Hello to all,
As someone suffering from Gender Dysphoria and having opted for not having sex reassignment surgery, I've decided to share with you the reasons why I don't do it.
I have researched extensively and pondered all the pros and cons that might come with it and I have made a lot of introspection in order to take a decision. After a long time, I decided it was better to keep the body I have and take good care of it.
I'm also divided about packing and other such methods.
Don't get me wrong... I hate my body and I'm thoroughly ashamed of it to the point I refuse to have sex with my SO with the lights on.
As much as I would love to change my body, I'm someone who looks at things objectively instead of jumping the gun and doing some kind of madness such as trying to mutilate myself.
My reasons for not "changing" are several as I said. I'll try to explain this as good as I can.
Pros - Match my mental and soul image.
Cons - Where to start?
Testosterone treatment: so much can go so wrong with the body that it's not even funny. Even with naturally high T, my doctor told me it would be best not to do it due to the cyclic cysts I have. It could increase them or worse. I decided not to do it.
Sex reassignment surgery: I have done extensive research in this and the results of FtM surgery are simply not satisfying to me.
Between the massive scarring, the chance of tissue rejection, the chance of necrosis, lack of any feeling, loss of ability to feel pleasure, etc... the risks and cons in this are so many that I simply threw it out of the window.
Come back to me when it's possible to use my stem cells and DNA scaffolding to grow a penis in lab and attach it safely to me. Maybe not in my lifetime but perhaps in the future this will be possible.
Binding my chest: As much as I would love a flat chest, I'm not about to turn my boobs into smashed pancakes. Let them be there and as perky as they want. The only way they go is if I get cancer risk.
Packing: This one brings so many mixed feelings to me it's not even funny.
Packing would enable me to get a penis, scrotum and balls... especially if I save up and get one of the pack&play from
Lola Jake's. I would look down and see something somewhat realistic hanging in there, especially if glued (no harness).
However, at the end of the day, it's not really "mine". It's something, glued to me that gives me some feeling by stimulating my clitoris and pleasure to my SO by penetration... but it still comes off my body as it is not mine.
This "it's not mine" thought is what drives me absolutely nuts...
I'm absolutely sure I don't want to go under the knife due to the procedure having more cons than pros. I take my hat off to those who, even with the odds being nasty, still go through the FtM surgery and risk all the ailments that can come from T injections.
Perhaps I will pack in the future but I won't be binding. As much as I hate my body, it's the only body I have and I have to take good care of it, not mutilate it or hurt it.
It's as much my body's fault that it is female as it is my fault that I was born this way. I don't want to be hurt for being who I am, why would I hurt my own body for being what it is?
Yes, my body fitting the mental image I have of it would be nice... but I simply see no reasonable or safe way to do so. As such, I will take good care of what I have and live my life to the best of my abilities.
And maybe.. who knows... maybe I poke Lola Jake in the future... I'm not adverse to the hermaphrodite "look"...
