Spouses/Partners of Transmen and transwomen...

[Mrs Arcstriker]

Originally Posted by julieisafemme

I am engaged to a transman. I am still "lesbian identified". My partner does not define my sexuality. He is out as a transman and we live as a queer couple. Sometimes he "passes"'and sometimes he does not. He is a butch and I am a femme. Those are our primary IDs if you will. Sometimes we don't feel part of either the queer or trans community. We are not straight. I have read and had many discussions about that I need to change my sexual orientation to honor my partners gender. I have been told that I am transphobic because I am a lesbian. I'm pretty worn out trying to explain myself.

We fit in with all kinds of people. I have a long heterosexual world history and my partner has lived in the queer community since he was a baby butch. Right now we are both happy to know and love people who represent all sexualities and genders.

How do you fit in?

Thank you so much for posting this! I think this is a really long discussion, and what I know in my 46 years on this earth is that there is no easy answer to who we are.

I know that I for one was straight until I came out as a lesbian, and then I lived the lesbian life for years and I realized that didn't fit me anymore than straight life fit me...My life didn't make sense until I met my husband 8 years ago...

All this said, I went from straight wife, single lesbian, to married trans-wife over the course of about 13 years...

In most facets of my life I haven't fit anywhere, but recently in my life as the wife of a TG spouse I am getting closer to normal.

You say you are lesbian Identified, and I totally understand this. The hardest part of becoming me was crossing heterosexuality, to my lesbian identity, and then to becoming the wife of a trans-man.

I feel like all my life I've been trying to become me, and in this last phase (and this IS the last phase) I have struggled to be "normal"...