Recieving or saying hurtful......how do you deal with it

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

I do not think that I have ever thrown anything back at a person in anger that is something that they shared with me about their vulnerable self.

No attacks on their person, their hopes and dreams or something personal about themselves that they struggle with.

In short: no hits below the belt.

I have had it happen to me and they are the kind of things that I can never get out of my mind or my head.

I shut down if it is really hurtful.

It is a long-term behavior for me that I learned in childhood.

I can almost feel myself turning inward like a shell clamping down over my heart.

My recent ex did it so often, I wound up not being able to open my shell to her anymore.

I don't know if I have learned any lessons. I am working hard to understand what very early red flags are so I don't get sucked into something not good again.

Anya, I think you've homed in on an integral aspect of personal and interpersonal communication.... the part where you mention that people step back from hitting below the belt, to stop attacking a another's dreams or hopes or any aspect of privately talked-about vulnerability.

That is a huge red flag, the person who attacks your character, your dreams hopes and desires.

The person who speaks to you while fully regarding your personhood? The person who is gentle, loving and kind? The person who does not need to destroy your confidence? Those types of people are the people who care about you, who won't put their pride above yours or let their pride dictate the process.

I think you should treat yourself kindly.
And, I hope the winter holidays bring you special memories.

Hang in there, ok?
Wishing you the very best!