Quote:
Originally Posted by Kobi
There are at least two different threads in the FemmeZone that address the ways in which a partner transitioning has caused different types problems for female partners. They have also addressed how they have felt silenced or unable to speak to the changes this poses for them and why.
Theo has spoken to how it is not unusual for relationships to not survive the transition.
I think it is unfair to Femmes to label the impact of transitioning on them as something transphobic.
To do so is to deny their experience, the difficulties they speak of, the internal discourse they go thru, the challenges the transition poses to their own identify, and the lack of support they feel for what THEY are going through.
Transitioning does not occur in a vacuum. It impacts partners, children, parents, siblings, friends, coworkers etc.
This is also not unique to transpersons. People coming out as homosexual also impact those around them as well. Seeing most of us started there, it is or should be something we are very familiar with.
I think to label this very human reaction to a big and perhaps unexpected and unwanted change as a "phobia" is wrong. At times like this, people are struggling, questioning, feeling very alone and very unsupported. What they need is to be able to talk and share and not have to filter what they are going thru for fear of being called some kind of phobia.
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Ok, here we go. You have swept a really broad brush and I feel the need to deal with this paint job.
1. To me, as a Transman AND a feminist, the statement that I had an issue with was transphobic. I stand by that. What post is in what thread and by whom does not change my opinion. Kobe, I of all people know what transitioning entails and the impact it can have when not handled with sensitivity to all parties involved. I also know that when handled well, while it may be difficult transitioning doesn't always lead to harm.
I prefaced my comment, with an acknowledgment that "transphobic" has been at times misused. A person, no matter how they identify has a right to express an opinion. And another has a right to agree or respectfully disagree.
2. The part that I called out struck me as coming from a negative starting point. I am keenly aware that everyone connected with the person transitioning will be affected in some way. Of course it doesn't happen in a vacuum. But to see that the focus is on the harm we do to ourselves and bring to others does not sit well at all, especially on a site that includes and welcomes us.
3. I am pretty sure it would not sit well with you if you came and saw a post dealing with the harm femist/feminism bring to themselves and their families and friends.
4. I am all for discussion. And I believe that all involved should work it through. Part of what makes the transition difficult or easier is when there is the presence or absence of honest dialogue. But please do not refer to transgendering or transitioning as if it were harmful. That is where I take issue. Therefore, I took issue with the part I called out.
5. What is unfair is when transitioning is considered harmful. Transitioning can be painful. That doesn't make it harmful. There is loss. That doesn't make it harmful. The difficulty, the struggles, the raw emotions does not mean the process is harmful or that the transgendered person brought harm. There may be individuals who handle the journey of transitioning poorly. And in those cases harm may have been done. I acknowledge that. But my issue is the broad generality of harm being equated with transitioning.
There is more I could say on this but I will stop here.