[Logicaly]

Since we are starting to share our stories, and I know how some times sharing stories and experiences can be beneficial to others, here is my story...

It all started on a dark and stormy night....well not really.

It probably started way back in Kindergarten, and I just never realized it. I never wanted to wear the dresses that my parents wanted me to. I never wanted to be on the girls teams for any games of tag, and I certainly never wanted to play with barbies, I wanted the GI Joes. On the rare days I did have to wear a dress, like school picture days, I would cry, and cry...it just felt so wrong. Then when puberty started...I hated myself, and I hated life for being so cruel to me and I didn't understand why it had to happen and be the way that it was. I just wanted it to end. I used to fantasize about being a guy, as early as 2nd grade, it just felt more natural to me. I felt like a freak, all through elementary school, like something was wrong with me, and I was carrying this dirty secret.

It wasn't until high school that I started exploring things more. I started coming out to very close friends as bi-sexual, letting a few very close female friends know that I was into them, and having them be into me, helped make that feel even better. Also, in high school I started going online and pretending to be a boy. I know that wasn't the most honest thing to do, but as a teenager, struggling with figuring out who they are, and feeling like a freak of nature, it was all I could do. I had a few girlfriends, while pretending to be this guy online and being seen as a guy, never felt more right. At the same time, the fact that it felt right, just made me feel more like something was wrong with me, after all, what kind of person wants to be a gender other than the one they are, right?

It wasn't until just after college, that I met a woman who was in the process of her own transition, that showed me that it was okay to be the person I felt that I was. She allowed me to publicly be the man that I always felt I was. It was at that point I started exploring it more in my personal life, although it was still a few years until I was able to tell my family. I was terrified to tell my Dad. We always worry about the things we shouldn't though. My Dad, and my family have all been amazingly supportive of me.

So I started hormone therapy about 5, maybe 6 years ago now. I started on a very low dose injection and have worked my way up to 1.5mL. I am terrified of needles, so I don't do my own injections. I have an amazingly supportive partner who does them for me, and she is so great that I don't even feel them generally. There was a time there where I didn't stay on schedule as much as I should, so my levels have fluctuated a bit, but now that my current partner is doing them for me, we are staying on schedule and things are moving along again.

I have been living publicly as a male, both at work, and in every aspect of my life for 5 years now as well. I have had my name legally changed, both first and middle. I took my grandfathers first name as my middle name, in honor of him after he passed. My drivers license was also changed to male as well. So now I am currently working on saving for top surgery. My insurance is Kaiser, and they would cover it, if I went with a surgeon in their network...but I want the best, so I am willing to pay out of pocket for it. We have worked out a plan to hopefully be ready to pay for it, by March of 2016. At this time, I have no desire to have any other surgeries. I do not like the end result looks of the genital surgeries, so unless I see some advancements on that, that likely won't happen for me, and I am okay with that.

As I mentioned before, I am really blessed to have such a supportive partner. She supports me in every aspect of it, and takes an active role in my transition. My family is also very amazing, I can't explain how good it feels to hear my Dad call me his son, my sister her brother and my nephew his uncle.