What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

[knight]

Originally Posted by gotoseagrl

I can't stick to only 3 either. If only I knew these things before learning them the hard way.

1) Consistency - continue being the person portrayed while getting to know each other. Some things will change after the "honeymoon" period, but the person shouldn't. I don't understand this because I, myself, don't know how to be anything other than what I really am, always ... not just while falling in love. Example ... I don't stop wanting to express my love or feelings. I don't stop pursuing common interests or passions.

2) Honesty

3) Core values and beliefs must be in sync. Not everything about two people will be the same, but I can't survive major clashing differences such as how we view life, in general, relationships, health and how we want to live. Our major differences either have to be complimentary or able to co-exist peacefully. Or else.

4) Common interests - Just a few ordinary ones won't cut it. I am passionate and contemplative about too many things that I need to have in my life that I get along best with someone who actively shares at least some of the major interests I have. Last year I discovered a very enlightening project that helped me narrow everything down to four core things I cannot live without.

5) Be humble. I am humble and old-fashioned, and I can't get along with chaos, arrogance, obsession with material things, total selfishness and anything else that goes against being humble and in tune with what I believe life should be about.

6) Sense of humor - laughter is one simple thing that keeps me going.

7) Love - know the difference between real, mature love and selfish, unhealthy "love" where you mostly love the person because of some one-sided void they fill and what they give you ... instead of for who they are and how well you go together.

thank you for your thoughts... very well said.

[deeds]

Originally Posted by Amulette

Chemistry creating that feeling of *please* come closer. (The healthy kind)
Devotion, passionately, heart to heart. We *love* our love.
Very loving and expressive, prone to impromptu acts of passion.
I adore purity of heart, and kind, honest expression.
Open-mindedness, free thinker, global spirit, adventurous.
Embodies finesse, a grace of spirit.

Someone who bothers to live an interesting life, unapologetically interesting.Then comes home and shares.

Ahh.You are sweet..
I would like to apply for this position

[Chad]

Mine are always the same,
No cheating
No lies
No drugs

I actually have more but it said three.

[nanners]

1. Integrity
2. Honesty
3. Good communication skills
4. Self supporting and employed
5. Compassion for others
6. Must love cats!

OK, I went above 3 too...but they are very important to me and if I ever date anyone again these things must be true of that person.

[BullDog]

Kind

Positive outlook on life (negative people are a soul sucker)

Smart/Good sense of humor (hey you can't be funny if you're not smart, lol)

[2qt]

Honesty....
Self independence....
Wit & adventurous....
No alcoholics....
Loves life & wants to be part of it, not out of it...

Couldn't stick to just 3 either lol I tried...

[Katniss]

As strange or even counter-intuitive as this may sound, at this point I've ditched the "list of requirements." My own tastes and preferences can be so diverse it seems a shame to saddle someone else with a list of do and do nots. IDK, more opting in, less opting out? This is coming from someone who if I had won the lottery this weekend would have funded both the first chair cello at the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra annnnnd my own NASCAR team.

Katniss~~

[homoe]

1.Smoking
2.Smoking
3.Smoking


Did I mention smoking?

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by homoe

1.Smoking
2.Smoking
3.Smoking


Did I mention smoking?

Um, for or against?

[homoe]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

Um, for or against?

OH .;... A G A I N S T

[*Anya*]

I am on a roll tonight and did not follow the rules for the thread. Bear with me, please.

Love me, love me dearly, with all of your heart and soul: for better or worse.

If, by some (very) strange reason, there are some slightly harder to love "things"; communicate them to and with me, openly, honestly and with kindness. I promise I will do my best to hear you.

Honesty always as a tool of self-sustaining love. It is never to be used as a bludgeon of deliberate harm or pain.

Commitment to the long-haul. The forever love. I seem to develop that kind of love fairly easily once I stop being afraid but I then chose to bestow it on those that are not exactly interested in same.

Don't be easily angered. I do also have a propensity for easily angered people. When I was young, I always fell in love with bad boys. Then when I fell for girls; the bad girls. The ones with anger close to the surface of their skin and that one wrong word could make them blow. I spent lots of time walking on egg shells to keep it contained but I always made a wrong move and thar she would blow...

Believe that sex is not only to show love and caring but that it is fun and playful. Please love oral sex; both giving and receiving or know I am not the one for you. I was happily in a relationship for the first 10 years with my long-term stone butch but then she wanted a reciprocal sexual relationship and I fell in love with the giving of oral sex, during our last 9 years together. It is hard to put that genie back in the bottle once it is out and I am too old now to want to. It gives me joy.

Really honor the words "in sickness and health". My recent ex did not like the first part, only the second. It was when I knew I needed to leave her, when she said in a fit of anger one day: "I don't want to have to push you around in a wheelchair when we get old". I keep thinking that the irony will be if it is her that will require pushing by someone and perhaps, with a stroke of good fortune, I won't. We just don't know do we?

Must love music. I love it all from rock to classic to hip hop to opera. Eclectic, I guess.

I would respect and honor a long-term, maintained recovery that is nurtured. I would not be able to handle someone actively practicing their disease of addiction. That is in my daily place of employment. Home needs to be a sanctuary.

I think that about covers it

[kittygrrl]

(in every context)kind
foresight
passionate

[cathexis]

True to Heart (physical a non-issue)
Open minded, hearted
Experimental in all things

[clay]

Great list, Anya! I concur on all your points!!

Originally Posted by *Anya*

I am on a roll tonight and did not follow the rules for the thread. Bear with me, please.

Love me, love me dearly, with all of your heart and soul: for better or worse.

If, by some (very) strange reason, there are some slightly harder to love "things"; communicate them to and with me, openly, honestly and with kindness. I promise I will do my best to hear you.

Honesty always as a tool of self-sustaining love. It is never to be used as a bludgeon of deliberate harm or pain.

Commitment to the long-haul. The forever love. I seem to develop that kind of love fairly easily once I stop being afraid but I then chose to bestow it on those that are not exactly interested in same.

Don't be easily angered. I do also have a propensity for easily angered people. When I was young, I always fell in love with bad boys. Then when I fell for girls; the bad girls. The ones with anger close to the surface of their skin and that one wrong word could make them blow. I spent lots of time walking on egg shells to keep it contained but I always made a wrong move and thar she would blow...

Believe that sex is not only to show love and caring but that it is fun and playful. Please love oral sex; both giving and receiving or know I am not the one for you. I was happily in a relationship for the first 10 years with my long-term stone butch but then she wanted a reciprocal sexual relationship and I fell in love with the giving of oral sex, during our last 9 years together. It is hard to put that genie back in the bottle once it is out and I am too old now to want to. It gives me joy.

Really honor the words "in sickness and health". My recent ex did not like the first part, only the second. It was when I knew I needed to leave her, when she said in a fit of anger one day: "I don't want to have to push you around in a wheelchair when we get old". I keep thinking that the irony will be if it is her that will require pushing by someone and perhaps, with a stroke of good fortune, I won't. We just don't know do we?

Must love music. I love it all from rock to classic to hip hop to opera. Eclectic, I guess.

I would respect and honor a long-term, maintained recovery that is nurtured. I would not be able to handle someone actively practicing their disease of addiction. That is in my daily place of employment. Home needs to be a sanctuary.

I think that about covers it

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by nanners

1. Integrity
2. Honesty
3. Good communication skills

Yes!
Yes!
Yes!

[cathexis]

HONESTY
Meets obligations made
Experimentalism