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Originally Posted by ruffryder
I know I've asked lots of questions to be answered already but here's more.. It will keep the thread busy 
FTM visibility, invisibility - thoughts , share stories, experiences?
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All the time. I see gay couples and want to reach out and go "HEY! Family!" It's one of the curse/blessings of T in that I can hide or blend for safety but that same ability means that trying to find community locally can be hard since it's not as obvious.
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Originally Posted by Greyson
I have been on T for 3.5 years and there are times I still get referred to as ma'am or lady by strangers. Like ank in my head "What part of me looks like a lady? Really?" Then my head goes to Why does your gut clench when someone genders you as a woman? Subtle stuff but there.
I know it is not the same for other Trans guys. This is how it is for me. I claim a third gender sort of thing. I cannot let go of my past. I am a pragmatic sort and I think it is political for me. I do not want to be invisible in terms of my queerness. I do not want straight people or queers to assume I am a cisman. So, why did I transition? It felt right for me and I experienced something in my life that was the final blow. I wanted FULL and Equal rights in the eyes of the law. Enough for now.
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From the point I started my beard to now, I haven't had the wrong pronouns. Society is very visual but part of the challenge (at least from what I've noticed) is how baby faced we can look. I find T resulted in me getting ID'd more often (especially when my head is shaved and no one can gauge my age based on the salt'n'pepper).
And agreed. I didn't transition to fit in. That's why I DIDN'T pursue this years ago. I transitioned for me so that my own skin would feel like home to me and not some stranger staring back in the mirror.
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Originally Posted by ruffryder
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Do we all use male restrooms here?
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Yes. And I sit. And never am I challenged on it. It does present challenges for when I'm out at sporting events where stalls are rarer but it highlights the last bit of my transition that I want to complete. (not fully phallo but hysto and metio likely)
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Originally Posted by Greyson
Yes, I am told often by my girlfriend that she thinks I am a hottie. The thing is, I don't believe it about myself. I struggle with fluxuations in my body weight. Always have since the day I was born. I was the heavier twin. Oops that is another thread.
And this brings to mind another thing I noticed when I was a child in elementary school. Why is it that men can be rather obese and still found desirable, sexual? Take a look around guys. What is in the movies, in real life? Big guys are referred to as "Big Guys, Portly, Strong." Large women get terms like "Fat B__tch, I wouldn't poke that......." You guys know the drill. How many times may we have discounted a woman because of her size? (You can throw in age with that too.)
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This is something of a challenge. Although K often says how hot I am (she likes teddy bear cuddly types), I often see myself like George Costanza (Seinfeld). I don't workout enough to be anything other than portly. All my life I've battled weight issues (too heavy) and as much as K likes this, she knows that I cannot maintain this (for health reasons). Now if I maintained the exercise regime I did when I was teaching at the college, I could look more along the lines of what the world expects of young men.
That said, there is a double standard, for sure. I'll age gracefully. I'll get the "high fives" for dating a women 16 years my junior. Nevermind that she has beauty, brains and brawn in one. Society is more interested in objectifying woman as only beauty objects rather than looking at the whole person they are. And the view that they need to be one way drives me insane.
For example, I'm watching Criminal Minds this morning and I've always found Garcia hot. It's all attitude and brains for me. Always.
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Originally Posted by weatherboi
When I met Snow I was on my was on my way to being anorexic from dysphoria. The more weight I lost the more I passed and no amount of weights I lifted or running I did was keeping up with the amount of weight I was losing and the gaunt appearance I was taking on. I wasn't seeing that. I was hyper focused with doing drive by quick glances in the mirror so I could get that validation from my physical appearance finally meeting up with what my brain sees I am. I was limiting my nutrition and doubling up on working out. I was breaking out all over and my asthma was at an all time high. One of the many dyphoric vortexes that I have been able to recognize over the years. Someone had asked earlier in the thread how the femmes/women in our lives have helped support us. Snow helped me out of that vortex. My body weight is now something I try not to make a big deal out of or I will get all caught up and starve myself. Other people battle dysphoria?
I get told I am hot in many different ways and I am glad I don't get compared to bio guys. Part of my dysphoria revolves around my disconnect with how I look in my head and how I look to the world.
Yes I use the mens bathroom and have been for some years. I always use a stall now. I have tried STP's and they all seem to malfunction eventually.
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I still battle some dysphoria but it's not as bad as it once was. I still want to get into shape (other than round, although that is a shape). Your experience makes me wonder sometimes if there is still some unexplored issue that I need to address in regards to my eating habits (then again, it could be that I'm just a geek who likes soda and video games too much).
And it's heartening to know that I'm not the only one who finds the STP a challenge in some way or another.