Instant Turn-Offs

[Bèsame*]

the me me me syndrome

[cinnamongrrl]

slovenliness....

laziness....

not getting along with my family....especially my kids

dishonesty

a know it all attitude

[Femmadian]

This if you're out in public and not at a sporting event. Just... No.



Also, this:

[Gemme]

Tar breath.

[DanceFoolsDance]

"People who think that the way some women are naturally made is disgusting."

I didn't say disgusting.

[Girl_On_Fire]

Originally Posted by aishah

arrogance, mainly. also sometimes i am just instinctively/physically turned off to folks for no reason whatsoever...they could be the nicest potential date in the world or whatevs and something just makes my skin crawl and i can't get over it.

Never ignore those instincts. Sometimes, you can't put your finger on it but when you feel like you should get away, do.

My instant turn-offs:

• Bad Breath
• Drinking Problem
• Rage Issues
• Doesn't Drive
• Impatience

[cinnamongrrl]

I thought of a couple more....

lack of compassion for living things

having no inclination to better themselves (education wise mostly)

and an Amen to drinking problem.....I dont care if youve had one....Id just like to be done with that....

rudeness.....

[skeeter_01]

A know it all, eating with their mouth open or smacking their lips while they eat.

Mean people, ignorant people, people who use texting "shorthand", (U no..cnt be bothered to rite out there hole thought) oh and the whole "there, their, they're" thing. People who can't be bothered to use spell check.

Maybe I'm too picky because, there are SO many more things!!

[*Anya*]

As kind of an OCD person, I have more than a few...

...dirty fingernails, toenails and dirty hands. Oh, please add toenails and fingernails that are too long.

...not showering before bed. Luckily my GF shares some of my traits so we both take one before bed and in the AM.

Sheets not changed weekly. Every Saturday is my day. Here is where the GF will say: "we've only been in them 3 days this week since we have been gone, we have not even been in them". Nope, I am compelled to change them anyway. She just shrugs and says ok.

I absolutely love that she is so tolerant of some of my cleaning "issues".

When we got together, I pushed for a housekeeper twice a month. She said: "but it is already clean". Uh, not enough honey.

I will stop now but I do have more...

Yes, I know.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I'm thinking bout the situation given... I liked them enough to go and hang out with them and something about them instantly turns me off. hmn. I'm going to say one that has actually happened a few times. They don't talk. It's a bit like pulling teeth to find out stuff about them. they don't want to talk about their exes, that's a big one. That puts me right off. I personally need to know what they thought about their old relationships. stories. thoughts. feelings. lessons. joys. bad dates. good dates. etc.

I even say in my dating advert that I don't want there to be subjects that are no go areas. and I have dated a few people, since coming home, who just don't really talk about themselves. And some will, but I have to ask direct questions about their past or they offer nothing to the conversation. It sucks. One person I really quite liked. but yeah. that did it for me. the lack of self in conversation.

I know there are oodles of people where they'd prefer to hike together, or play basketball together, or play video games together - than to share stories. that's cool. but it's not me. And I have dated people who are happy to go days without speaking to anyone. That would be me and them not working.

[CA_BabyCakes]

There isn't much physically except maybe poor hygiene or bad teeth....... Personality wise i have a list......low self esteem, over confidence, people with no passion, laziness, and most importantly, someone who cannot laugh at themselves.

[Martina]

I like Northern California. I think people are genuinely nicer out here. Happier, more low key.

BUT people in the Bay Area, especially, often have polished up some way of presenting themselves that they think makes them look attractive to others. It's a presentation that is practiced and just feels canned to me. I find it boring. And the kiss of death with me is if you bore me.

I have encountered some of the people more than once at events and heard the same exact shtick. I guess they forgot what they said to me before. Isn't it boring for THEM, too, to be saying the same things and telling the same stories? Some of these are intelligent people. Why they think being real is less appealing I don't know.

What's funny about it is that there is no way to puncture the balloon. You can either worship at their alter -- which they love. Or you can compete by presenting your own shtick -- which they are prepared for and also seem to relish. But if you try to derail the performance, for example with some East Coast self-deprecating humor, they don't get it. They feel sorry for you, as if you meant what you said.

The problem for me really is the canned conversation, the almost rehearsed forms of interaction that are supposed to send a message of coolness.

I have met some very real people in Northern California. And I can tell that beneath the presentations of the people who do perform these shticks, there are -- usually -- real people. But I am not going to work that hard to get to them. They are succeeding with these performances, so who am I to criticize, I guess. But they don't work with me. It's dull. What is sad (again, to me) is that some of these folks probably aren't dull at all. They just think they have to do these things to get attention. Maybe they do. I am probably the one who is out of step.

On a completely different note, HB was talking about people not sharing about their exes. We've already had that conversation on another thread. But I definitely have a problem with over-sharers.

I had an acquaintance who dumped EVERYTHING on her first dates and then wondered why she wasn't getting second dates. I want people to be real, but it worries me when it seems like they have been waiting an age to tell someone their hopes and dreams. Do be real, I guess, but don't tell me everything. I am not your shrink.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I am the queen of over sharing

to me, it's just right. cause telling stories and getting stories, is my big love in life.

but like I said, some people, it's not their thing. lots and lots of conversation is not how they reach their bonna. they'd rather do a jigsaw with someone in silence or walk with each other lost in their own thoughts, or play basket ball with their partner.

for me, my favourite game is Truth or Dare. Sincerely. and sitting on a blanket outside, playing it, or making a little crafty something together and playing it, is bliss to me.

I totally get that others don't like talking as much as I like to hear it, or sharing everything. My exwife and I shared everything from our pasts and I loved it. late night story telling, by the river story telling, etc. but it's fine that some people don't want that.

I do. and I feel lonely when I'm with someone who won't talk to me. I'm an extrovert. It's like food to me. It feeds me. I'd personally just rather be on my own if I'm not going to verbally interact with the person I'm with. I give people a lot of space and a lot of time on their own, I know people need it.

that's why when I was with someone who was really quiet and after five dates I knew almost nothing about her, we were talking about solitude and quietude and she said "...oh not me, I'm very happy to not talk for days at a time." I thought oh. thats sounds like me being very lonely *with* someone and winding up looking to connect emotionally (for me, that's verbally) with someone else...

So it ended right there.

I don't want people to be my shrink. I don't want people to solve my problems and I have heaps of other people I talk A LOT with. I think as I speak. It's how I sort things in my head. That's the difference between extroversion and introversion. Introverts think in their head and need time alone to recharge. Extroverts need to think as they speak and recharge by connecting to others. If I go out and just have a simple quick conversation with a stranger, I feel better and more energized.

I see a lot of misunderstandings on that level.

My exwife and I did tell each other everything. And by everything, I mean everything. We weren't each other's shrink though. A shrink I tell someone stuff in order to get feedback to sort out my problems. My exwife just shared all of our innermost thoughts and stories, cause that was just us.

some people just don't mix as a life long partnership. that's absolutely fine.

When I am casually dating someone for sex adventures, I don't really care about some things I would care about if I were looking at them for long term.

[Bèsame*]

Baby talk!

[CherylNYC]

Bigotry, especially racism.
Petty jealousy.
Stupidity.
Condescension.
Active addictions to drugs or alcohol.
Men, males, or people who actively emulate the most offensive straight male cultural norms.
People who don't like motorcycles.

[candy_coated_bitch]

Unibrows.......

[nycfem]

You scared me for a minute-- I thought you wrote unicorns were a turn off to you, and if that were the case, I'd really have to reevaluate our friendship.

Originally Posted by candy_coated_bitch

Unibrows.......

[ProfPacker]

but where does that leave Frieda Kolho (sp). she was the major woman with the unibrow

[nycfem]

Celebrity exception perhaps

Originally Posted by femmepacker

but where does that leave Frieda Kolho (sp). she was the major woman with the unibrow

[candy_coated_bitch]

Originally Posted by femmepacker

but where does that leave Frieda Kolho (sp). she was the major woman with the unibrow

There is always that one special person that can pull something off in a way no one else can. Frida and Groucho Marx LOL.