Hi, Red.
If there's an LGBT center in your area where you feel comfortable, I would start by making an appointment with a counselor who can advise you and your partner on how to start this process.
I would also make a plan to see that person regularly, so you can check in with someone who has a sense of your context and recent history, to help you grounded as you navigate through what might be an unpredictable and volatile situation.
Your instinct to reach out for advice is really healthy. I hope you find a competent, compassionate and knowledgeable person to help you make the right choices about how to communicate all this to your family and loved ones.
Ginger
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Reach out.
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