Recieving or saying hurtful......how do you deal with it

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

I do not think that I have ever thrown anything back at a person in anger that is something that they shared with me about their vulnerable self.

No attacks on their person, their hopes and dreams or something personal about themselves that they struggle with.

In short: no hits below the belt.

I have had it happen to me and they are the kind of things that I can never get out of my mind or my head.

I shut down if it is really hurtful.

It is a long-term behavior for me that I learned in childhood.

I can almost feel myself turning inward like a shell clamping down over my heart.

My recent ex did it so often, I wound up not being able to open my shell to her anymore.

I don't know if I have learned any lessons. I am working hard to understand what very early red flags are so I don't get sucked into something not good again.

Anya, I think you've homed in on an integral aspect of personal and interpersonal communication.... the part where you mention that people step back from hitting below the belt, to stop attacking a another's dreams or hopes or any aspect of privately talked-about vulnerability.

That is a huge red flag, the person who attacks your character, your dreams hopes and desires.

The person who speaks to you while fully regarding your personhood? The person who is gentle, loving and kind? The person who does not need to destroy your confidence? Those types of people are the people who care about you, who won't put their pride above yours or let their pride dictate the process.

I think you should treat yourself kindly.
And, I hope the winter holidays bring you special memories.

Hang in there, ok?
Wishing you the very best!

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by Kätzchen

Anya, I think you've homed in on an integral aspect of personal and interpersonal communication.... the part where you mention that people step back from hitting below the belt, to stop attacking a another's dreams or hopes or any aspect of privately talked-about vulnerability.

That is a huge red flag, the person who attacks your character, your dreams hopes and desires.

The person who speaks to you while fully regarding your personhood? The person who is gentle, loving and kind? The person who does not need to destroy your confidence? Those types of people are the people who care about you, who won't put their pride above yours or let their pride dictate the process.

I think you should treat yourself kindly.
And, I hope the winter holidays bring you special memories.

Hang in there, ok?
Wishing you the very best!

I just sent you a pm that was meant for Anya...sorry!

[Teddybear]

So this week has really be filled with drama. Maybe I should say that since meeting this person it has been.

She and I were close but not dating. I was a supportive friend. She began dating someone I gave congratulations and wish d them the best. Unfortunately it didn't last long really it was off but the other would threatened to harm themselves if she broke up with them.

She asked me to block the ex and I did. I didn't know her and really didn't want that BS in my life.

Well it has been ramping up the last month a d this week it really got to a jumping off place.

The ex started texting me from 4 different numbers with all kinds of garbage. I finally had my fill and let her have it.

Needless to say I lost a friend not because I let her have it but because I did as she asked. But she refused to see that.

I know ppl who r abusers can only NOT abuse for a short time and it will start again.

I didn't say anything negative about my friend don't get me wrong I wanted to. And I seriously doubt I will ever take anything back I said to on again off again gf.

What I regret is that I said anything at all to her to start with. It hurts that I was seeing her hurt so much and I wanted it to stop.

I know you can point out the trees but you can't make them see the forest