Quote:
Originally Posted by julieisafemme
I am engaged to a transman. I am still "lesbian identified". My partner does not define my sexuality. He is out as a transman and we live as a queer couple. Sometimes he "passes"'and sometimes he does not. He is a butch and I am a femme. Those are our primary IDs if you will. Sometimes we don't feel part of either the queer or trans community. We are not straight. I have read and had many discussions about that I need to change my sexual orientation to honor my partners gender. I have been told that I am transphobic because I am a lesbian. I'm pretty worn out trying to explain myself.
We fit in with all kinds of people. I have a long heterosexual world history and my partner has lived in the queer community since he was a baby butch. Right now we are both happy to know and love people who represent all sexualities and genders.
How do you fit in?
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Thank you so much for posting this! I think this is a really long discussion, and what I know in my 46 years on this earth is that there is no easy answer to who we are.
I know that I for one was straight until I came out as a lesbian, and then I lived the lesbian life for years and I realized that didn't fit me anymore than straight life fit me...My life didn't make sense until I met my husband 8 years ago...
All this said, I went from straight wife, single lesbian, to married trans-wife over the course of about 13 years...
In most facets of my life I haven't fit anywhere, but recently in my life as the wife of a TG spouse I am getting closer to normal.
You say you are lesbian Identified, and I totally understand this. The hardest part of becoming me was crossing heterosexuality, to my lesbian identity, and then to becoming the wife of a trans-man.
I feel like all my life I've been trying to become me, and in this last phase (and this IS the last phase) I have struggled to be "normal"...