When my two butch pals and I were single at the same time we started a social group (and this is not just a plug) called Butch/Femme Socials. The idea was that it's nice to meet online but how about meeting our target dating pool in person. So we opted to create meet ups that weren't just in bars, but around stuff to do: movies, dinners, poker, bowling, formal dances, etc. That way some of the pressure of one on one was taken off. Ten plus years, yeah, we're still going with less frequency to our parties/socials.
Yes, we even started Slut Night as one of our events but that is another story and it was great to hear it went to other butch/femme communities across the country.
I am polyamorous so that colors my dating a little differently. I still feel like Joe Dork Butch when I meet a new person for coffee or drinks. I don't feel like I am interviewing femmes but I do feel they have often had that style of dating. I want to hear what drives them, what was the best vacation they went on and why, I want to know what they're passionate about, I want to know what they've learned about __________fill in the blank with their choice of topic sex, relationships, the world, books, movies, etc.
I don't mind asking people out on dates or having them ask me--I may be butch and a Top but have at it....nothing ventured/nothing gained!
One of the things we learned from doing the Butch/Femme Socials is--having greeters at our events so that everyone was made to feel welcome. It's incredibly brave to walk into a bar or dance and not know anyone and dying to meet so and so across the room. So we do the middle school hook up <g> and make sure people meet each other.
I'll spare you the details of how we got these events off the ground but create an event and they will come has been our experience. Yes, we live in Gay Mecca--San Francisco and there's 500 plus on our mailing list but still, people are still shy. MANY have moved here---why try to lure your potential date to not only a community with few butch/femme let alone Gays, but move to where the fishing is easier.
As to being Googled---um, if you have nothing to hide then who cares and if you want to get your personal info. off there, you can do that too with regular maintenance.
Bad first dates, oh yeah. Great first dates, yeah had those too. Yes, I'd love to put that book together. Some want to be "friends" first, that doesn't work for me--friends are who I watch the game with not make out with. Some don't want to label it a date, well then we might as well be two people baking cookies--it's a date. I can usually tell on the first date whether there's anything I want to pursue, nerves aside, I can tell.
Rope--
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