[Parker]

Originally Posted by Arwen

Syr hits something for me here.

Why all the "does this make me butch/less butch/more butch" questions? Is it that hard to just be who you are? Don't compare yourself to others. Don't measure your......self against them.

Butchness, like femmeness, (while not being real words) isn't a quantifiable thing.

Can we have less talks that pivot on how butch/femme we are/aren't and more about what real community is?

I'm as femme as I need to be. My honey is as masculine as he needs to be. He suits my preferences. Everyone is not meant to be with everyone.

Be who you are and the one(s) meant to be with you will find you.

It really is that simple.

Sometimes we are hit with it when we are younger - like Rockinonahigh, I too was with someone who felt I should pack to be butch and I went through a period of packing a Mr. Softie and hard-packing because that's what I thought I was supposed to do - that's what I was being told that butch was - that a butch is supposed to pack and feel like their cock is a part of themselves. When I didnt feel that, I questioned my "butchness."

Sometimes we are hit with it on-line as well - when I see person after person after person talking about how butches are so connected to their cocks, etc, I end up feeling like an outsider looking in on a community to which I dont belong.

When I see people talking about the above - referencing all butches, etc. I think about the younger lesbians and butches (or those who might be older but just figuring things out) who might be lurking about, reading, wondering who they are and where they fit in.

That's why I post in threads like this - not to one-up anyone or put anyone down for who they are and what they do, or even to talk about who's more butch than who; but to show others that there isnt just ONE kind of butch out there - we dont all need to be male ID'd, pack, or bind - and no matter which kind of butch we are, we are all butch and none of us should ever be made to feel less than or like an outsider in our own community.