FTM place to vent and talk

[Linus]

Originally Posted by ruffryder

I know I've asked lots of questions to be answered already but here's more.. It will keep the thread busy



FTM visibility, invisibility - thoughts , share stories, experiences?

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All the time. I see gay couples and want to reach out and go "HEY! Family!" It's one of the curse/blessings of T in that I can hide or blend for safety but that same ability means that trying to find community locally can be hard since it's not as obvious.

Originally Posted by Greyson

I have been on T for 3.5 years and there are times I still get referred to as ma'am or lady by strangers. Like ank in my head "What part of me looks like a lady? Really?" Then my head goes to Why does your gut clench when someone genders you as a woman? Subtle stuff but there.

I know it is not the same for other Trans guys. This is how it is for me. I claim a third gender sort of thing. I cannot let go of my past. I am a pragmatic sort and I think it is political for me. I do not want to be invisible in terms of my queerness. I do not want straight people or queers to assume I am a cisman. So, why did I transition? It felt right for me and I experienced something in my life that was the final blow. I wanted FULL and Equal rights in the eyes of the law. Enough for now.

From the point I started my beard to now, I haven't had the wrong pronouns. Society is very visual but part of the challenge (at least from what I've noticed) is how baby faced we can look. I find T resulted in me getting ID'd more often (especially when my head is shaved and no one can gauge my age based on the salt'n'pepper).

And agreed. I didn't transition to fit in. That's why I DIDN'T pursue this years ago. I transitioned for me so that my own skin would feel like home to me and not some stranger staring back in the mirror.

Originally Posted by ruffryder

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Do we all use male restrooms here?
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Yes. And I sit. And never am I challenged on it. It does present challenges for when I'm out at sporting events where stalls are rarer but it highlights the last bit of my transition that I want to complete. (not fully phallo but hysto and metio likely)

Originally Posted by Greyson

Yes, I am told often by my girlfriend that she thinks I am a hottie. The thing is, I don't believe it about myself. I struggle with fluxuations in my body weight. Always have since the day I was born. I was the heavier twin. Oops that is another thread.

And this brings to mind another thing I noticed when I was a child in elementary school. Why is it that men can be rather obese and still found desirable, sexual? Take a look around guys. What is in the movies, in real life? Big guys are referred to as "Big Guys, Portly, Strong." Large women get terms like "Fat B__tch, I wouldn't poke that......." You guys know the drill. How many times may we have discounted a woman because of her size? (You can throw in age with that too.)

This is something of a challenge. Although K often says how hot I am (she likes teddy bear cuddly types), I often see myself like George Costanza (Seinfeld). I don't workout enough to be anything other than portly. All my life I've battled weight issues (too heavy) and as much as K likes this, she knows that I cannot maintain this (for health reasons). Now if I maintained the exercise regime I did when I was teaching at the college, I could look more along the lines of what the world expects of young men.

That said, there is a double standard, for sure. I'll age gracefully. I'll get the "high fives" for dating a women 16 years my junior. Nevermind that she has beauty, brains and brawn in one. Society is more interested in objectifying woman as only beauty objects rather than looking at the whole person they are. And the view that they need to be one way drives me insane.

For example, I'm watching Criminal Minds this morning and I've always found Garcia hot. It's all attitude and brains for me. Always.

Originally Posted by weatherboi

When I met Snow I was on my was on my way to being anorexic from dysphoria. The more weight I lost the more I passed and no amount of weights I lifted or running I did was keeping up with the amount of weight I was losing and the gaunt appearance I was taking on. I wasn't seeing that. I was hyper focused with doing drive by quick glances in the mirror so I could get that validation from my physical appearance finally meeting up with what my brain sees I am. I was limiting my nutrition and doubling up on working out. I was breaking out all over and my asthma was at an all time high. One of the many dyphoric vortexes that I have been able to recognize over the years. Someone had asked earlier in the thread how the femmes/women in our lives have helped support us. Snow helped me out of that vortex. My body weight is now something I try not to make a big deal out of or I will get all caught up and starve myself. Other people battle dysphoria?

I get told I am hot in many different ways and I am glad I don't get compared to bio guys. Part of my dysphoria revolves around my disconnect with how I look in my head and how I look to the world.

Yes I use the mens bathroom and have been for some years. I always use a stall now. I have tried STP's and they all seem to malfunction eventually.

I still battle some dysphoria but it's not as bad as it once was. I still want to get into shape (other than round, although that is a shape). Your experience makes me wonder sometimes if there is still some unexplored issue that I need to address in regards to my eating habits (then again, it could be that I'm just a geek who likes soda and video games too much).

And it's heartening to know that I'm not the only one who finds the STP a challenge in some way or another.

[Julien]

I would like to thank everyone for their insights to themselves, our society and our community. I'm learning a lot about you and what to expect and feel better about what I am experiencing as I go through my transition. As a way to better understand this journey, I am writing a manuscript about my own path to transitioning and it helps to have a place to come to that is safe and supportive to talk about a variety of issues pertaining to this. I have been getting very kind and supportive feedback from my earlier posts and I appreciate it very much. One person commented that it must be lonely for me to be in my particular situation. I must say that it is to a degree and I tend to isolate myself when I think that my outing myself as trans would cause some problem. However, I want to be true to myself and live the life I was meant to live. I am now 50 and do not want to be on the fringe. Someone in an earlier post asked whether we dated lesbians or straight women. I am attracted to the person who accepts me as I am. I personally would love to have a partner who is accepting of me as I am, even at this inbetween stage and will stay with me as I transition. It is something I want in my life. I had a Lady friend who told me I was gorgeous and masculine just the way I am right now and that really gave me a boost to my self esteem. I just wish she was my girlfriend. Thanks for this thread.

[Hominid]

I hope this doesn't seem like a platitude, but something I always said to myself that helped, a little, was "I don't need to know HOW I will make it, only THAT I will make it" - put one foot in front of the other. And remember how great it is that you have this option, that you will have the choice about how to be perceived and identify, and you WILL get to be an old man. The baby face does go away. The beard moves up from the neck (and remember, for the most part, only those in the community know what that neck beard thing is - it IS a clear sign to most of the world that you are male, even if it's a little funny looking - if it really bothers you, consider isolating some part of your hair - for me, it was long sideburns until more grew in). Treat yourself to razors and the process - stroll confidently into bathroom stalls and plop your ass down like every other guy who needs to sit for whatever reason. It is hard to feel in between, it was the hardest time for me, much harder than being female. But you're on the dredge up the hill with the sled - soon you'll be flying down the mountain on your own path.

Originally Posted by Julien

I would like to thank everyone for their insights to themselves, our society and our community. I'm learning a lot about you and what to expect and feel better about what I am experiencing as I go through my transition. As a way to better understand this journey, I am writing a manuscript about my own path to transitioning and it helps to have a place to come to that is safe and supportive to talk about a variety of issues pertaining to this. I have been getting very kind and supportive feedback from my earlier posts and I appreciate it very much. One person commented that it must be lonely for me to be in my particular situation. I must say that it is to a degree and I tend to isolate myself when I think that my outing myself as trans would cause some problem. However, I want to be true to myself and live the life I was meant to live. I am now 50 and do not want to be on the fringe. Someone in an earlier post asked whether we dated lesbians or straight women. I am attracted to the person who accepts me as I am. I personally would love to have a partner who is accepting of me as I am, even at this inbetween stage and will stay with me as I transition. It is something I want in my life. I had a Lady friend who told me I was gorgeous and masculine just the way I am right now and that really gave me a boost to my self esteem. I just wish she was my girlfriend. Thanks for this thread.

[Hominid]

Oh -Julien -

Another thing that REALLY, really helps - once you realize that straight people don't perceive you as trans, you may find it help a lot to spend an afternoon at a bookstore, or browsing Home Depot - anywhere with people, all by yourself. Every guy who ignores you or nods, every woman who ignores you or smiles at you, the little flirtations from the woman selling coffee (or guy) - it is extremely empowering when the rest of your life is more complex and filled with people transitioning along with you (in their perception of you).

Do it as soon as you can. It's a treat.

[BrutalDaddy]

Julien, I can totally get where you're coming from. In the "inbetween" stage myself in a lot of ways. Most of my family gets that I was born in wrong body but only few of them acknowledge it. Same with friends.

Depending on how my hair is cut, I'll either get Sir'ed or Ma'am'ed on a day to day basis. Not sure what the hell makes it one way or the other but I know it has to be more then just the looks. Maybe it's Ma'am when I'm having one of my "pitiful" me days. Lol. Who knows. And for the record I am NOT saying that when I'm all meek and mild that's when folks "see me as a female" so therefore that must be what I'm saying. No. What I am saying is when I carry myself with confidence and look folks in the eye and a square jaw, they tend to stick with their first instinct which is usually Sir. Only if I look away do they then go into the whole, "Oh shit Ma'am, I'm sorry. How can I help you Ma'am?"

Julien, I realize this is a bit off topic but I'm a lil slow sometimes (just ask the wife) and it just now dawned on me that you live very VERY close to 'sational and I. We'd love to get together for coffee sometime if you'd like? I won't be home for at least two more weeks but if you wanted to spend time with "family" before then, 'sational has time on her hands. I'm sure she'd love to meet up for some coffee. She'll take any excuse to drink coffee. Lol. Plus we both don't have a whole lotta rainbow family round here so it'd be pretty bad ass to not only have one but one from here!

No pressure at all. Lol. Just realized that must come across like some sales pitch or something. If so, sorry about that. Just pm one of us if ya want to and if not, totally get it.

As far as the inbetween stage goes, it's here for a while until I get some of my own personal shit squared away. Only way can consciously make decision to be on T and be doing it for the right reasons, i.e. for myself and not so society sees me for who I really am. It does suck sometimes because you're like caught in this midair jump that you can't go back on or finish so you're just left hanging there for now. Eh, that's life. Won't lie though, I do look forward to growing facial hair. Just once. Used to watch Hank (sperm donor whom the state calls my father) shave in the morning and I can remember just being so damn envious. I'm not talking in my teen years either but at the age of three and four. Would slather my face with shaving cream and use this really old shaving kit mom had found at a garage sale and gotten for me. Had no blade in it. God, I think she subconsciously knew even before I did.

Okay, rambled enough for this post. Thanks guys. Julien, let us know either way if you want? Again, no pressure at all. I'm serious.


Brute.


P.S. My wife gets confused when I call her 'sational so I'll just stick with her name, julie.

[Hominid]

Avatar Change 'cause I keep thinking "holy crap, did I post that?" and it's Brutal

[BrutalDaddy]

Originally Posted by Hominid

Avatar Change 'cause I keep thinking "holy crap, did I post that?" and it's Brutal

LOL. Sorry about that!

I chose this one cause I love monkeys and I wear glasses.



Four Eyed Monkey Lover,
Brute.


P.S. I love monkeys so much I even have a tatt of one. /End Derail.

[DMW]

I didn't really do anything to deserve all the thanks for the thread. There are other trans threads...and anyone of us could have done it.Plus, i had help from others here in starting it. Linus did more than i did really.

I haven't had time to read all of this...but, man do i have similar and different experiences going on inside my head while reading about all of you guys's. And the really thoughtful threads... i want to delve more into myself again and analyze and reflect more and go there...(need more self time hugh?) but, i have to save some energy. Don't have a whole lot of extra time. Some really thoughtful posts.

The one "ISSUE" that really disturbs me about the laws in our society... when it comes to being FTM or MTF...is how dangerous it can be for some of us who don't have the correct gender marker on our ID's.
i.e. One that reflects the sex in which people perceive us as... is really the safest.Personally, My gender marker on my ID is Male. I am lucky. But, for those of us who don't have that security...God that makes my skin boil! Seriously, society needs to understand how dangerous this is for trans people...and others and the laws should be changed in order to give each person the ability to CHOOSE what suits them. Burning precious energy...