I grew up with alcoholics everywhere in my family. It effects how and what you think forever. I tended then, as now, to be a fixer. I was the one who handled things. I picked up pieces and put them back together. The problem is - they didn't appreciate it then. (People don't appreciate it now either lol because I tend to pick people who just can't. Ah, the sick and twisted tapes.) I stopped speaking to my mother years ago because she is abusive and unsafe. I didn't have a choice growing up. As an adult I do have choices. I still don't always make the right ones. It's hard when you grow up in chaos to know who, what and when to trust or believe.
One thing that I heard though, and this is truth so read it over and over again, "You don't have the right to take a person's bottom away from them."
In order for a person to hit bottom which is the only hope of them ever getting sober everyone needs to stop enabling. All of it. It happens naturally sometimes because they tend to piss people off and so the people close to them eventually walk away. It's hard enough to do when you are in a relationship with someone. When you have been raised by the person to do exactly what you are doing - that imo - is much more difficult. Years of programming isn't undone overnight. It helped me to realize that in enabling them I am taking away the very thing that might actually save their life.
We didn't cause it, we can't control it and it will never make sense. Definately go to Alanon as other people suggested.
|