masculine maturity?

[rlin]

(all the disclaimers that are needed are assumed for this entire line of questioning... this is all my own thoughts about all my own shit...)

i know that girls mature faster than boys supposedly... that is stated in the language which it is usually reported in...

does anyone have any thought on whether butch matures slower than femme?
do you think this is a masculine feminine phenomena?

this is not a trolling thread...
i am really curious about this because i feel like i am finally maturing... sad part is... im 45 fukn yrs old...

[jenny]

Interesting topic. As the parent of both female and male children, I do see differences in the ways and speed with which they've matured -- but that's kids, not adults. Yes, I think there are biological differences in the way that girls and boys mature, which are a normal part of human physiology. There are evolutionary reasons for differences, which may not be important in society today, but which were essential to the continuation of the race way back when.

Once we reach physical adulthood, though, I think that "maturity" has less to do with gender identity or biological sex. After passing through our teen years, I think what most would consider "maturity" is more emotional and psychological in basis than physical. Could some of that emotional/psychological stuff be due to the work done in sorting out issues with gender identity? Sure. But I think there's a lot of factors at play here -- not *just* gender.

I know plenty of butches who, in their 20s and 30s, are far more mature than other butches in their 40s and beyond. I know femmes who vary in maturity as well. In nearly all cases, life experience is a huge part of where they are now, and differing emotional factors come into play as well.

On a personal level, I feel like at the age of 44, I finally know myself well, I'm comfortable with the person I am, and I genuinely like myself. Does that mean I'm "mature"? I don't know. But I do know that I'm happier and healthier emotionally now than I've ever been before. Was I "immature" in my 30s? I don't think so, but I do think I was less self-aware.

And something else to ponder... what's the definition of "mature"? Who gets to decide which people are "mature" and which aren't?

Thanks for starting this thread. I'll be watching to see what others have to say!!

Jen

[skeeter_01]

Originally Posted by jenny

....On a personal level, I feel like at the age of 44, I finally know myself well, I'm comfortable with the person I am, and I genuinely like myself. Does that mean I'm "mature"? I don't know. But I do know that I'm happier and healthier emotionally now than I've ever been before. Was I "immature" in my 30s? I don't think so, but I do think I was less self-aware.

Jen

which is exactly why i think women in their 40's are the sexiest things going...they are at that spot where they are comfortable in their own skins...more confident within themselves...and there is NOTHING sexier than confidence!

just sayin'...
skeet

[jenny]

Originally Posted by skeeter_01

which is exactly why i think women in their 40's are the sexiest things going...they are at that spot where they are comfortable in their own skins...more confident within themselves...and there is NOTHING sexier than confidence!

just sayin'...
skeet

WOOT!!! Yay for 40-something women, then! I have to say, understanding my own sexuality, proclivities, and desires sure makes me FEEL sexier in my 40s than I ever did back in my 20s and 30s! I remember being much younger and hearing the saying that women really come into their own sexually in their 40s -- at the time, I thought it was a big load of crap, but from where I sit now, I know it's completely true!

[skeeter_01]

Originally Posted by jenny

WOOT!!! Yay for 40-something women, then! I have to say, understanding my own sexuality, proclivities, and desires sure makes me FEEL sexier in my 40s than I ever did back in my 20s and 30s! I remember being much younger and hearing the saying that women really come into their own sexually in their 40s -- at the time, I thought it was a big load of crap, but from where I sit now, I know it's completely true!

YAY!! i agree!!
skeet

[Chancie]

I think this is an interesting thread.

Maybe part of what it means to be mature is a certain comfort in oneself, a certain amount of self awareness.

I am not the same femme I was when I was 30 years old, and

I can't speak to what it means to be an almost 50-year-old butch who has self defined as a butch for almost 20 years.

And of course butches aren't men or boys, except when they are.

[Mister Bent]

Originally Posted by rlin

(all the disclaimers that are needed are assumed for this entire line of questioning... this is all my own thoughts about all my own shit...)

i know that girls mature faster than boys supposedly... that is stated in the language which it is usually reported in...

does anyone have any thought on whether butch matures slower than femme?
do you think this is a masculine feminine phenomena?

this is not a trolling thread...
i am really curious about this because i feel like i am finally maturing... sad part is... im 45 fukn yrs old...

I think Jenny really grasped the crux here:

Once we reach physical adulthood, though, I think that "maturity" has less to do with gender identity or biological sex. After passing through our teen years, I think what most would consider "maturity" is more emotional and psychological in basis than physical. Could some of that emotional/psychological stuff be due to the work done in sorting out issues with gender identity? Sure. But I think there's a lot of factors at play here -- not *just* gender.

I also think that if you're going to seriously entertain a question/topic like this that you need to start with what the parameters are of "mature."

Frankly, I think a lot of the immaturity witnessed among butches and other masculine identities comes from posturing the most negative/stereotypical male behavior; a sort of "frat boy" mentality. It likely does come from an attempt to "find oneself" as a masculine person, but I don't believe it is based in gender or sex/uality. More so it feels based in emotional immaturity and lack of reasonable role models.

[rlin]

Originally Posted by Mister Bent

I also think that if you're going to seriously entertain a question/topic like this that you need to start with what the parameters are of "mature."

respectfully....
i intentionally left this question broad... i am interested in different facets of the process and do not wish to point anyones thoughts into any certain direction...

[Blade]

WOW I could have a lot of thoughts on this subject. Lemme think on it a bit, but I think I will end up addressing several points of view. Great topic rlin......

To begin with I think many butches have been mature in their female, mom, wife, daughter, sister life. Then they "come out" if you will and start their life over in a different direction and probably the maturity level goes astray. I have examples of this in my own life. I was the person mentioned above. However am I a mature TG/butch probably not, not all the time.