Friendship Circles: Gender Differences in How We Do It?

[BullDog]

Most of my closest friendships have been with femmes. These are a few women who I have felt comfortable enough to let in and talk about my feelings and things that are important to me and that are always there for me (and I for them), especially when the chips are down. The close femme friends that I have and have had- I do feel they get me quite well, even though they are not butch. It isn't a prerequisite that a person be a femme to be a close friend of mine, but quite a few of my closest ones are or have been. It is nice to have close friends that do get the gender aspects of butch (and appreciate it) and also being part of butch femme community, so yes it is nice and it some ways adds aspects to the friendship that wouldn't be there with someone not familiar with our gender nuances and community.

I do like having butch friends- it usually revolves around doing things rather than deep conversations. There is a nice camaraderie to that. That's not to say I couldn't have a deep conversation with another butch or group of butches. I just haven't really experienced it on any sustained basis. I don't feel there is some sort of butch language that we speak, the way I have heard described by some femmes (I have seen this in action and it is a beautiful thing, so I am definitely not putting it down or questioning it). Why have I not have any really close butch friends that I could talk in depth with? I don't know. Maybe I just haven't met the right butch, lol. Seriously though, the femmes I have gotten close with I think are ones who have taken the time to get to know me and reach out to me. However, I have very much enjoyed being around butches and have had real life butch friends when I lived in Portland. I do miss that.

Other friends not butch or femme, they get me fine as a person but don't necessarily know much about being butch. That of course isn't all there is to me, so it's fine if they don't really understand that part too well.