[Nic]

Originally Posted by Daktari

I rarely give my real opinion on anything heavy on this or any other site; well, especially this site because I'm not active on any others nowadays.

Yassee, I'm a Brit, have ya noticed? ...and there are so many cultural differences in how we live and express ourselves that it's just safer to keep schtum and stick to the fluffy threads most of the time. I do make forays in the more sexual threads from time to time; although sometimes speaking in those threads can be fraught with the risk of judgement from others, that's mainly in my head I reckon but it still stops me saying some things.
Like HB I'm super open about sex, sexuality and my enjoyment of it, however I keep that for real life, rather than these fora generally.

I have observed the dog-piling both here and on the one you lot call the dash site and it's not pretty. I've also seen it and been part of one particularly notable dog-pile on a UK site - I left it shortly after. In that instance we were backing up the site 'owner' from a vengeful ex and hys easily led (international) friend.

I'm one opinionated dood and despite being a wordsmith, oft times find myself without the words to 'defend' such opinions and to be totally honest, also sometimes lack the depth & breadth of knowledge about a given subject. Under 'pressure' I'm reduced to a babbling idiot. I like to learn though and tend to feel uncomfortable asking the questions here because 'do the work yourself' is meaningless when unaware of the work necessary to 'get upto speed' with the rest.
In real life, face to face, when intention and tone is more easily ascertained, I'll put forward said opinions and be prepared to back up what I think and also learn from others.

A couple of sites I've been part of have 'pet academics' that come in to blind everyone with academic writing when all hell has broken loose about a given subject ...this usually calms or shuts down a heated conversation because most participants can't debate on phd levels.

As a newcomer to an international site it took a long time to carve my own little niche and feel comfortable posting, even in the fluffy threads.

Bit of a mish mash of unfinished thoughts there I'm afraid, but hey, tha's how I roll on a Thursday morning.

Feel a bit of this myself. "Do the work" is fair enough IF you know what the work is in the first place. Being a newbie and seeing an (IMO) over reaction to naïveté or honest ignorance has changed my mind about posting couple of times. Probably better off limiting myself to reading anyway. Doesn't come with the same opportunities to carry my ass in my hands as posting does. Don't mind being smacked when I'm being a brick. Don't appreciate being smacked WITH a brick either, especially when my question is a legitimate search for info or honest ignorance. Intentions pave a lot of roads, not just the one to hell. Lots of well intentioned people say-do stupid crap. Some get on my nerves because they're lazy. Rest are just clueless. Speaking up in either case is well and good until education turns into a display of superiority. Being an ass won't improve anything. Think we speak up because we want change. I'm not getting anywhere if I open the dialogue by driving a wedge between me and the person I'm trying reach. Not advocating laying down in the face of shitty behavior-comments. But generally what I dish out is what I can expect back. Think it's normal for people to get bristley when someone (or a bunch of someones) comes at them with a 2x4. The surprise some people express over defensivness in others feels disingenuous IMO. Who hasn't been defensive? We all know how we get there. I know what response I'll get if I choose the "bend over bitch" route to slapping someone down versus the "foreplay first" path. Hypocritical to say I wouldn't be ruffled if someone came on, guns ablazing, to tell me how wrong I am about something. If someone says "Hey listen Nic..." I'm listening immediately. Takes me longer if I get the "Hey Moron" opener.