The Fat Positive Lounge

[lettertodaddy]

Right, I see where you're coming from nycfembbw, but I'm not talking about preferences. I'm talking about the kind of people who don't want to date you in daylight, who deny they know you if they see you out while they're with their friends, who make cutting, negative comments about fat women in public, but who ask you for your number when nobody else is looking.

I hope with all my might that I can find a butch in this town that prefers my larger body, but until that happens, I'll just keep wishing.

[nycfem]

I totally get what you are saying, lettertodaddy and agree with you. My post wasn't in response to what you posted about the "slutty" fat girl. It was in response to your question at the end of your post:

"What about you? What sort of negative ideas around fat and sexuality are you holding on to and how are you letting them go?"

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

Right, I see where you're coming from nycfembbw, but I'm not talking about preferences. I'm talking about the kind of people who don't want to date you in daylight, who deny they know you if they see you out while they're with their friends, who make cutting, negative comments about fat women in public, but who ask you for your number when nobody else is looking.

I hope with all my might that I can find a butch in this town that prefers my larger body, but until that happens, I'll just keep wishing.

[Tcountry]

In response to the "slutty" fat girl comments.
Question ...is it actually because fat girls are perceived as "slutty" or is the perception that she must have a low self-esteem & therefore going home with whomever is better than going home alone ..?
I experienced the latter Fri night. This newly divorced lady with not great self-esteem almost went home alone with this guy she didn't kno anything about just because he wanted her to.
& she admitted that she would have & regretted it later.
But instead she had about a 3 hr chitchat with a new friend we watched the sun come up.

So is it the "slutty" perception or the lower self-esteem that makes her an "easy target"?

[Spirit Dancer]

Originally Posted by Tcountry

In response to the "slutty" fat girl comments.
Question ...is it actually because fat girls are perceived as "slutty" or is the perception that she must have a low self-esteem & therefore going home with whomever is better than going home alone ..?
I experienced the latter Fri night. This newly divorced lady with not great self-esteem almost went home alone with this guy she didn't kno anything about just because he wanted her to.
& she admitted that she would have & regretted it later.
But instead she had about a 3 hr chitchat with a new friend we watched the sun come up.

So is it the "slutty" perception or the lower self-esteem that makes her an "easy target"?

From my space, I do believe there's a stigmata placed by "some" people that FAT equates LOW self esteem. Which in turn could lead those to perceive Fat women are easy targets.

Here's the thing not every woman fits into one mold we all come in different shapes and sizes, and no matter what there can be a self esteem issues. Which in itself can make any women an easy target, when I was younger there was a self esteem issue and once again several years ago I allowed someone to create that icky feeling of FAT=low self esteem, but now when I look back and get that icky feeling I slap Queens of comedy into the DVD hit the FF>>>>button to Sommore and i'm reminded that women of all shapes
and sizes are beautiful.

[Canela]

Originally Posted by Spirit Dancer

From my space, I do believe there's a stigmata placed by "some" people that FAT equates LOW self esteem. Which in turn could lead those to perceive Fat women are easy targets.

Here's the thing not every woman fits into one mold we all come in different shapes and sizes, and no matter what there can be a self esteem issues. Which in itself can make any women an easy target, when I was younger there was a self esteem issue and once again several years ago I allowed someone to create that icky feeling of FAT=low self esteem, but now when I look back and get that icky feeling I slap Queens of comedy into the DVD hit the FF>>>>button to Sommore and i'm reminded that women of all shapes
and sizes are beautiful.

Somebody done messed up and let me get to know these big beautiful women from the Queens of Comedy years ago...and in that came another huge confidence boost.

Now I like that "kshuh kshuh" from the hoola hoop...I saw this a long time ago...and I took it in and honey I ain't never been the same since....

Mo'nique has the right idea when she said, "honey, I am big beautiful and loving it".

That's me...I don't need to be a size 4 to feel sexy and beautiful...trust me, at this size 18 I can still rock that...and him. I choose to be who I am because it suits me....I like that I am not embarrassed anymore because I am still beautiful and smart and sexy as heck...does my weight really make me less than? Uh, no...that just doesn't compute.

Come on now...plus size doesn't mean less honey, it means more. More of everything...more love, more woman, more confidence, more heart, more mind, more compassion, more kindness, more caring, more, more, more...we've learned the hard lessons of reality and turned them inside out to grow ourselves in the strength and overcomer's department.

Life hasn't been easy, but we have learned from it, especially the discrimination of being a BBW. Not one of the exes I have ever had after I gained my weight ever, ever, ever had a problem with my size...once when I asked one former lover I was almost yelled at (he was offended as if I did something wrong)...he said", babygirl, have I ever made you feel anything less than beautiful, sexy and loved?" I had to admit that no, he had not.

So ladies, take it like you like it, but I took my ex's words and never looked back.
He thought I was hot and sexy...
I thought I was hot and sexy....
I know I am a good woman and there is a good butch/TG/Ftm man out there that will love us just as we are.
If not--it's their loss.

I had a very sweet man tell me just recently, "I see you. You're beauty goes much deeper than what's on the surface. You're pretty from the inside out. This is unique. I can't help but notice."

I love being me. I am a B.B.T.W. (Big Beautiful Texican Woman) and I don't make excuses for it. Love me or don't. I'm not the one missing out!

Receive that for yourselves my sisters and never let anyone tell you who or what you are. You're beautiful.

[Canela]

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

[Canela]

One of my friends shared this with me & I LOVE it:

When you’re a plus size woman, people like to say “yeah, she’s cute in the face”, as if being full figured is such a disgrace.


Honey, I’m cute in the face, and I’m thick in the waist.
I look good whether I’m in cotton, leather, or lace.
I’m beautiful, vibrant and above all, smart!
And there’s more to me than my weight, I also have a heart.
Yes my clothes maybe a bigger size,
That just means you have access to a bigger prize.
We are not self-conscious about our weight,
And we never have a problem getting a date.
So don’t think your small frame gives you more pull,
I’m a hot, sexy, curvy woman with a figure that’s full!

***

All women can't be a size zero
Not even on a high profile Fashion Show.
Ladies can be a small or big size
& Still look pleasing to the eyes
Can I hear an "Amen" Guys, you should know.

[lettertodaddy]

Originally Posted by Tcountry

So is it the "slutty" perception or the lower self-esteem that makes her an "easy target"?

I think this is a large part of it. I think another big part of it is that a fat woman should be happy to get any sexual attention, even negative sexual attention. I can't tell you how many times guys have tried to chat me up only to have them call me a "fat ugly bitch" in the next breath when I turn them down. I'm happy no women have ever done this to my knowledge.

[SingularNYCFemme]

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

I think this is a large part of it. I think another big part of it is that a fat woman should be happy to get any sexual attention, even negative sexual attention. I can't tell you how many times guys have tried to chat me up only to have them call me a "fat ugly bitch" in the next breath when I turn them down. I'm happy no women have ever done this to my knowledge.

I don't believe I've ever encountered a woman with this point of view; if some have, they haven't indicated it in their behavior toward me. I could go on for a bit on this topic, but I'm sleepy and up past my bedtime. I'm glad we're here to support our fabulous sexy selves.

[Spirit Dancer]

“If I had been around when Rubens was painting,
I would have been revered as a fabulous model.”
- Dawn French

[PearlsNLace]

Today I want to let go of the guilt that I hold for NOT losing the baby fat, the fat that went beyond baby fat, the fat that came back after the diets, the fat that stayed while dieting.

I want to let go not with the intention that if I could somehow then be guiltfree I could then be thin...

I want to let go just because it serves me no positive purpose, and weighs more than the fat does, on my soul.

[clay]

....The inner calm & peace....the pure beauty of everyone in here...of all the threads on the Planet, THIS.is.my.fave. I am proud to grace this place regularly with my "perving".....in.here.resides.the.most.beautiful.s ouls.on.the.planet...this "house" rocks!!
I heart all you truly beautiful souls here!! ALL of you...no gender lines here..we are all embraced!

[Soft*Silver]

How is everyone? Surely we cant be THAT quiet?

I posted new photos of my store in my gallery. Just in case you want to see it in the fall season.

So, its a HUGE holiday season coming up. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Eve. Time to be buying outfits. What are you going to be for Halloween?

Does holiday outfit buying unsettle you? What can I do to make it more comfortable for the gals who come to my shop?

[SingularNYCFemme]

Originally Posted by Miss_Tia

How is everyone? Surely we cant be THAT quiet?

I posted new photos of my store in my gallery. Just in case you want to see it in the fall season.

So, its a HUGE holiday season coming up. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Eve. Time to be buying outfits. What are you going to be for Halloween?

Does holiday outfit buying unsettle you? What can I do to make it more comfortable for the gals who come to my shop?

Oh what fun it must be to come to your shop! I can't imagine you need to do much more than be your warm and welcoming self. I might tone down the various seasonal decorations ... have them, but perhaps in a subtle way? Either that or go over the top! Hot chocolate might help too. Well, it would help me anyway! I know you'll make all your customers comfortable and happy, and I envy them totally.

[Soft*Silver]

Oh I love the idea of hot chocolate!! Thank you!!!!