that. I am not a religious person and don't want any type of religious ceremony held for me. I want any useable organs donated - I am a registered donor - and then cremate what's left and scatter my ashes somewhere beautiful... doesn't really matter where, although the Grand Canyon would be cool. I don't want any formal mourning event held for me... but a party. I want my life and memory to be celebrated with love and laughter, music and dancing. Matter of fact, I want to pre pay for a keg so I can buy my friends one more round