Everything you wanted to know about dating...

Rope · 11-16-2012, 12:13 AM

When my two butch pals and I were single at the same time we started a social group (and this is not just a plug) called Butch/Femme Socials. The idea was that it's nice to meet online but how about meeting our target dating pool in person. So we opted to create meet ups that weren't just in bars, but around stuff to do: movies, dinners, poker, bowling, formal dances, etc. That way some of the pressure of one on one was taken off. Ten plus years, yeah, we're still going with less frequency to our parties/socials.

Yes, we even started Slut Night as one of our events but that is another story and it was great to hear it went to other butch/femme communities across the country.

I am polyamorous so that colors my dating a little differently. I still feel like Joe Dork Butch when I meet a new person for coffee or drinks. I don't feel like I am interviewing femmes but I do feel they have often had that style of dating. I want to hear what drives them, what was the best vacation they went on and why, I want to know what they're passionate about, I want to know what they've learned about __________fill in the blank with their choice of topic sex, relationships, the world, books, movies, etc.

I don't mind asking people out on dates or having them ask me--I may be butch and a Top but have at it....nothing ventured/nothing gained!

One of the things we learned from doing the Butch/Femme Socials is--having greeters at our events so that everyone was made to feel welcome. It's incredibly brave to walk into a bar or dance and not know anyone and dying to meet so and so across the room. So we do the middle school hook up <g> and make sure people meet each other.

I'll spare you the details of how we got these events off the ground but create an event and they will come has been our experience. Yes, we live in Gay Mecca--San Francisco and there's 500 plus on our mailing list but still, people are still shy. MANY have moved here---why try to lure your potential date to not only a community with few butch/femme let alone Gays, but move to where the fishing is easier.

As to being Googled---um, if you have nothing to hide then who cares and if you want to get your personal info. off there, you can do that too with regular maintenance.

Bad first dates, oh yeah. Great first dates, yeah had those too. Yes, I'd love to put that book together. Some want to be "friends" first, that doesn't work for me--friends are who I watch the game with not make out with. Some don't want to label it a date, well then we might as well be two people baking cookies--it's a date. I can usually tell on the first date whether there's anything I want to pursue, nerves aside, I can tell.

Rope--

Dude · 11-16-2012, 09:08 AM

maybe friend means different things to different people?

what I am talking about is someone being
interested in you as a person not just a sex partner

someone who will care about your well being
who is supportive of outside friendships
who has and nurtures their own

someone who cares about your dreams and does not
expect you to give them up for their dreams
someone who knows how to be there in hard times
outside of the bed
who lives their life with integrity
someone who is willing to compromise ,sometimes

someone you can have faith in at all times
and in all circumstances
someone who knows how to play and has a sense of humor

that takes time to learn outside and separate from
the beginning lust stuff

the whole fucking enchilada
that's what I'm talking about
not just a hook up

but "relationship material"

Gráinne · 11-16-2012, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dude

maybe friend means different things to different people?

what I am talking about is someone being
interested in you as a person not just a sex partner

someone who will care about your well being
who is supportive of outside friendships
who has and nurtures their own

someone who cares about your dreams and does not
expect you to give them up for their dreams
someone who knows how to be there in hard times
outside of the bed
who lives their life with integrity
someone who is willing to compromise ,sometimes

someone you can have faith in at all times
and in all circumstances
someone who knows how to play and has a sense of humor

that takes time to learn outside and separate from
the beginning lust stuff

the whole fucking enchilada
that's what I'm talking about
not just a hook up

but "relationship material"

Agree. Don't get me wrong; lust is great

. A sexual chemistry is what differentiates a potential partner from just a friend. It's important to me that a partner enjoys that erotic connection (with me!)

But I also want someone who will be my buddy. Someone I can lean on and who can come to me as well. Without that friendship, sex becomes just an act.

11-16-2012, 12:13 AM	#1
Rope Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Hy Relationship Status: polyamorous Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 304 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 79 Thanked 1,277 Times in 212 Posts Rep Power: 8577864	When my two butch pals and I were single at the same time we started a social group (and this is not just a plug) called Butch/Femme Socials. The idea was that it's nice to meet online but how about meeting our target dating pool in person. So we opted to create meet ups that weren't just in bars, but around stuff to do: movies, dinners, poker, bowling, formal dances, etc. That way some of the pressure of one on one was taken off. Ten plus years, yeah, we're still going with less frequency to our parties/socials. Yes, we even started Slut Night as one of our events but that is another story and it was great to hear it went to other butch/femme communities across the country. I am polyamorous so that colors my dating a little differently. I still feel like Joe Dork Butch when I meet a new person for coffee or drinks. I don't feel like I am interviewing femmes but I do feel they have often had that style of dating. I want to hear what drives them, what was the best vacation they went on and why, I want to know what they're passionate about, I want to know what they've learned about __________fill in the blank with their choice of topic sex, relationships, the world, books, movies, etc. I don't mind asking people out on dates or having them ask me--I may be butch and a Top but have at it....nothing ventured/nothing gained! One of the things we learned from doing the Butch/Femme Socials is--having greeters at our events so that everyone was made to feel welcome. It's incredibly brave to walk into a bar or dance and not know anyone and dying to meet so and so across the room. So we do the middle school hook up <g> and make sure people meet each other. I'll spare you the details of how we got these events off the ground but create an event and they will come has been our experience. Yes, we live in Gay Mecca--San Francisco and there's 500 plus on our mailing list but still, people are still shy. MANY have moved here---why try to lure your potential date to not only a community with few butch/femme let alone Gays, but move to where the fishing is easier. As to being Googled---um, if you have nothing to hide then who cares and if you want to get your personal info. off there, you can do that too with regular maintenance. Bad first dates, oh yeah. Great first dates, yeah had those too. Yes, I'd love to put that book together. Some want to be "friends" first, that doesn't work for me--friends are who I watch the game with not make out with. Some don't want to label it a date, well then we might as well be two people baking cookies--it's a date. I can usually tell on the first date whether there's anything I want to pursue, nerves aside, I can tell. Rope-- __________________ www.ButchFemmeSocials.com

11-16-2012, 09:08 AM	#2
Dude Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Perusing Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: exit 5 with an exit 21 goal Posts: 1,725 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,351 Thanked 10,605 Times in 1,477 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	maybe friend means different things to different people? what I am talking about is someone being interested in you as a person not just a sex partner someone who will care about your well being who is supportive of outside friendships who has and nurtures their own someone who cares about your dreams and does not expect you to give them up for their dreams someone who knows how to be there in hard times outside of the bed who lives their life with integrity someone who is willing to compromise ,sometimes someone you can have faith in at all times and in all circumstances someone who knows how to play and has a sense of humor that takes time to learn outside and separate from the beginning lust stuff the whole fucking enchilada that's what I'm talking about not just a hook up but "relationship material"