Waldo's Guide to Being a Singular Sensation

[lillith]

I love to eat and cook. I don't mind eating alone, out in public or at home. I am, however, fortunate because I have someone to eat with. He may try to cook, but that is limited to pb&j sandwiches and such (he is 10). But, when there are nights he is hanging out at a friend's house, I cook just the same. I think it is important to cook for yourself. If you can't, then get some take out and do it up like you did. Plate the food, grab something to drink, and eat. I agree it is important to spoil yourself as you would anyone else.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by lillith

I love to eat and cook. I don't mind eating alone, out in public or at home. I am, however, fortunate because I have someone to eat with. He may try to cook, but that is limited to pb&j sandwiches and such (he is 10). But, when there are nights he is hanging out at a friend's house, I cook just the same. I think it is important to cook for yourself. If you can't, then get some take out and do it up like you did. Plate the food, grab something to drink, and eat. I agree it is important to spoil yourself as you would anyone else.

That's so cool that you have a son.

[lillith]

Yeah, I dig him. He is the bestest ever!

[Waldo]

Lesson #2

Handling the Holiday Season With Singular Ablomb

Even for me and my bachelor loving ways the holiday season presents a unique challenge. How to gracefully accept or decline all of those invitations to parties where the happily coupled are the norm?

Event triage is the answer. Quickly slice and dice an event for the likely percentage of those going stag. Is it a dinner party? It's likely to be couples. Is it a cocktail party? There's a better than average chance there will be *some* solo folks there.

Once at an event if you find yourself unexpectedly surrounded by couples don't freak out. There are great times to be had with couples and they don't even involve taking your clothes off!

First find the most unlikely looking couple and sidle up to them. Don't you wonder how they got together? Find out! Ask them how they met, who asked who out and more importantly, what was it thaat made them realize they were smitten?

Next find the couple dealing with some turmoil. They aren't hard to find. There's always some couple with barely contained hostility bubbling under the surface. Be a good sport and help to diffuse the situation. Engage one or both of them in a conversation that will help them remember why they are together.

If all else fails there's always the option of leaving early and heading to the local watering hole for a cocktail and flirtation with others who've been in the exact same position as you all night.

Whatever you choose, keep a smile on your face and never let them see you crying into your beer!

[la_la]

Originally Posted by Waldo

Lesson #2

Handling the Holiday Season With Singular Ablomb

Even for me and my bachelor loving ways the holiday season presents a unique challenge. How to gracefully accept or decline all of those invitations to parties where the happily coupled are the norm?

Event triage is the answer. Quickly slice and dice an event for the likely percentage of those going stag. Is it a dinner party? It's likely to be couples. Is it a cocktail party? There's a better than average chance there will be *some* solo folks there.

Once at an event if you find yourself unexpectedly surrounded by couples don't freak out. There are great times to be had with couples and they don't even involve taking your clothes off!

First find the most unlikely looking couple and sidle up to them. Don't you wonder how they got together? Find out! Ask them how they met, who asked who out and more importantly, what was it thaat made them realize they were smitten?

Next find the couple dealing with some turmoil. They aren't hard to find. There's always some couple with barely contained hostility bubbling under the surface. Be a good sport and help to diffuse the situation. Engage one or both of them in a conversation that will help them remember why they are together.

If all else fails there's always the option of leaving early and heading to the local watering hole for a cocktail and flirtation with others who've been in the exact same position as you all night.

Whatever you choose, keep a smile on your face and never let them see you crying into your beer!

Waldo,

Thank you for the wonderful advise. I have been alone for quite a few years now and being in the corporate world for most of it, I have attended many cocktail parties. I actually used the same initial question (how did you meet?) when faced with a couple and it is a wonderful conversation starter however, I have never been bold enough to approach the hostile couple (yes I can spot them too). Perhaps your approach will give me the confidence to approach them the next time I am in the same situation.

Peace,
'iz

[bbdoll]

Originally Posted by Waldo

You've got two options when you're single:

1. Sullen and Single
2. Singular Sensation

I'm working on #2 (shut it 'Dusa) and finding new and interesting ways to enjoy the single life.

Lesson number one: How To Dine Solo In Public

I actually honed this skill years ago when I began traveling for work. Now I can walk into any restaurant in any city in the world and proudly request a table for one with my head held high and a smile on my face.

It's easiest to accomplish this daunting task by bringing a magazine, a book or a journal. Bringing a laptop to "work" only makes you look like you're a workaholic (not that I would know ANYTHING about that!). This allows you to focus your attention on something other than "what are they thinking about me?"

Eventually you may find yourself able to just bring the book or journal and leave it closed on the table. It's kind of like a security blanket. It's just nice to have there. The bonus here is that you can start to pay attention to the people around you. My favorite part of this phase it that you pick up on conversations. I happen to make up entire histories for couples around me. Sometimes I blog about those stories. If I did this more regularly I'm certain I could write a best seller!

After this stage you might be able to move into the advanced stage where you seek out restaurants with "community tables" or dining bars where you can dine with others and open up opportunities to meet new people. Do not attempt this advanced maneuver if you are prone chewing with your mouth open or spitting when you talk. It's poor form and will only cause people to stare and whisper.

Whether you're hoping they are fleeting or not, enjoy your single days while you've got them.

I cant wait to see what #2 holds. Hmmmm Im new here so Im just peeking to all the threads. Im so glad I stumble on this one. YAY !!!

[Tommi]

Originally Posted by bbdoll

I cant wait to see what #2 holds. Hmmmm Im new here so Im just peeking to all the threads. Im so glad I stumble on this one. YAY !!!

DITTO on peeking perv.

[DapperButch]

I like this thread.

Where is Lesson #3?

[cuddlyfemme]

I never knew this thread was here...I like it. Guess I need to perv more!

[Strappie]

Dinning Alone??

OMG... I can hardly go to Mickey D's to dine alone! Hmmm I am certainly gonna have to force myself, baby steps. Funny thing is, I'm not shy around a group of friends. I will introduce myself to anyone just ask everyone that went to the Reunion. I made sure I introduced myself to everyone. So to dine alone shouldn't be that hard. After all I love to people watch!

This could be good.. lol

[msW8ing]

Dining single is actually another opportunity to meet new friends. I've met some very interesting people who were dining single as well. Not to mention the flirtation ratio when one dines single. Some of the wait staff/bartenders are quite fun. lol

[Starbuck]

When I was a single mother of a young child, I could always feel the eyes of others staring at me, well at least I thought they were, and it really bothered me. 17 years later I guess my maturity has taken over because I don't give two flips who's watching me eat. If i'm in a restaurant to eat, then that's what I'm gonna do! Worrying about what others think about me is the last thing on my mind!

[msW8ing]

Starbuck, I thought the same when my son and daughter were little and I too was a single parent. While sitting at our favorite Chinese Resturaunt an elderly couple kept staring, in my mind they were judging me for being a single parent. But then the lady smiled and said "what beautiful children and so well mannered, I'm sorry to stare they are just too cute". Then I realized that people weren't staring to judge, but because my kids were too cute to NOT stare at. lmao

Originally Posted by Starbuck

When I was a single mother of a young child, I could always feel the eyes of others staring at me, well at least I thought they were, and it really bothered me. 17 years later I guess my maturity has taken over because I don't give two flips who's watching me eat. If i'm in a restaurant to eat, then that's what I'm gonna do! Worrying about what others think about me is the last thing on my mind!

[Apocalipstic]

I am so enthralled with room service and being alone entorely that when traveling I usually just stayn in. If I do eat out alone, I do tend to read or play on my laptop. I really don't care if people think I work too much.

[Waldo]

Hey you fabulous people!

I'm sorry people, I've not been feeling all that Fabulously Singular lately. Well, mostly I've not been singular and there have even been a few days when I've not been feeling fabulous. But I'm back in the saddle.

Lesson #3: Learning to take, and give, a sincere compliment.

DISCLAIMER: I am not speaking about a compliment from a stranger or some lecherous random you've just met. I'm discussing compliments from friends, family, lovers or acquaintances.

Compliments are hard to hear because they come from a lens that we don't have the privilege of seeing through. Someone else is accessing you and making a comment they believe imparts worth. We can choose to "pshaw" the compliment and degrade the person making it, or we can choose to believe that they see something in or about us as valuable.

Let's just give people the benefit of the doubt and accept the compliment with grace, even if you don't feel that way about yourself. "No, I'm not", "Oh, not really", "Don't be ridiculous" or my personal fav "You HAVE to say that!" are not acceptable responses when someone compliments you.

A simple "thank you", "you're too kind" or "you're kind to say so." will, however, convey that you value their kindness without appearing to be too vain. If you're really just not feeling it you can even go as far as saying "you're a dear for saying so, but I'm just not feeling it today".

Until next time...

W

[msW8ing]

Umm what happened to #2 did I miss it?

[dixie]

Originally Posted by Waldo

Hey you fabulous people!

I'm sorry people, I've not been feeling all that Fabulously Singular lately. Well, mostly I've not been singular and there have even been a few days when I've not been feeling fabulous. But I'm back in the saddle.

Lesson #3: Learning to take, and give, a sincere compliment.

DISCLAIMER: I am not speaking about a compliment from a stranger or some lecherous random you've just met. I'm discussing compliments from friends, family, lovers or acquaintances.

Compliments are hard to hear because they come from a lens that we don't have the privilege of seeing through. Someone else is accessing you and making a comment they believe imparts worth. We can choose to "pshaw" the compliment and degrade the person making it, or we can choose to believe that they see something in or about us as valuable.

Let's just give people the benefit of the doubt and accept the compliment with grace, even if you don't feel that way about yourself. "No, I'm not", "Oh, not really", "Don't be ridiculous" or my personal fav "You HAVE to say that!" are not acceptable responses when someone compliments you.

A simple "thank you", "you're too kind" or "you're kind to say so." will, however, convey that you value their kindness without appearing to be too vain. If you're really just not feeling it you can even go as far as saying "you're a dear for saying so, but I'm just not feeling it today".

Until next time...

W

That's a really good one. It's also something I have been learning to do better at. It's easy if someone says "oh that's a cute top" or something general like that. However, if they're complimenting something about me then it's actually really uncomfortable because I obviously don't see what they see. I used to be really bad to mumble and say "nah..." while looking at my shoelaces but I'm getting better at just saying thank you. It really tickles me and makes me feel good when folks say something, it just feels kinda odd because I feel that they should be saying it to someone else, not me. I like giving compliments though.

[Rockinonahigh]

Singular dineing is something I do now and then,at home I cook for my son and myself,recently a couple of gay boys opened a coffee shop thats on my way home from work, so now and then I have a meal there..the food is good to.When I eat at home usely I eat sitting in my recliner and my son goes to his room to eat while watching tv.Unless we have gone out for a meal I cant remember when we have sat at the table to eat.

[pajama]

Lesson #4 (?) If you're into the arts. If there's an exhibit that you really like, find out what time they have guided Docent tours of it and go. It gives you someone else (or sometimes several someone elses) to discuss pieces and their interpretations.

Same with book clubs. Every local library usually has some kind of monthly book club.

I'm too big a people watcher to give a rat's ass if people look at me 'cause I'm alone somewhere. I am really good at giving sincere compliments, part of what makes me such a successful flirt I think. And I'm getting better at accepting them.

A

[Glenn]

I will definitely dine alone somewhere if the environment and food is pleasant, where there is a sense of comraderie, and compliments are freely received and given, where there is also a femme waitress who does'nt mind a dirty old Italian butch patting her on her behind