09-12-2012, 09:51 AM | #1 |
Junior Member
How Do You Identify?:
baby dyke Preferred Pronoun?:
she/her/lover Relationship Status:
single Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 6
Thanks: 3
Thanked 26 Times in 5 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
social cues
Does anyone else have trouble.. signalling their orientation and gender identity to other lesbians?
I realize that sounds kind of odd, but it's something I struggle with a lot. There is nothing distinctly queer about the way I present myself, and I feel like this is something that's important in meeting other queers because it's really awkward to just announce HI I'M GAY, ARE YOU? This probably aligns itself in a lot of ways to femme invisibility. I see lots of other lesbians day to day on the bus and the street and on campus and I wish there was just some way of making some small connection that says "Hey! I recognize you and we have something in common!" |
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to lesbrarian For This Useful Post: |
09-12-2012, 10:07 AM | #2 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?:
My name always works Relationship Status:
Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Little Rock
Posts: 1,818
Thanks: 2,011
Thanked 7,245 Times in 1,415 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
I look like SoccerMom. In fact, for a long time, I was one . And while being gay certainly isn't all I am, it's an obviously big part. I also don't introduce myself with "Hi, I'm gay!" So I get it.
The only time anyone is sure, is at Reunion or Pride (but many straight people go to Pride, so that's not even a good example). If you are in college, there's probably a GLBQ club on campus and you can find community there. Some find the courage to wear a rainbow something on their clothing, but that's not even a foolproof method. It's hard! You made a good start by coming here .
__________________
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck
|
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to Gráinne For This Useful Post: |
09-12-2012, 10:10 AM | #3 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
femme Preferred Pronoun?:
she Relationship Status:
Married Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: rose cottage
Posts: 5,511
Thanks: 8,459
Thanked 15,648 Times in 3,986 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
try being a lesbian dating a man....but he is a twister like I am too. People see him as a gay man. Its all confusing to the people around us, except to my family. They get us completely.
__________________
Pole bachit, a lis chuye.
The field sees, the forest hears |
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Soft*Silver For This Useful Post: |
09-12-2012, 10:17 AM | #4 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She or Goddess Relationship Status:
Settled in Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Edmonton Alberta
Posts: 1,322
Thanks: 2,849
Thanked 5,328 Times in 1,045 Posts
Rep Power: 21474850 |
Sometimes it is as simple as how you look at or acknowledge other lesbians. Smiling and acknowledging in recognition. I am not sure how to explain that exactly, it is just something that I do.
I don't "look" gay at all, I guess it's that Femme invisibility. But, I have never had trouble being recognized. I will often wear a rainbow pendant I have and I have seen quite a few other Femme's who wear different pendants out and about. But, I think the most important thing is to get to know the community. Go to different events, volunteer for gay organizations, get yourself out there. I was recently at a classic rock festival and I was standing in line and a woman behind me started chatting with me, neither of us looked gay, she noticed my rainbow necklace and grabbed it while pushing her tits into me and mentioned how she was new to the city and how difficult it was to meet people. I agreed with her and then explained how lucky I was to have found the Woman I want to spend my life with. She laughed and said, "was I really that obvious". We both laughed about it and then I told her about some local events. It was the pendant that caught her attention and was the "clue or cue" for her.
__________________
Creativity is a drug I can't do without. -Cecil B. DeMille |
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to laruss For This Useful Post: |
09-12-2012, 10:19 AM | #5 | |
Junior Member
How Do You Identify?:
baby dyke Preferred Pronoun?:
she/her/lover Relationship Status:
single Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 6
Thanks: 3
Thanked 26 Times in 5 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
I was involved with the campus queer group for a while, but unfortunately have broken ties because of differences/lack of inclusiveness. Almost all of the lesbians I have that are my age in this community are really aggressive in some questionable politics (men are evil, monogamy is slavery, etc.) that I don't want to be involved in. I've been trying to seek out any other local groups, but they seem very impromptu - older dykes that have been in the city a long time and know lots of people. Which is great, and it would be awesome to talk to them. |
|
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to lesbrarian For This Useful Post: |
09-12-2012, 10:25 AM | #6 | |
Junior Member
How Do You Identify?:
baby dyke Preferred Pronoun?:
she/her/lover Relationship Status:
single Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 6
Thanks: 3
Thanked 26 Times in 5 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
I always try to smile when I recognize someone, I just get nervous that I might send the wrong message. I read an article once about a bi femme who was frustrated with finding community with other queers because she was dating a man. She told the story of smiling at a lesbian couple while she was waiting in line at a movie, and receiving dirty looks back because they thought she was patronizing them. But, as I'm learning, you can't control how other people think of you. It's worth a shot! |
|
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to lesbrarian For This Useful Post: |
09-12-2012, 10:34 AM | #7 |
MILLION $$$ PUSSY
How Do You Identify?:
Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
Iconic Ms. Relationship Status:
Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: ** La Reina del Sur**
Posts: 22,488
Thanks: 32,231
Thanked 80,119 Times in 15,678 Posts
Rep Power: 21474873 |
Thoughts
I tend to be outed as soon as I speak, I'm a queer Femme that's hard to hide and stick out in a sea of feminine presentation. I like to think that's it's my politics, women empowered thinking and my Leather dynamics that make it so. My Pack thinks it's evolution in it's finest form.
__________________
"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden |
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to The_Lady_Snow For This Useful Post: |
09-12-2012, 10:35 AM | #8 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her Relationship Status:
Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: West Coast
Posts: 8,258
Thanks: 39,306
Thanked 40,791 Times in 7,290 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
It is always a problem when one is femme because we "look" straight.
You have to go to places where there are other lesbians. Do you have MeetUps? You can find them online or you can start your own! Where I live, there are tons. All ages and all types of activities.
__________________
~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner |
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to *Anya* For This Useful Post: |
09-12-2012, 10:37 AM | #9 |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
dee Relationship Status:
Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Livin’ the Dream
Posts: 24,079
Thanks: 30,560
Thanked 54,958 Times in 13,923 Posts
Rep Power: 21474873 |
Rainbow tattoo on the forehead and a 2x4 helps.
|
The Following 25 Users Say Thank You to girl_dee For This Useful Post: |
09-12-2012, 10:38 AM | #10 | |
Junior Member
How Do You Identify?:
baby dyke Preferred Pronoun?:
she/her/lover Relationship Status:
single Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 6
Thanks: 3
Thanked 26 Times in 5 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
|
|
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to lesbrarian For This Useful Post: |
09-12-2012, 10:47 AM | #11 |
MILLION $$$ PUSSY
How Do You Identify?:
Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
Iconic Ms. Relationship Status:
Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: ** La Reina del Sur**
Posts: 22,488
Thanks: 32,231
Thanked 80,119 Times in 15,678 Posts
Rep Power: 21474873 |
Heh
Well, I'm a lil bias with that particular opinion..
__________________
"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to The_Lady_Snow For This Useful Post: |
09-16-2012, 09:28 PM | #12 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Preferred Pronoun?:
Hy Relationship Status:
polyamorous Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 304
Thanks: 79
Thanked 1,279 Times in 212 Posts
Rep Power: 8577863 |
I've had femmes walk across a smoking room at the airport and ask for a light to give me a "hint" that we might have something in common besides smoking....It's hard to bold but sometimes, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
Rope-- |
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Rope For This Useful Post: |
09-16-2012, 09:38 PM | #13 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Dude Preferred Pronoun?:
He, Him Relationship Status:
Taken Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Hidden Valley Ranch
Posts: 3,510
Thanks: 6,220
Thanked 11,244 Times in 2,753 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
I think if I saw someone pull a 2 x 4 our of their purse in my presence, I would get the hint...hopefully before being wapped in the head... lol
__________________
. You cannot embrace those things that will not embrace you back.
|
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to SleepyButch For This Useful Post: |
09-16-2012, 11:35 PM | #14 |
Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
sb Relationship Status:
Single Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: the earth
Posts: 36
Thanks: 32
Thanked 78 Times in 26 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
That was funny. But sometimes even after using your 2x4 that the person will come out of their stupor, And still not believe you are gay. I agree with all of the suggestions given though. I just thought the 2x4 idea was funny. |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to bcelly1894 For This Useful Post: |
10-04-2012, 06:57 AM | #15 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Lil' Miss Sassy Pants Preferred Pronoun?:
She/her Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: My place by the river
Posts: 3,380
Thanks: 6,734
Thanked 14,181 Times in 3,024 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Yup. One time I was wearing a t-shirt that said "I like your beaver" with a cute (picture of a beaver on it - but still) and a rainbow bead necklace, and someone still told me they weren't sure if I was a lesbian.
|
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to easygoingfemme For This Useful Post: |
10-04-2012, 08:10 AM | #16 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Queer femme submissive Relationship Status:
Married Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: UK
Posts: 969
Thanks: 1,449
Thanked 4,261 Times in 677 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
You would think that, in this day and age, one wouldn't have to 'look like' a lesbian to be recognized as one by one's own community.
I mean, what exactly does a lesbian look like or are we ourselves guilty of perputating the myth that there's only one way to be lesbian, namely, the way usually portrayed by straight folk (think truck driver sporting a mullet and wearing a rainbow coloured t-shirt)? I don't know. Perhaps it's the circle I move in or the small town where I live (disproportionate number of queers) but when I look at a woman, then assuming she's not clearly with a guy, I never assume that she's straight...seems only fair given that I hate it when folks assume that I am. Words |
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Words For This Useful Post: |
10-04-2012, 08:14 AM | #17 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
.Butch. Join Date: May 2010
Location: .Maine.
Posts: 1,254
Thanks: 1,777
Thanked 3,609 Times in 929 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
All this time, I been looking for the wrong signs !
__________________
You will always be fond of me. I represent all the sins you never had the courage to commit.--Oscar Wilde Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.--Oscar Wilde I want to fill my mouth with your name.— Pablo Neruda |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to -Red-Flag- For This Useful Post: |
10-04-2012, 08:16 AM | #18 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme lesbian Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: East coast
Posts: 2,416
Thanks: 5,829
Thanked 12,309 Times in 2,057 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
I guess I don't care if strangers "get" me. I only care if people I know, "get" me. And if they know me, they get me (sorry for the circuitous logic, it's the best I can do...).
|
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Ginger For This Useful Post: |
10-04-2012, 07:20 PM | #19 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Happy Preferred Pronoun?:
she Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: planet Earth
Posts: 682
Thanks: 1,679
Thanked 1,597 Times in 433 Posts
Rep Power: 5678216 |
Guess I'll go Google some type of pendent to wear! Hopefully, along with my direct eye contact, and "knowing" smile, I'll maybe attract some new friends
Signed..... still a hippy at heart single lesbian |
05-20-2013, 07:04 PM | #20 |
Junior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Queerdo Lady Unit Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
Single Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 76
Thanks: 33
Thanked 201 Times in 65 Posts
Rep Power: 978930 |
I guess I look "very straight" to people, so I definitely do have trouble signalling lol.
__________________
“Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open.” - Albus Dumbledore
|
The Following User Says Thank You to Chelsius For This Useful Post: |
|
|