social cues

[lesbrarian]

Does anyone else have trouble.. signalling their orientation and gender identity to other lesbians?

I realize that sounds kind of odd, but it's something I struggle with a lot. There is nothing distinctly queer about the way I present myself, and I feel like this is something that's important in meeting other queers because it's really awkward to just announce HI I'M GAY, ARE YOU?

This probably aligns itself in a lot of ways to femme invisibility. I see lots of other lesbians day to day on the bus and the street and on campus and I wish there was just some way of making some small connection that says "Hey! I recognize you and we have something in common!"

[Gráinne]

I look like SoccerMom. In fact, for a long time, I was one . And while being gay certainly isn't all I am, it's an obviously big part. I also don't introduce myself with "Hi, I'm gay!" So I get it.

The only time anyone is sure, is at Reunion or Pride (but many straight people go to Pride, so that's not even a good example).

If you are in college, there's probably a GLBQ club on campus and you can find community there. Some find the courage to wear a rainbow something on their clothing, but that's not even a foolproof method. It's hard!

You made a good start by coming here .

[Soft*Silver]

try being a lesbian dating a man....but he is a twister like I am too. People see him as a gay man. Its all confusing to the people around us, except to my family. They get us completely.

[*Anya*]

It is always a problem when one is femme because we "look" straight.

You have to go to places where there are other lesbians.

Do you have MeetUps? You can find them online or you can start your own!

Where I live, there are tons. All ages and all types of activities.

[laruss]

Sometimes it is as simple as how you look at or acknowledge other lesbians. Smiling and acknowledging in recognition. I am not sure how to explain that exactly, it is just something that I do.

I don't "look" gay at all, I guess it's that Femme invisibility. But, I have never had trouble being recognized.

I will often wear a rainbow pendant I have and I have seen quite a few other Femme's who wear different pendants out and about.

But, I think the most important thing is to get to know the community. Go to different events, volunteer for gay organizations, get yourself out there.

I was recently at a classic rock festival and I was standing in line and a woman behind me started chatting with me, neither of us looked gay, she noticed my rainbow necklace and grabbed it while pushing her tits into me and mentioned how she was new to the city and how difficult it was to meet people. I agreed with her and then explained how lucky I was to have found the Woman I want to spend my life with. She laughed and said, "was I really that obvious". We both laughed about it and then I told her about some local events. It was the pendant that caught her attention and was the "clue or cue" for her.

[lesbrarian]

Originally Posted by laruss

I was recently at a classic rock festival and I was standing in line and a woman behind me started chatting with me, neither of us looked gay, she noticed my rainbow necklace and grabbed it while pushing her tits into me and mentioned how she was new to the city and how difficult it was to meet people. I agreed with her and then explained how lucky I was to have found the Woman I want to spend my life with. She laughed and said, "was I really that obvious". We both laughed about it and then I told her about some local events. It was the pendant that caught her attention and was the "clue or cue" for her.

That's hilarious - I will definitely have to get some more rainbow gear.

I always try to smile when I recognize someone, I just get nervous that I might send the wrong message. I read an article once about a bi femme who was frustrated with finding community with other queers because she was dating a man. She told the story of smiling at a lesbian couple while she was waiting in line at a movie, and receiving dirty looks back because they thought she was patronizing them.

But, as I'm learning, you can't control how other people think of you. It's worth a shot!

[The_Lady_Snow]

I tend to be outed as soon as I speak, I'm a queer Femme that's hard to hide and stick out in a sea of feminine presentation. I like to think that's it's my politics, women empowered thinking and my Leather dynamics that make it so. My Pack thinks it's evolution in it's finest form.

[girl_dee]

Rainbow tattoo on the forehead and a 2x4 helps.

[lesbrarian]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I tend to be outed as soon as I speak, I'm a queer Femme that's hard to hide and stick out in a sea of feminine presentation. I like to think that's it's my politics, women empowered thinking and my Leather dynamics that make it so. My Pack thinks it's evolution in it's finest form.

Well, Leather politics are the best politics afterall.

[lesbrarian]

Originally Posted by guihong

I look like SoccerMom. In fact, for a long time, I was one . And while being gay certainly isn't all I am, it's an obviously big part. I also don't introduce myself with "Hi, I'm gay!" So I get it.

The only time anyone is sure, is at Reunion or Pride (but many straight people go to Pride, so that's not even a good example).

If you are in college, there's probably a GLBQ club on campus and you can find community there. Some find the courage to wear a rainbow something on their clothing, but that's not even a foolproof method. It's hard!

You made a good start by coming here .

I guess that is pretty true - even at the local gay bar, at least half the crowd is straight girls, so it's tough to state anything really loud and clear.

I was involved with the campus queer group for a while, but unfortunately have broken ties because of differences/lack of inclusiveness. Almost all of the lesbians I have that are my age in this community are really aggressive in some questionable politics (men are evil, monogamy is slavery, etc.) that I don't want to be involved in.

I've been trying to seek out any other local groups, but they seem very impromptu - older dykes that have been in the city a long time and know lots of people. Which is great, and it would be awesome to talk to them.