|
Finding Your People - Special Groups Are you a member of AA? Neurodiverse? a Vegan? Find your people here! |
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
|
02-09-2012, 07:58 PM | #1 |
Moderator
How Do You Identify?:
femme sub Preferred Pronoun?:
Baby Grrl Relationship Status:
Attached Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NYC
Posts: 6,778
Thanks: 52,862
Thanked 21,744 Times in 5,090 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857 |
The Fat Positive Lounge
Just a place to hang out, talk silly or serious, about fat or not about fat (and if it is about fat- with a fat positive politic*). Sometimes I really need a safe space to be with other fat people who have a side to them that feels healthiest in a fat positive space- whether we are talking fat politics or just goofing around knowing that we are with like-minded friend . Oh, and of course you don't have to be fat to post here! It's about the politic, not the size!
*Hang out a bit on http://www.bigfatblog.com if you don't have an idea of what a safe, fat positive space looks/feels/sounds like. Please don't ask on the thread, because again, I'm creating this space specifically for an environment that is not debating fat positivity but for having some bonding with like-minded souls |
02-09-2012, 08:10 PM | #2 |
Moderator
How Do You Identify?:
femme sub Preferred Pronoun?:
Baby Grrl Relationship Status:
Attached Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NYC
Posts: 6,778
Thanks: 52,862
Thanked 21,744 Times in 5,090 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857 |
I recently read the book "Hungry" by Crystal Renn and highly recommend it! She writes about her journey to a highly successful modeling career, where she goes from being anorexic to being a plus-size model. After allowing herself to eat what she wants and not focus on what size she is, she has her biggest success! It's such an uplifting book, and she is so encouraging of women to allow their body to be whatever their natural size is. The writing style is down-to-earth and full of helpful advice for being one's best self. One quote that helped me even though it is obvious is, "You simply cannot look to the wider world for a perpetual stream of affirmation. It won't be there. And life is too short to hate yourself." No doubt!
|
02-09-2012, 09:00 PM | #3 |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Daddy's good girl Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Jersey
Posts: 16,642
Thanks: 2,529
Thanked 12,320 Times in 5,198 Posts
Rep Power: 21474867 |
I have to say that a new place that I have found it safe for fat friendliness and gay friendliness and women friendliness is The Graham Norton Show. I feel so relaxed when I watch, it's TV that improves my mood.
__________________
Clicking on these dragon eggs will take you to my new erotic novella: Dragon Bait .........Hope you enjoy it! ________________________________________________ Please take a look at my work Click on flashing smilie to see my website To look at my Daddy/girl erotica book Click on pompom girl to see Elbows on the Table, Palms Flat |
02-09-2012, 09:27 PM | #4 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Mr Mtn's babygirl Preferred Pronoun?:
girly, she Relationship Status:
fiercely protected ♥ Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Moving home in OR with Him VERY soooon !!
Posts: 2,548
Thanks: 4,834
Thanked 7,501 Times in 1,850 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
*subscribing* i so love the literature you suggest Jenn, as you know! ♥ and of course, i'm all over a thread with you in it & about fat positivity..
__________________
my Mantra: i am letting go of angers, continuing to find forgiveness, welcoming inner peace & deserving of it all. my facebook weight loss page:
http://www.facebook.com/asyllyjourney |
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to sylvie For This Useful Post: |
02-10-2012, 08:14 AM | #5 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her, little one Relationship Status:
dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: dallas, tx
Posts: 1,495
Thanks: 13,823
Thanked 6,437 Times in 1,288 Posts
Rep Power: 21474850 |
i love this thread so much! thank you for starting it.
some other links i like are: http://www.kateharding.net/ http://www.fatnutritionist.com/ http://www.adipositivity.com/ (nsfw) http://queerfatfemme.com/ |
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to aishah For This Useful Post: |
02-10-2012, 09:23 AM | #6 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
BBW. Unique femininity that does not encompass the western paradigm. Preferred Pronoun?:
Anything Respectful! Relationship Status:
Single, Happy, not Desparate or Looking, but Open to Possibilities... Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Europe and Aotearoa on a 5:2 ratio.
Posts: 2,308
Thanks: 11,003
Thanked 6,035 Times in 1,617 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Great thread!
I have a handful of badges that I made years ago that say: “I’m a whole lotta Quirky and I’ve got a BIG Bum (and PROUD of it!)”. LOL! When I lived in Glasgow, Scotland I was an Artists model for the Glasgow School of Art; there were quite a few of us BBWs who would model for the Life Drawing classes and some of us were trained Artists. Before that, I did Life drawings/paintings of BBWs who wanted a gift for their partners; I have my innate clumsiness to thank for this, lol! I dropped on of my drawings in the Art supply shop and the shop assistant admired it and asked if I did commissions. I’ve been working on a hand embroidery of my luscious, sexy, fat self in various (tasteful) poses that one day (when I eventually get it finished….it’s on my ‘to do list’ mentioned in the Crafters UNITE thread, lol!) and will hang in the bedroom or bathroom…. I was going to get on with sorting out my hair accessories draw, only I’m too scared to throw any out ‘just in case I will want to wear them, again’, lol! I have my favourites, but, I have my moments when I want to wear something in my hair that’s different for a change….after all, a change is as good as a rest, right? LOL! Soooo, this sensual fat Femme can’t decide what hair accessories to part with; or, even if I should part with them! ….It’s not like it’s a major dilemma or even the end of the world if I can’t decide; it’s that I have so many Alice bands, barrettes, scrunchies, and hair flowers, etc, etc, that I’m like a kid in a sweetie shop trying to decide. When I’m at home I let my hair cascade over my luscious cuddles and curves….this usually results in me sitting on my hair and pinning myself to the Sofa, much to the amusement of others! LOL! I often sit with my hair pooled into my lap….it’s makes a great lap blanket, lol! When I’m getting ready to go out in the mornings (evenings, too, but, that’s a whole other predicament, lol!), mostly I wear my hair in a plait with either my favourite hair flowers or tribal hair elastics and an Alice band or barrette that compliment my clothes for that day. Hair accessories for me are what shoes are to most women, lol! ….You know what? I’m not going to even think about sorting through them all; I bought them because I like them (and I’m like a Magpie when I see them, lol!), so I’m just going to keep them in my draw and wear them when I want and add to the collection when I walk past the shop or section, lol!
__________________
What will make the difference to me is your strength of character and what's in your heart... |
02-10-2012, 09:27 AM | #7 | |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
BBW. Unique femininity that does not encompass the western paradigm. Preferred Pronoun?:
Anything Respectful! Relationship Status:
Single, Happy, not Desparate or Looking, but Open to Possibilities... Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Europe and Aotearoa on a 5:2 ratio.
Posts: 2,308
Thanks: 11,003
Thanked 6,035 Times in 1,617 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Quote:
I just had to swoon over KD in the first photo....*Sighs*
__________________
What will make the difference to me is your strength of character and what's in your heart... |
|
02-11-2012, 12:34 AM | #8 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
*Fierce Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
Singular Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,029
Thanks: 650
Thanked 4,463 Times in 854 Posts
Rep Power: 21474850 |
Ahhhhh...Home Sweet Home
|
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to SugarFemme For This Useful Post: |
02-11-2012, 10:00 AM | #9 |
Moderator
How Do You Identify?:
femme sub Preferred Pronoun?:
Baby Grrl Relationship Status:
Attached Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NYC
Posts: 6,778
Thanks: 52,862
Thanked 21,744 Times in 5,090 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857 |
What is everyone up to this weekend?
|
09-08-2012, 06:49 PM | #10 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
dorky queer femme bottom Preferred Pronoun?:
feminine ones Relationship Status:
single, dammit. Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: vancouver, bc
Posts: 240
Thanks: 157
Thanked 716 Times in 158 Posts
Rep Power: 8075872 |
The 'slutty' fat girl
This may be a sensitive/triggering topic for some of you, and if it is, I apologize in advance.
How many of you have spent most of your lives trying to run away from the "slutty fat girl" stereotype? I know I have. I've had partners - mostly male, but some female too - who only hit me up because they were under the assumption that because I'm fat, that I'm easier to get into bed. To counter that, I became rigid about my body and relationship boundaries, and convinced myself somewhere along the way that I only did real relationships, not one-two-or three night stands. Now that I'm a little older and a little wiser, and now that I'm finding my relationship prospects dimming as I get older, I'm starting to challenge my beliefs. I think mutual fun sexytimes are beneficial to the people involved, regardless of how long those times last. I'm at the point in my life where if a relationship came along, great, but I don't want to block a sweet, good time if she sweeps me off my feet! What about you? What sort of negative ideas around fat and sexuality are you holding on to and how are you letting them go?
__________________
"If I'm in a room full of cookies, the cookies ain't got no damn chance." - Charles Barkley The meaning behind my screen name: |
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to lettertodaddy For This Useful Post: |
09-08-2012, 07:11 PM | #11 |
Moderator
How Do You Identify?:
femme sub Preferred Pronoun?:
Baby Grrl Relationship Status:
Attached Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NYC
Posts: 6,778
Thanks: 52,862
Thanked 21,744 Times in 5,090 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857 |
This may be controversial too but I don't like the idea that it's creepy for certain people to prefer fat girls. Why can't that be sexy and even feminist to have a preference that's outside of the patriarchal mainstream? I'm tired of it being thought of as perverse, creepy, nerdy, sick, objectifying, and "just as bad." Similarly, I use the title "BBW," and I know a lot of people apply the same descriptions to that term. However, I take it for what it is, a big beautiful woman. To me it conveys that I'm big while also conveying that I'm a confident woman, one who aims to embrace my body. I think that when people are more attracted to fat bodies that it usually comes from one's unconscious psychological life experience all the way back from childhood (Disclaimer: I'm a therapist.). Black men are much more accepting/attracted to my body, and I wonder is it because they have mamas they love who are big and confident too. I like to go to Craigslist and put in a search for "BBW" in the title (must be in the title, because if it's the whole ad, it will be because of a "no BBWs" clause written at the end of the ad). I like to read the descriptions of people craving a fat woman for a relationship or sex or whatever. It's sexy to me, and I don't think I have to feel that I'm gross for feeling that way.
|
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to nycfem For This Useful Post: |
09-08-2012, 08:13 PM | #12 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
dorky queer femme bottom Preferred Pronoun?:
feminine ones Relationship Status:
single, dammit. Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: vancouver, bc
Posts: 240
Thanks: 157
Thanked 716 Times in 158 Posts
Rep Power: 8075872 |
Right, I see where you're coming from nycfembbw, but I'm not talking about preferences. I'm talking about the kind of people who don't want to date you in daylight, who deny they know you if they see you out while they're with their friends, who make cutting, negative comments about fat women in public, but who ask you for your number when nobody else is looking.
I hope with all my might that I can find a butch in this town that prefers my larger body, but until that happens, I'll just keep wishing.
__________________
"If I'm in a room full of cookies, the cookies ain't got no damn chance." - Charles Barkley The meaning behind my screen name: |
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to lettertodaddy For This Useful Post: |
09-09-2012, 04:56 PM | #13 | |
Moderator
How Do You Identify?:
femme sub Preferred Pronoun?:
Baby Grrl Relationship Status:
Attached Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NYC
Posts: 6,778
Thanks: 52,862
Thanked 21,744 Times in 5,090 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857 |
I totally get what you are saying, lettertodaddy and agree with you. My post wasn't in response to what you posted about the "slutty" fat girl. It was in response to your question at the end of your post:
"What about you? What sort of negative ideas around fat and sexuality are you holding on to and how are you letting them go?" Quote:
|
|
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to nycfem For This Useful Post: |
09-09-2012, 07:54 PM | #14 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Country Boi Preferred Pronoun?:
call it as u see it Relationship Status:
Completely...complete ;) Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Either at the beach or in the pool
Posts: 1,665
Thanks: 3,929
Thanked 4,287 Times in 1,181 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
In response to the "slutty" fat girl comments.
Question ...is it actually because fat girls are perceived as "slutty" or is the perception that she must have a low self-esteem & therefore going home with whomever is better than going home alone ..? I experienced the latter Fri night. This newly divorced lady with not great self-esteem almost went home alone with this guy she didn't kno anything about just because he wanted her to. & she admitted that she would have & regretted it later. But instead she had about a 3 hr chitchat with a new friend we watched the sun come up. So is it the "slutty" perception or the lower self-esteem that makes her an "easy target"?
__________________
"You don't Find life worth living; You MAKE IT that way" |
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Tcountry For This Useful Post: |
10-02-2012, 08:40 PM | #15 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
queer Preferred Pronoun?:
They/Them & her/she Relationship Status:
Lucky, very lucky Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Portlandia, Oregon
Posts: 427
Thanks: 875
Thanked 1,286 Times in 315 Posts
Rep Power: 6505516 |
Today I want to let go of the guilt that I hold for NOT losing the baby fat, the fat that went beyond baby fat, the fat that came back after the diets, the fat that stayed while dieting.
I want to let go not with the intention that if I could somehow then be guiltfree I could then be thin... I want to let go just because it serves me no positive purpose, and weighs more than the fat does, on my soul.
__________________
YOU are Unique and Unrepeatable AND your not alone. thetrevorproject.org |
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to PearlsNLace For This Useful Post: |
09-08-2012, 07:14 PM | #16 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Complex but Tender Preferred Pronoun?:
~Ma`am~ Relationship Status:
Shotgun Rider Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Following the red road
Posts: 4,519
Thanks: 9,304
Thanked 12,952 Times in 3,466 Posts
Rep Power: 21474855 |
LTD
One thing comes to mind, what about the fat girl who others think will always be the filler friend with nothing better to do. Assuming they have no commitments or engagements and are always there for them.
__________________
“For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” Judy Garland |
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Spirit Dancer For This Useful Post: |
09-08-2012, 08:04 PM | #17 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Relationship Status:
Together since September of 2021 Join Date: May 2010
Location: At home with my honey :)
Posts: 15,170
Thanks: 35,928
Thanked 32,138 Times in 10,006 Posts
Rep Power: 21474866 |
I really like what BB and BBW and others here are promoting and that's the idea that we can be positively healthy in the ideas we hold about what the term Fat means and to borrow the term BB used: not cave into social stereotypes built around what it means to be fat.
I really like how Spirit Dancer brought up the idea that often people who are fat are not valued in our culture and society and that people seem to trend toward the idea that people who are fat have no life, no romantic prospects in their past, present or future. And, I also like what BBW said about how creepy it is that being fat is not throught of in terms of being a feminist stance or sheer sexiness. I've lost a considerable amount of weight over the past six months, due to a very hectic on-the-run job I used to have, which demanded that I keep running even when I didn't feel like I could run another step of the way. Does that mean I'm skinny, since I lost that much weight? No. I'm built like a tank: In other words, no matter how weight I might like to lose, I will always appear on the larger side of the weight spectrum just because of my height (I am nearly 5' 10" -barefoot) and because of the density of my bone structure, which is pervasively German: with a twist of this and that elsewhere. I felt sexy when I was 60 pounds heavier, but I still rock this body of mine even though I'm sixty pounds lighter. I like it when individuals in our community can come together with a feminist attitude and feel super about who we are - not matter what we look like or how heavy we are. Sending big love to all of you, |
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Kätzchen For This Useful Post: |
09-08-2012, 08:16 PM | #18 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
dorky queer femme bottom Preferred Pronoun?:
feminine ones Relationship Status:
single, dammit. Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: vancouver, bc
Posts: 240
Thanks: 157
Thanked 716 Times in 158 Posts
Rep Power: 8075872 |
Yes, I've been there too. Less so now that most of my friends are partnered/coupled, but I've had it happen. I'm usually happy to see my friends regardless of their motivations, but this does sting a little.
__________________
"If I'm in a room full of cookies, the cookies ain't got no damn chance." - Charles Barkley The meaning behind my screen name: |
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to lettertodaddy For This Useful Post: |
09-09-2012, 12:29 AM | #19 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Country Boi Preferred Pronoun?:
call it as u see it Relationship Status:
Completely...complete ;) Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Either at the beach or in the pool
Posts: 1,665
Thanks: 3,929
Thanked 4,287 Times in 1,181 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
from another book...
"...this was a woman who loved my body. I never really loved my body. I was comfortable with it. I knew where all its parts were and that it was functional. But I was always somewhat overweight. I never thought I was pretty, and to this day, you know, eight hundred people can say you're gorgeous and you're never going to believe it. But here was a woman who, when she touched me, trembled, and god-- the world opened up...." pg 262 The book is The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader Edited by Joan Nestle...I actually have sticky tabs marking my favorite lines/paragraphs/pages. *tip hat*
__________________
"You don't Find life worth living; You MAKE IT that way" Last edited by Tcountry; 09-09-2012 at 12:31 AM. Reason: added page # |
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Tcountry For This Useful Post: |
09-09-2012, 12:47 AM | #20 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, Her, etc Relationship Status:
Single Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,767
Thanks: 9,029
Thanked 13,026 Times in 4,786 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858 |
I had someone share something on my facebook and I had to share it because I absolutely LOVE it:
The words *I am fat* is crossed out with a big red line through it and next it says "No, i am not.I just have fat. My weight does not define me. Neither does yours define you". THAT is absolutely true!
__________________
"When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!" |
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Leigh For This Useful Post: |
|
|